


It only makes sense with you

by butcher_blues



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Demisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious Victor Nikiforov, Pining Victor Nikiforov, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-07-01 14:09:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 57,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butcher_blues/pseuds/butcher_blues
Summary: Viktor has a bad history with love and relationships, none of them ever worked to heal his lonely heart, but at least he has his best friend to fall in his welcoming arms at the end of every bad date to boost his gloomy moods.He just yearns to a relationship that makes him feel complete, that everything feels right. And with Yuuri, everything feels so right. Too bad they're only best friends, but Viktor can't even dream of more.(An au where Viktor and Yuuri are friends with benefits, and Viktor's constantly confused why the hell his relationships with other men never work out)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing, just wanted an excuse to write two dumb friends in love with each other but somehow they're too dumb to take things romantically.  
> Hope you enjoy!

"Do you like dogs? I have the most adorable poodle in the world, his name is Makkachin, he's a big boy but I still feel like he's just a little puppy, but I still can only spoil him. Well I have two poodles actually if I'm counting my housemate's poodle, Vicchan, he's much smaller, a delightful little trouble. Both of them are basically my life."

"Um I like dogs, but I've never had one and I'm not planning to. Too much work if you ask me."

"Oh. I understand, but you're missing out all the fun."

Viktor swallows down his disappointment. At least he still likes dogs, even if he's not willing to raise them.

 

"This restaurant is really nice and the food is delicious. I wanted celebrate Yuuri's last birthday here, he's my friend and housemate, but I couldn't make a reservation on time, it's so hard."

"Oh yeah, you need to book a fancy table at least one month in advance. But I didn't have any trouble a week ago since I know the manager. It's good to have your connections, you know, and I do have a lot. Impressed yet?"

"Ah sure!"

A bit show off, a little arrogant too, but Viktor can live with that.

 

"Can you hear this music? This piece is one of my favorite. I went with Yuuri to the MET the last week to attend a concerto where they played this piece, it was just magnificent."

"This music? Interesting. I'm not a fan of classical music to be honest, like this one really puts me to sleep, it rather sounds like dull elevator music."

"Tchaikovsky is dull elevator music?"

"With due respect of course, it just sounds boring to me. That's Russian, right? Of course you Russians are too proud of your heritage....your music and vodka and everything."

"Yes everything."

It's not a completely an inaccurate stereotype forced down his throat, it's not the first time either, Viktor is used to this kind of words after all. And not everyone is a fan of Tchaikovsky (like how?).

 

"I know a little about music though, I used to play in a band during college. I played the guitar."

"Wow! That's cool. Yuuri also plays the guitar and writes music for fun. There's this cozy place where he plays sometimes in open mic nights, maybe you can try playing there too!"

"Nah, I wasn't very good to be honest. I'll just embarrass myself."

"Then what's your favorite music? Is it rock, indie, jazz? Maybe we still have a common taste."

"I mostly listen to what's trending, you know, lively upbeat stuff I can dance to in a club or something."

So his tastes are actually shitty, that's fine. He wasn't expecting him to like The Beatles or something.

 

"So tell me more about your job Viktor. You're working at an art gallery or something?"

"Something like that, I'm a contemporary art curator for Sotheby's auction house. I'm also working on my PhD degree in art history from NYU."

"Sounds...grand. So you like, sell weirdass stuff labeled as "art" to some snobby rich old people with tons of money so they could sound more sophisticated and cultured?"

"Uh...well... More like research artworks and estimate their values and help organize exhibitions...and whatever."

Why even bother explaining? As if any of this's unusual to him, mocking his job and contemporary art collectively has been a daily occurrence to him. But it's fine because not everyone gets it. It's fine.

 

In general his date isn't very terrible, the same usual pitfalls, but he can imagine something for a future between them. At least he likes dogs, he likes dancing, he can be funny and sassy, he's very good looking and athletic, so Viktor can see the potential if they get it right. But does this even happen?

Their end of date kiss isn't really that breathtaking, he can't feel the chemistry exploding between them, but maybe Viktor is childishly too fixated on the concept of the spark. The spark of passion that can burn down his entire existence in presence of his lover, that is reassuring enough that this relationship makes sense, everything falls in place. Viktor is aware of how  
dramatically romantic he can be, so sweeping off his dreamy expectations under the rug of maturity, he decides to give this some time to grow healthily, and maybe the spark will fire along the way.

"I had a good time tonight." Viktor says as he pulls away from the kiss, half honest. "And thank you a lot for the ride, I'll call you soon."

His date keeps on smiling, looking at him expectantly. Viktor isn't sure if he should say something more. "So... This is it?" His tone is a little off.

"What do you mean?"

He laughs sheepishly. "Aren't you gonna to invite me to your apartment, seduce me to your bed maybe?" He smirks bluntly that Viktor flushes. Clearly he has no intentions nor the mood for it.

"Well, my housemate is there and I don't think it'll be appropriate." He answers apologetically, also Yuuri is mostly staying over with his own boyfriend tonight.

"Then maybe I can take you to my place?" His smirk doesn't flatter and Viktor grows uncomfortable.

"Frankly, I would prefer if we have some time before we...do such a thing. You know, get to know each other more and have a stronger bond, it'll be a more meaningful."

Viktor watches the drastic change on his date's features, displeasure overtaking his handsome face, and to be honest, it makes him much less handsome. The man cluches the steering wheel, letting out a humorless chuckle. He bites his lower lip, not sure if it's done erotically or angrily. "You're serious?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I?" He gets a little defensive, this isn't going to end well, he senses.

"So you're telling me I paid 400 dollars on eating some tiny samples of food and a bottle of tasteless wine, and spent two hours listening to the most boring person in life gushing about his dogs and Jane Austin and his roommate and whatever, and I give you a ride, all this to fuck you, only for you to tell me we need to bond or some shit?"

The world is painted dark red in Viktor's eyes, and he feels nauseated like his stomach will empty its last meal. The shift on his date's face turns him into a monster, and Viktor is equally disgusted and scared.

"And isn't this the accurate definition of a date? You meet with someone to get to know each other before getting in their pants?"

"Well obviously I'm expecting to already to get in your pants, or how could I stand your snobby head and your pretentious personality this long? You think I could handle more than one date with you?"

"Excuse me, but I don't owe you shit! I didn't promise to fuck you at the end of the night, I offered to pay my bill and you refused, and I didn't point a gun at your head to listen to me or stand my pretentious personality." He takes out his wallet from his jacket and luckily finds some hundreds in cash. He tosses the four hundred notes in his furious companion's face then leaves the car.

"Fuck you!" The man shouts at him from the window as he takes off.

"Well not tonight!" Viktor shouts back at the fleeing car, feeling absolutely awful like at the end of every other date.

 

******

 

When he enters the apartment, Viktor is met with the cutest sight ever. The two brown furry balls curling on top of each other fast asleep on the plush carpet in front of the door, and he can't help but coo at the heartwarming scene and move carefully past them lest they wake up. He already feels better...just a little.

Taking off his suit jacket, he sighs heavily as he tosses it around carelessly. It's not the end of the world to fail...again, he wishes it were though. It's just an extending never-ending chain of disappointments and fake hopes bound around his feet and restricting him from moving on to somewhere better. At twenty eight Viktor almost has everything, the job, the money, the recognition, the stability, yet he still can't maintain a single relationship for more than mere months or even weeks. And the latest development is his inability to even earn more than two dates if he's being generous.

Where's Yuuri when he needs to vent out his frustrations?

 

The answer to his mental question surprises him, because he wasn't expecting Yuuri to be actually calling his him from his bedroom. Shouldn't he be at his boyfriend's?

Viktor walks to his housemate's room, entering, he finds Yuuri splayed on his bed, his face is lit by the faint light coming from his phone he's holding close. The room is dark but from the outer big billboard neon lights leaking through the window and there's a fresh breeze of air in the room. Viktor has always liked the mood of the room in night, unlike Yuuri who constantly complains by the flashing alternating lights that don't make him sleep if he isn't using the blinds.

Yuuri takes his eyes off the screen and notices Viktor's presence. A warm smile appears on his face. "Hey Viktor, you're home already! How was your date?

Viktor sits on the edge of his bed, frowning, Yuuri sits up as well, concerned face illuminated by the neon purples and blues. "It was horrible."

Yuuri holds his hand in empathy. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Although he was searching for Yuuri a moment ago to talk about what happened, now he doesn't feel the need to, he doesn't want to disturb the sense of peace enveloping him when he's with Yuuri. Viktor shakes his head, he lies on the bed, face falling into the pillows, he stays on his stomach immobile like this for a while. Yuuri moves out of the bed, leaving Viktor moping in his bed.

Yuuri returns again with a small pat on Viktor's back. Viktor turns his face to look at him, to find Yuuri smiling in invitation with a hand holding a glass offered to him. "I think it's time for our cultural fusion." He says cheerfully.

With a huff Viktor takes the glass of liquor and sits up to pour down the unique cocktail of Vodka and Sake, their cultural fusion, Viktor had called it when he first mixed them together. Yuuri isn't the person who resorts to alcohol when he faces some crisis, and he openly discourages Viktor to do that, it's cowardly and immature, quoting him. But Yuuri also is the person who knows Viktor the most, he can practically hear his mind. And Viktor's mind is screaming and begging for a distraction, for a sedative to calm him down, and Yuuri, the best listener, gives him exactly what he needs.

"Better?" Yuuri asks softly when Viktor winces from the burn of the alcohol. He nods with a small smile.

"Why are you here, Yuuri? Aren't you supposed to be at your boyfriend's now?"

"We broke up." Yuuri says simply, his face is indifferent.

"What? You broke up? When...how...why?"

"Just tonight, when I went to his place. Honestly, it was about time."

"But you've been two months together and you seemed okay with him. I thought you liked him, you were even planning to sleep with him for the first time tonight."

"That's exactly why I ended it. I don't want to be with someone because I seem just okay with them. I yearn for something more...exciting. Also, I don't think I was attracted enough to him. When we started making out it was really off, I told him I changed my mind and didn't want to do it anymore, he threw a tantrum about he he had been waiting for too long. So I just took it as a chance and called things off. It's better this way."

"And are you sad about it?"

"Not at all. I actually feel more liberated, like this relationship was a burden I'm obliged to go through. Don't worry about me."

"So we call it a night of pathetic emotional failures?"

"Apparently yes. But at least I'm good, unlike you."

Viktor doesn't reply, pouting bitterly. And Yuuri isn't having it, he removes his glasses placing them on the nightstand, then he turns to Viktor, caressing his cheek, slowly closing the gap between them, and his eyes are sparkling. "Do you need me to make you feel better?"

"Please..." Viktor's voice dies down his throat when his request is immediately met with warm lips covering his, no need for begging. Viktor surrenders into the kiss as he sinks further into the mattress, Yuuri moves fluidly to top Viktor's body with his own.

The kiss starts as a gentle brush of lips, the mix of alcohol and Yuuri's unique flavor tastes divine. Yuuri's curious hands explore the bared skin of Viktor as he gets under his shirt, arousing chills down his spine. Yuuri presses multiple light pecks on his lips, then he slightly parts his own lips to catch Viktor's lower one between them, sensually nibbling on it, his teeth join soon enough, biting into the soft flesh. Yuuri's tongue slyly sneaks out of his mouth, making its way across Viktor's lips, licking every inch in eagerness, then with the same eagerness it invades Viktor's mouth with no resistance. Two tongues dancing and tangoing to the melody of their pleasured sounds and loud breathing.

Viktor's hands find their way to Yuuri's ruffled hair, his fingers dig into the soft locks and gently tugs them. But then they're extracted from Yuuri's tangles, Yuuri takes his hands, pinning them above Viktor's hands, preventing them any escape. Still kissing, Yuuri's other hand goes straight to Viktor's groin, through the fabric of the slacks he cups the growing hardness, applying a sweet pressure on Victor's arousal that Viktor's hips reactively thrust on their own to Yuuri's touch with a long moan echoing in the kiss.

Yuuri, still pinning Viktor's hands above his head, scatters sloppy kisses all over his face, his forehead, each of his closed eyes, the bridge of his nose down to the tip, the scatter cheeks, the accepting mouth, with extra care he moves to his jaw and neck, licking and kissing and biting, marking the ivory skin with furious spots red and pink. Viktor loses his ability to breath, only exhaling soft moans as he grinds his hardness to Yuuri's expert hand.

With no further stalling, Yuuri's unbuttons Viktor's slacks and slips inside in no time. Viktor jolts as Yuuri takes a hold of his fully stiffened cock now, Yuuri doesn't waste time and he begins stroking and pumping Viktor's length as he keeps on kissing and biting into Viktor's neck, and all Viktor can manage is chanting Yuuri's name in an unspoken plea. It feels incredible, like the whole world beings and ends at Yuuri's touch, his strokes are hard and prolonged, with his thumb dipping into the slit of the cock, it's flawless perfection, just the way Viktor likes.

Viktor whines painfully when Yuuri lets go of his throbbing cock, sitting up to bracket Viktor's body between his thighs. Viktor begs and Yuuri unties Viktor's tie impatiently, then swiftly he binds Viktor's wrists above his head with the tie to restrain him, and Viktor is even more turned on as if it's even possible. He just loves that possessive dark look in Yuuri's eyes, the hint on an excited smile playing on his lips, there's an implied consent for Yuuri to do whatever he wants to Viktor and Viktor absolutely loves being under his trusted friend's mercy, handling the total control to Yuuri and giving up his body to the lustful torture of his eager partner, and Yuuri is all for tying him up and claiming his body in madness.

Writhing and squirming beneath him, Viktor watches the greed overtaking Yuuri's flushed face, he's lust and desire personified. His breathing is fast, his moves are rushing and abrupt as he undoes the buttons of Viktor's white shirt, and there's a huge bulge in front of his sweatpants, his arousal is unavoidable under the dim neon lights creeping from the window. Viktor's hips thrust up in the air, his aching member is still trapped in his tightenined slacks, desperate for a friction on. Meanwhile Yuuri finishes unbuttoning his shirt, exposing the sculpted perfection that is Victor's toned chest and torso. And he unleashes his inner beast, gazing down at him like a starving animal with a large feast laying before him.

Tied up and helpless, Viktor shudders and begs shamelessly as Yuuri's hungry hands touche every inch of his upper body, assisted by the work of his lips and tongue, together they enjoy the fair smoothness of Viktor's skin. It's no secret that Yuuri has a certain fondness for Viktor's chest, marking it his favorite. He licks his lips as he fondles and gropes the perky sensitive buds that are Viktor's nipples. Focusing on one at a time, he starts pinching hard, drawing pained pleasured noises from Viktor, he rolls and twists until they're fully erect begging to be worshiped.

Yuuri loses the remnants of his patience, his skillful tongue glides over the rosey bump savoring the taste, then with no warning he sucks hard on the nipple like his life depended on it, milking down an imaginary juice of life to keep him alive, Yuuri moans and growls alternately as he suckles hard. Teeth later join the assault, biting and chewing his most favorite treat. And Viktor's screams grow only louder, it's too much, Yuuri's the hand on his cock, teeth and mouth on his nipples, it's all too much to live through, it's the sweet death he deserves.

"Yuuri...please... I can't..." Viktor struggles to say weakly, and Yuuri takes mercy on him and makes a quick work of his pants, removing them completely to free Viktor's awfully hard cock and he carries on jacking him off while still feasting on his nipples. With the combined efforts of hands and mouth and teeth, the world explodes and Viktor comes with an impressive scream, spurting all over his own stomach and a little amount on Yuuri's hand.

Yuuri doesn't hesitate to lick his own hand, humming in satisfaction at the taste of Viktor's seed, he even laps his tongue across the come slicked stomach, licking it clean with a happy face, while Viktor's still high on his own pleasure, unaware of the obscenities performed upon his body.

After the long fall from the peak of mount pleasure, Viktor opens one eye, to see Yuuri on his knees, still straddling him between them. Yuuri is staring at him intently without blinking, his sweatpants are a little pushed down, and his own cock is up, out and proud. Then Yuuri takes himself in his hand, a hoarse whine escapes from his throat as he starts to pleasure himself, the scene is insanely hot that Viktor's subsiding heat is reviving again, burning his skin and flesh. Yuuri's other hand reaches for Viktor's soft cock, rubbing to overstimulate that Viktor loses his breath again. Then as it starts to come back to life, Yuuri joins the two swollen members in his hands, grinding and pumping them together as his entire body rocks with the overwhelming sensation.

Yuuri leans down to Viktor's face, to steal air to breath from Viktor's lung in a messy kiss. His lips linger on Viktor's, murmuring into his mouth, "You deserve much better. You deserve everything good, Viktor." And all Viktor wants is to free his hands from the stupid tie so he can wrap his arms around Yuuri in a tight hug.

Yuuri's body goes tense as he increases the pace of his working hands around their cocks and twists his wrists harshly, gasping loudly, he comes hard, shortly followed by Viktor for the second time, and Yuuri almost passes out on top of him, face buried in Viktor's heaving chest. They stay like this for an immeasurable amount of time, too drowned in their seas of bliss, ready to die with pleasure.

Viktor isn't exactly a Casanova, but he had his fair share of passionate nightes and exciting stories, and with every day of the last three years since he and Yuuri became housemates and agreed on this liberated arrangement, he becomes more sure that none of his previous lovers and hookups can ever compare to the bed company of his best friend.

It's all too natural and easy with Yuuri. Like his body was meant to fall in Yuuri's welcoming arms.

"Feeling better?" Yuuri mumbles lazily as he unties his hands, his face is too gorgeous under the throbbing neon lights.

Viktor smiles. "Much better."

Things are always better with Yuuri.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90% of this chapter is a dialogue, so I hope it doesn't sound too boring to you. It's significant now and even more significant later, so you you don't mind.

"Yuuri..." Viktor whispers in the void like no one will answer, he doesn't want to wake Yuuri up if he's asleep, but the answering "hmm" comes in encouragement to keep talking. "Am I boring and pretentious?" He asks innocently like a young girl asking her mother if she's ugly after the mean ones at school bullied her. 

Yuuri turns on his side to face Viktor, and perhaps Yuuri is the perfect mother figure for Viktor after all, his motherly instincts take the lead after sensing Viktor's unusual insecurity. It's totally dark in the room after pulling down the blinds on the window to keep out the only source of the dramatic lighting, Yuuri's face can't be seen nor read, but it's not hard to imagine the soft look he wears just for Viktor. "No." He answers sternly and briefly, no further explanations offered. It's the kind of answers that are absolute and certain, no arguments against it. Which puts Viktor in utter relief, the absurdity of his question was embarrassing him, but Yuuri took it seriously and answered in a manner that is more than assuring for Viktor. 

"But these are the synonymous words for classy and complex in the uncultured peasants dictionary." He clarifies lightly, earning a chuckle from Viktor. After giving his flattering answer, it's apparent that Yuuri is going to investigate more into the issue now, to get a better grasp of the context of the surprising ridiculous question. "So is that what he called you? Classic." 

Because it isn't a one-time incident, not too hard to guess, the accusation has come in handy multiple times for Viktor's not so few failing dates that Viktor is actually starting to believe it. 

"Can you blame him?" Viktor asks bitterly, half jokingly. "He had to withstand the unavoidable boredom of my company in hopes to pluck my flower since every flower has its thrones, only to be disappointed by me declining the idea."

Yuuri shifts abruptly, and Viktor now can imagine his upset frown and his cute scrunching face. He turns on the night lamp and puts on his glasses, sleep is forgotten now. A perk to Viktor's unfortunate encounters is how defensive and protective Yuuri gets. Viktor feels bad for two things: that he burdens Yuuri with his silly problems, and that he likes the reaction. He just feels too safe and cherished when Yuuri gets defensive for him, it's another guilty pleasure of his infinite list, most of this list is comprised of things to do with Yuuri Katsuki.

"That asshole!" It comes out of his accented mouth almost funny, because Yuuri isn't fond of swearing, but somehow he's cute when he does it, regardless of the seriousness of the situation. "He only wanted to get into our pants. Well fuck him he isn't worthy of your time, Viktor."

"It's barely anything new to me. He drove me home, and expected me to invite him for bed, then he threw a fit when I said I preferred to get to know each other first, and he literally went off complaining like, why would I want to know you better, bitch, I just want to fuck you, I spent 400 bucks for food barely stuffed me expecting to stuff you, and I didn't stand your lame boring ass this long for not fucking it in the end!" 

Red colors Yuuri's face with his disgusted look. "Did he really say that to you?" 

Viktor flutters his eyes in artificial innocence, sometimes he doesn't notice how he tends to dramatize the truth for more spice. "Um, not quite literally but close to the meaning. The point, Yuuri, is I was boring and pretentious to him!"

"And does that piece of shit's opinion in you really matter? it isn't worthy of a penny. He's just some caveman chasing after his primitive animalism with a fancy hunt to score a mate!"

He was raged and furious as he recalled the incident, he really was. Until Yuuri said that and Viktor bursts in laughter rolling him on bed uncontrollably, it's too contagious that Yuuri follows suit, laughing hard as well. Maybe Yuuri's figurative speech is as cute as he is, it just makes him laugh. Soon after, Viktor sighs, appreciating the lighter mood now. But his gloom won't leave him alone and he's reminded again of their original conversation. 

"It's not what he thinks about me Yuuri, it's about what everyone else thinks about me. I'm just tired, tired of having people around me who are willing to do everything to have sex with me. Yes it was all fun and games in my early youth and I enjoyed it a lot, but I'm not twenty anymore. I'm nearing thirty Yuuri, and I'm only getting older, more tired. and lonelier. I want to settle with someone who goes beyond my looks and is willing to fill the void in my heart, Yuuri. I'm not vain, but I'm aware of my looks, I know I attract attention, many eyes have been following me for my appearance for my whole life with looks of infatuation and fantasies. But I'm tired of being objectified and treated as a pretty boytoy, I deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation for who I am. Isn't this right, Yuuri?"

Viktor feels terribly naked and vulnerable after spilling the content of his heart like that to Yuuri. It's not the first rant of a kind, it's almost a lifestyle to speak up all his fears and insecurities and frustrations. But this time it's just too raw and emotional. Viktor is scared, so scared. 

And the empathetic look Yuuri's attending him with is all the world's warmth and peace gathered and handed over to Viktor, like a sedative applied to his wounds. Yuuri doesn't tackle Viktor's wounds unless he has the ability to nurse them and bandage them to heal. "You deserve even more, you deserve everything Viktor. All the good things." He murmurs like a lullaby, echoing the same words from earlier. Viktor still shudders when he remembers the comforting whisper when Yuuri was holding him. 

A small smile finds its way on Viktor's lips, he looks down, thinking. "Does my personality suck this much that it's overshadowed by my looks? I'm starting to believe that's the problem. Maybe I'm too unbearable to be with, or else why do I always fail in making a relationship and maintaining it?"

"Okay that's some serious nonsense you're blurting here, how can you let few tasteless lame people shake your confidence like that Viktor? You're one of the best and most interesting people I've ever met in my life."

Viktor bats his lashes, grinning in childish cuteness, it makes Yuuri blush and look the other way, biting his lip to suppress a laugh. "Aw Yuuri, I'm one of the best and most interesting people you've ever met? Is this how you think of me? Please tell me more sweet words, Yuuri, boost my confidence Yuuri." 

He annoyingly loops his arms around Yuuri, chasing after his eyes to make him look at him, and Yuuri huffs and pokes Viktor's hair whorl knowing how Viktor's obsessed with, causing Viktor to pull away with a hurt pout, Yuuri chuckles. "Stop fishing for compliments, you get them all the time."

"You're so mean to me! Besides, compliments are always nicer and more believable when they come from you."

"Viktor, you don't need more assurance or my opinion to validate your personality, you're perfect just the way you are. "

"Cause you're amazing... Just the way you are~" Viktor sings the pop song wholeheartedly, mocking Yuuri's heartfelt statement, in revenge Yuuri doesn't hesitate to bite his shoulder, drawing a pained squeal from Viktor.

"Oh my god you cannibal!"

"Talking with you is a waste of time." 

Viktor laughs as he rubs his shoulder, he shrugs. "I just wanted to get rid of this depressing mood. Because honestly these thoughts are taking toll on me. Your opinion matters the most to me Yuuri, but I'm sorry I can't take it. You're my best friend and you're biased, and it isn't really objective to think I'm perfect. Maybe I should start looking at myself through the eyes of the others, to figure out what's so wrong about me."

"Wrong with them! Because you've already established many times that the public opinion is usually mediocre and misinformed, based on cheapness and accessibility, that's why the mainstream tastes are awful for heaven's sake, and you've convinced me with that, Viktor. You're the expensive and unaffordable luxury that you're out of their league, and their inferiority complex is just triggered in your presence that they try to bring you down to make themselves feel better about how...ordinary and plain they are. Humans are visual creatures that's why they're instantly drawn to your looks and they become intrigued and fascinated with you, but when they realize how sophisticated and accomplished you are they feel too insecure that they start to call you snobby and pretentious and ridicule your interests as a defense mechanism. They feel threatened because they're not up to par."

Viktor is staring, unblinking, his lips are parted and his whole overall look is dumb. Yuuri is just panting to compensate the air he never breathed during his unfiltered speech. Yuuri has always ,quoting Viktor, defended his honor, whenever Viktor doubts himself, but not in this enthusiastic overwhelming way, it's just clear how Yuuri views him and it means a lot. 

Viktor is confident by nature, sometimes unintentionally vain, or even narcissistic, it's all thanks to how highly the others think of him and what they praise him for. But hearing it all from Yuuri, it makes him feel so small, so overrated, because there's no way in the world Yuuri could still see him this way even after living with him for years and seeing how flawed he really is, Yuuri knows Viktor at his lowest, he knows how very human he is. How can he talk about him like some god like this? Friendship can't justify this, can't blind him from his brighter than the sun personality defects. Could he be saying this just to make him feel better? But no, it's so unlike Yuuri, he's always been so honest and blunt, he isn't a big talker with decorated words and sugarcoating the truth isn't his thing, the look in his eyes is just too sincere.

Yuuri, tender and gentle as ever, squeezes his hand. They had sex an hour ago, but this is a whole different kind of intimacy, an intimacy Viktor craves and Yuuri can only provide. "I just want you to know that it's never your fault, and you're way out of their league. So maybe you should start to raise your standards, and pick someone close to your level. Maybe they'll realize how lucky they are and appreciate you just right."

"God Yuuri, these are big words, and they leave me speechless. My ego is so inflated it's about to burst, and you... Oh god, you just put me in a very high pedestal that I don't think I could ever reach. You're so good to me, Yuuri." 

Yuuri becomes flustered, cheeks glowing red and mouth stuttering to reply. It's weird how he can give such flattering speech so easily and then die of mortification when he receives literally two words of appreciation. It makes Viktor chuckle, ruffling Yuuri's messy hair like a lost cute kid.

Viktor smiles gratefully, murmuring, "Thank you my most favorite person in the world." 

Yuuri is even more disturbed by the declaration and mumbles "You're welcome." before he turns off the lamp and tries to shrug off sentimental Viktor by going back to sleep. 

Satisfied, Viktor rests on his back, staring at the ceiling in the dark, thinking about the what-ifs and lost possibilities and slight probabilities. He glimpses at the back of Yuuri as he sleeps on his side, and although he can't see him, Viktor feels his heart palpitations as he imagines the peaceful face of sleeping Yuuri. It's not unusual for them to sleep next to each other, especially after the not so rare steamy love making sessions, but sometimes it gets too intense, to sleep next to Yuuri like this, in this kind of non sexual intimacy. It feels much closer. 

"Can you believe he called Tchaikovsky dull elevator music?" He jokes hoping to distract his own wandering mind from going to places he doesn't wish to visit tonight. 

"No way! So not only he's a jerk but also plain stupid and tasteless." Yuuri's voice is genuinely offended, making Viktor grin wide.

"Many people find classical music boring, therefore I'm boring."

"Many people are stupid and tasteless. You can never be boring for liking actual good music." 

"As expected from a ballet dancer." 

"What are you implying here sir?"

"The same people most probably find ballet boring as well." 

"Oh yeah? I would love to see these people trying to split their legs 180 degrees or scratch their heads with their toes, it'll look so fun."

"But you're probably right, imagine if we were a couple Viktor we would be the most boring couple. A ballet dancer and an art curator. That's boring but also we are, a ballet dancer in the American ballet theatre, one of the most prestigious ballet companies in the world, and an art curator in Sotheby's the leading auction house in the world. And we've got the cutest two poodles in the world. Damn we would make the best boring power couple."

Viktor waits for a humorous sound, a chuckle, but nothing happens, and he doesn't hear Yuuri's voice again. "Yuuri..." He repeats several times before giving up to the fact the Yuuri is asleep, or pretending to be. A not so creative evasion technique whenever Viktor slightly suggests or hints jokingly about the possibility of them being a couple. It's a joke anyway, why does it make Yuuri freak out? It's just a joke! 

It's better to sleep now, as if he even could. 

 

******

 

"The thing about you..." Yuuri explains as he effortlessly folds his body in half like piece of paper, Viktor will never cease to get impressed (and a little aroused) by Yuuri's flexibility. "is that most of they guys you met came to you driven by their libidos, and when they got a glimpse of who you truly are they were intimidated and just took off, unless of course you chose to discontinue because you couldn't click well or they were just jerks. For the former ones, You've tricked them into thinking you're approachable and easy going with your charms and fun, but once you show how huge you are they run." 

Viktor presses his finger to his mouth as a habitual sign of thinking, trying hard to avoid watching Yuuri change positions, but how not to be distracted when Yuuri is doing his morning stretching exercises like any goddamn danseuer? Viktor is only a human, and Yuuri is a gorgeous human, and it's totally acceptable in this era to be a little physically attracted to your attractive best friend, totally normal. 

They're resuming their talk from last night after Viktor has evoked the issue again this morning, being the drama queen he is who can't just drop something, especially after a long morning bath where his mind rewinds last night's incidents. And when Yuuri, still fresh from his own shower and preparing his yoga mat, caught Viktor pouting and moping as he exited the bathroom, he asked him what was wrong and Viktor almost repeated every other word from last night. A drama queen. 

So now they revisit the subject and Yuuri has to assure him again, because it's his cursed fate to deal with the messed up dramas of Viktor Nikiforov.

"Am I really intimidating?" He wonders. 

Yuuri changes positions again, lifting his leg up to the barre installed to the wall. For full image of their apartment, it's almost as empty as a dance studio should be, minimal furniture that is essential for everyday use and socially acceptable to not make them look like two broke college students living in an empty house. It was Viktor's idea to get rid of all the extra furniture and decorations when he was remodeling the place for Yuuri to move in, to make it more spacious and offer a room for Yuuri to practice at home. Yuuri insanely insisted it was fine and they didn't need to accommodate the apartment to resemble a studio. But Viktor did it for himself too, said he preferred the extra space and sense of freedom he got from the emptiness. Also it was perfect for the dogs!

The apartment's aesthetics are still maintained, however, by Viktor's modest art collection of original paintings and replicas of his favorites, and even his own art created by him which Yuuri really insisted to display when he first saw them. With that, there stands a vintage console piano they both play on it, mostly Viktor playing for Yuuri's home rehearsals if their schedules meet, a less commonly Yuuri playing for entertainment or even writing his silly songs. Of course bookcases for their reading pleasure, mostly Viktor's. And a big TV screen with gaming set, for Yuuri, which he barely has time for but he never completely stops using. Like this, the place has both their touches, very indicating of their presence, very occupied by Viktor and Yuuri together.

Answering his question, Yuuri purses his lip and shrugs. "It becomes a bit unnerving and challenging to be with you when they discover how... what's the word? Flawless? Yes, how flawless you are, because they first expect you to be just beautiful and funny, but then they dive deeper and realize you're a whole romantic epic protagonist. And because most of them are just for the funs and fucks, they're intimidated. Some others won't bother to commit with you because you're too much to bear with, and they're just searching for an easy fling, you're not easy and you're not for a fling. But because you're too sexy to resist, they'll attempt to court you until they get into your pants, but being actually with you is too much work for them."

Viktor pouts, he's on the sofa sitting with his chin relying on his hands like a grumpy kid. He shakes his head in confusion. "Okay let's say some won't commit and just want to sleep with me, but what about who were willing and I actually liked them and they just...ended it. Were they intimidated too? But what is so intimidating about me, Yuuri? You keep saying it but I can't really understand."

Yuuri sighs as he drops to the floor, two legs splitting impossibly wide, and he begins to bend his upper body. "What did I say about being flawless?Viktor, this is embarrassing for me to say but loud, but you're nearly perfect. Beside a face of an angel and a body of greek god..." Yuuri stammers in embarrassment, face going blood red, and Viktor smirks. "Stop doing that, let me finish. Say, you're handsome and sexy, funny and easy to chat with, you can dance and you're charming, all is good, right?

"But then, you're incredibly intelligent, you work as a contemporary art curator for one of the most important institutions in the world, and most people don't even have a taste for that kind of art, it's foreign to them and it makes them feel stupid. You're to have your PhD degree from NYU, very accomplished and well recognized in your profession, big things ahead of you when you're still below thirty. You're highly educated, intellectual and well-read, sophisticated in your interests and so well-spoken. You live a fancy life and even come from an elite rich family and it shows in your manners and mindset. And beside all that, you're kind, generous, caring, understanding, romantic even. Tell me after all this how the hell aren't they supposed to be scared of someone like you?"

"Wow, Yuuri when you put it like that...doesn't it make me even more appealing...a catch?" 

"Yes, but the dazzling light is so bright that it can blind you, don't you think? They'll be mesmerized at first but soon they will realize the great gap, and feel how inferior they are to you or even how hard to keep up with you. Especially since your standards are pretty average, to be honest Viktor, and you may date people who aren't of the same level as you. Even people who appear to be perfect as much as you do, there must be a flaw or an insecurity that became too prominent when they got with you. Also remember there's this dumb stereotype that if you're good looking, you're probably lacking at something...probably important, so it's a little shocking that you're not lacking in almost anything. And it's not safe nor easy anymore."

"Yuuri?" 

"Yes? "

"You're an idiot." 

Yuuri's eyes bug out in surprise, the unexpected remark makes him concerned.

"You of all people should know how imperfect I'm. I thought you knew me too well, and not that soulless idolized version of me. I thought you accepted me with all my flaws, but apparently you're too blind to see them, or you're just doing an amazing job at making me feel better." Viktor finds his voice too harsh and judgmental, blaming Yuuri like he betrayed him, it does feel like betrayal. Like Yuuri fell in love with his cool hitter twin instead if him. And guilt distorts Yuuri's face. 

"Viktor, this is...this is not what I mean. I... I can't explain this better, but don't doubt me please."

Yuuri tears himself from the ground he has planted to, and sits next to Viktor on the sofa, while Viktor tries to sound calm and understanding, waiting for his defense. It really shouldn't anger him like this, but Viktor can't accept that the closest person to him doesn't know him too well, and only views him in this unrealistic idealism, it makes him feel estranged and unaccepted for who he truly is. 

"Of course I know you too well, Viktor, don't even doubt that. I know all your flaws and your imperfections, and I don't mind any of them, as much as you put up with me and all my messed up issues. But Viktor, you have to realize how...amazing you are that you can make anyone overlook your flaws and completely forget about them. And even with your human flaws you're still unreachable. Listen, what I meant here is other people's point of view, they don't know you for real, that flawless idolised version of you is what they see. But not me, I know Viktor."

A moment of peaceful silence prevails. Viktor should say something, to clarify this misunderstanding, to make peace with Yuuri, he can't stand staying mad at him, especially for nonsensical reason like that, but he doesn't know what's holding him back from making up from their almost fight. 

"I'll take the dogs out." Yuuri announces and takes off, evasion and avoidance again. But it's Viktor's turn, he's the one who should act. However, Yuuri takes Makkachin and Vicchan for their morning walk and his own jog. If things didn't turn too sour like this Viktor would go run with him like every day. Not only he's lonely and miserable, but also Yuuri won't talk to him now, great job!

Maybe if he acts like a decent adult instead of moping like a damn teenager Yuuri will forgive him, why did he even take his words the wrong way? It isn't Yuuri's fault yet he still takes it on him. And Viktor really really hates the smallest disagreement with Yuuri, 'cause if Yuuri left, who the hell would be with him? It's selfish and pathetic, but Viktor's biggest fear is loneliness, and the only one who's guarding him from this dark consuming monster is Yuuri. And now he'll drive him away like a fool because of his aggravated reactions. 

Regretful and remorseful, Viktor decides to apologize when Yuuri comes back, and he heads to the kitchen. A lovely breakfast goes well with an apology, good thing that it's off season for Yuuri and he can ease off his diet for a little bit, although he's still obsessed and eats very carefully even when he's on his annual summer vacation and doesn't have any rehearsals.

Which reminds Viktor that it's been really a while since they spent some good time together, Viktor constantly busy with that last exhibition and auction, but it's nothing compared to Yuuri's hectic spring season when he, aside from the intense rehearsals, literally performed almost every night and toured with his company the whole states and even outside the states in various countries. Like every fall and spring, they'll spend months without seeing each other, and the less intense summer is Yuuri's chance to recharge and spend some time with Victor, that's why Viktor was lonely as hell. But what can hedo about that? Yuuri is working for his life dream, and no matter how gruelling and demanding it is, he's living his dream. Being in the corps de ballet of the American theatre ballet is something not every danseur can achieve, Yuuri broke grounds, left his home and his beloved family for this, has worked too hard with literally his blood and sweat and tears, and he made it on his own. Therefore what's left for Viktor to do but being utterly proud and supportive to his amazing friend who will surely go to even bigger places?

Viktor would like to prepare some authentic dishes Japanese or Russian but no energy and no ingredients, so he just settles for some eggs and sausages and pancakes, Yuuri will kill him for this but he knows how polite he is that he can't refuse the fatty meal, and to be honest the food is too tempting that even Viktor is drooling while making it.

A loud barking startles him, Viktor realizes they're back, and anticipates Yuuri to enter the kitchen. He occupies himself in frying the eggs when he senses the footsteps.

"That's some boring ancient music you're playing." Viktor cracks a smile hearing Yuuri's distressed voice joking. 

"It's not Tchaikovsky, it's not even that old." Viktor answers humorously, never looking up from the pan. Then he's surprised when he sees Yuuri's hand snaking to turn off the stove. Viktor looks up to him, finding Yuuri offering him his other hand with a timid smile, and Viktor gladly takes it so Yuuri can spin them round.

It's good their kitchen is adequately vast to contain their impulsive waltzing, a habbit of theirs, to suddenly dance whenever a lovely piece of music is playing in the background, and this particular [piece](https://youtu.be/1LGVGekPSzo) is a favorite to their spontaneous dances. And so they silently dance and twirl around, smiling to each other in easiness, surrounded in their own bubble. Dancing can fix anything, most of the time. It makes them calmer, more relieved, bodies agreeing before minds, it's a way of communication for them. 

After the dance is over, they pull away and there are few seconds of awkwardness lingering around.

"I'm sorry." "I'm sorry."

Their voices collide in two coinciding apologies, combined in one funny sentence making them burst in hysterical laughter. Viktor holds his side to keep his balance, it's a laughter for the sake of it, a much needed escape from their distress. 

They manage to shake off their laughter, exchanging a much softer look. 

"Yuuri let me start. I'm sorry because I acted like that, you know how overdramatic I'm and I always exaggerate everything like it's the end of the world. But these days have been hard on me, and I'm sure you understand." 

"I understand, Viktor. There's a deep bond between us, and it equally hurts me if you think that I don't know you well, after all we've shared together. It's just... There's something wrong with my head, I can't explain it to you right now, but I promise I will. My point was, and I still insist on it, that your worth is much more than anyone." 

Viktor knows any further discussion will lead to another unpleasant argument, especially when Yuuri finalizes his words that way. He just shrugs, and points at the food layed on the table.

"Maybe we better have some breakfast, before it's gone cold."

Yuuri's attention is diverted to the food, and his eyes grow bigger, at the sight his stomach rumbles, making Viktor smile in satisfaction. "You made all this?" Yuuri asks, empressed even if it's not too much.

Viktor suggests taking their breakfast in their balcony, and Yuuri gladly agrees. They carry their meal with their poodles tracking them, and sit to the balcony set to enjoy their food, their view is beautiful as ever and the early summer breeze in the morning is more than refreshing. Viktor is glad everything is solved now, and even his frustrations from last night have vanished, doesn't mean they're threatening to spoil the atmosphere's clarity again, but at least not now. They converse about their plans for today, the weekend, Viktor suggests spendonf the day like any respectable boring two people and attend an interesting art exhibition he's been anticipating, then watch a Broadway musical, Yuuri loves those, and Viktor can easily get last minute tickets. And later they may have dinner and go to a bar or something.

After agreeing on their plans, they chatter with some light humor about Viktor's last date, which leads to recalling other disastrous memories, with a concealed analysis disguised under the jokes and giggles of why each past relationship fell short for Viktor. 

"Okay but thinking about it, classical music can be really intimidating. Like that time when I went with that guy few months ago to an orchestral concert dedicated to Bach's works, and he was almost asleep the whole time, but when the first notes of Tocatta and Fugue played, the guy freaked out and thought he was stuck in a horror movie from the forties."

"I admit it's scary as hell." 

"I just remembered for no reason, that time when I was seeing Joel, remember him? And I asked him if he would like to go to the opera, and he said oh yes he was open to try everything new. I took him to Tosca! In the Metropolitan opera house, the greatest thing he could ever watch and hear! And in the middle of Recondita Armonia, you know how much I love this aria, he asked so stupidly why the singers were shouting so loud, they couldn't they sing normally."

Yuuri chokes on his tea, laughing hard as he imagines the scene. "Did he have any idea what opera even means?"

"Not just that, but when the soprano playing Tosca appeared, he laughed and said wasn't Tosca supposed to be really hot, then why she was played by a fat sixty year old! Imagine it, Yuuri!"

"I've always said god should raise your standards, Viktor. Your modestly have led you to dating people who were impressed when you literally carried books to read in public!" 

"Oh my god, like that one time I was carrying an old edition of a Schopenhauer, I went out with a model back then last year, he asked me what I read, and I simply said a book by a German philosopher, and his eyes shone like a Christmas tree and said wow 'you're so smart'! Wow, I hadn't even said anything about the book! Or that time a guy asked me if I were a communist simply for holding a Russian book, and he looked genuinely afraid!"

"I would be afraid too if I see someone carrying around a one thousand page paperback of Anna Karenina, in Russian! Like it's some GQ issue."

"Hmm, maybe I'm really too boring Yuuri. I studied art history and I get excited by the mention of Andy Warhol and Basquait. I mostly listen to Puccini operas and Pavarotti's voice, and when I'm being too cool I play queen and the Smiths. I prefer wine to vodka and I've never willingly had something from McDonald's. And my favorite books are Wuthering Heights and the complete works of Jane Austen. I even live with a ballet dancer! Wow Yuuri I just bored myself to death right now."

Yuuri wanted to protest on his contribution to Viktor's boring image but he lets it go. "You're more like the stereotypical gay. Wait, you're like that terrible song... Who was the singer? Oh yeah Katy Perry!"

"Wait I know this one!" Viktor exclaims excitedly as he gets the [reference](https://youtu.be/o3mSLW60i_k) and he even starts to sing:

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf  
While jacking off listening to Mozart  
You bitch and moan about LA  
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway  
You don't eat meat  
And drive electrical cars  
You're so indie rock it's almost an art  
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

"Wow Yuuri! This is my anthem! This song is hella offensive but I'm sure some people think about me that way! Except I'm so gay and I do like boys and I eat meat but that's not the point!"

At the same time Yuuri is wheezing listening to Viktor's out of tune singing and lyrical analysis, laughing so hard that he might fall off his chair. 

"That makes sense, and when he called me pretentious he meant those lyrics saying I'm secretely so amused that nobody understands me! I'm wounded Yuuri. I feel called out... I'm pretentious and boring!"

"Viktor please..." Yuuri pants, recovering from the hysterical fit. "You memorizing the entire lyrics of this ten year old silly song is the complete opposite of boring, I mean how do you even know this song? It wasn't that popular."

"I had a phase... Whatever, can you tell me what am I supposed to do now? How to make myself down to earth and approachable?"

Yuuri leans forward to him, wearing his softer than ice cream smile, and Viktor loves ice cream a lot. "You just be yourself, never change for anybody Viktor."

It feels like falling into a bed of roses, raining petals, Viktor can already smell the alluring flowers perfumes, his heart blooms in his chest as the usual response to Yuuri's kindness. 

"And I'll write you a song even better than ur so gay, maybe I'll perform it at the Melody Room some night."

"Wait, no Yuuri you don't have to. I still haven't recovered from Tentacles love, please!"

"Too late I'm already inspired, I'll go get the guitar."

Yuuri writes the silliest dorkiest songs, and Viktor loves every one of them. When he discovered that hidden talent years ago, he used it as an anti-anxiety treatment for Yuuri, and encouraged him to perform his embarrassing songs to the public at some place. It was to get over his stage fright, he could never perform for his prestigious company with all that anxiety, it was holding him back from showing his full potential. Viktor's idea was that if Yuuri could do something this embarrassing he wouldn't have to worry during his important performances, and ever since then, Yuuri's performances have exceeded excellence even in the corps, become more liberated, and less anxious.

Suddenly Viktor's reminded of something, and goes after Yuuri.

"Yuuri..." He calls him as he enters the room, finding Yuuri on his bed tuning the strings of his guitar with all the seriousness and concentration in the world. Yuuri looks up to him, expectant. 

"I got too immersed in my own problems and I totally forgot that you broke up with Kyle last night!"

The note is surprising to Yuuri, but he shrugs in nonchalance. "There's nothing to talk about, like I told you, he wanted to have sex, I wasn't ready and honestly I was really meh about this whole thing. It was right to end it."

"Yes but Yuuri... Why are you failing at keeping a boyfriend too? Ah how unlucky both of us!"

"You know having a boyfriend isn't really a top priority for me, so I don't put much thought about it. I'm just focusing on my career now and I don't want anything to delay me. And with all the men I've been with, I only found obstacles and unnecessary drama, and I can barely take care of myself. Also, Viktor, you know how I must feel connected with the person I'm with, like I need to befriend them first and work to know them so they can earn my trust, I need someone to support me, and understand the nature of my job, and respect my boundaries. But they're always too rushed, too pushy, too horny. Why would I waste my time?"

"Wow, we've got things in common." Viktor says in bitter irony. And Yuuri sympathizes.

"I have no idea why it's so hard to find a proper partner, but at least I don't mind it much."

"I do." Viktor confesses in sadness, and Yuuri pats his shoulder in reassurance. 

"You will find him Viktor, the perfect one for you, the one who completes you." 

Viktor thinks to himself, _but how am I going to find someone exactly like you? And most importantly, why can't I have you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Viktor's boring? Is he pretentious and fake deep? What do you guys feel about the chapter? It's a whole mess but I'm pleased with it anyway, so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Also don't be fooled by all the "cultured" references. Viktor and Yuuri are still a bunch of idiots who would spend the night watching the cheesiest rom coms and singing along all the pop music in the radio. I hope their conversations weren't just too forced nor unnecessarily arrogant. This is pretty self indulgent, and I wish I could make their conversations more witty and funnier.
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading, your kudos and comments are the reason I love for 
> 
> Also please, don't smash your phones in frustration seeing how these two are smitten with each other yet they don't date, it'll all be revealed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: let's make an average of 5ks per chapter   
> Me, 9k words later: oh well

Yuri Plisetsky is a typical type A personality as described by the book, all the characteristics apply perfectly to him. So seeing him restless and fidgeting, pretty features wrinkled in an ugly frown, biting his nails in neurotic manner, it's all typical as he waits impatiently as his cousin -so calmly it's even more unnerving- goes through his art portfolio, scanning every page with much precision and concentration. He's been doing it for almost half an hour and Yuri's about to combust, the only thing that's holding him back is seeing the look of satisfaction, admiration even, on Viktor's face.

Finally , Viktor speaks, "I can't tell you how much I'm impressed by your portfolio here, Yurio. I'm actually enjoying it more than studying it. You've done a wonderful job!"

Yuri is internally pleased with praise. "Come on old man, I didn't present it to you for your damn entertainment, I don't care if you're enjoying it or not, I don't even care for your opinion at all!"

Viktor grins, teasing Yuri is a hobby of his. "Then why are you even here in my office? It's unlike you to pass by your cousin's workplace to say a lovely hello."

"I didn't come to see your stupid face. And I know my art is so fucking cool so and I don't need your validation, I won't thank you." He crosses his arms in stuborness. Viktor cocks his head, wondering again what brought him here. And Yuri gives up, slightly annoyed as he confesses, "I just want your objective opinion, okay? You're like the only art expert I know."

"Aw Yurio, you're recognizing my expertise and you trust my judgement? Just say you love me and go." Viktor coos at him adorably, driving him insane so he just mimics a gag. 

"Don't fucking call me that old man, you and your stupid friend, I'm the only Yuri here, and I'll never love you, I just want to use you for my own benefit, although I still think your IQ is below average."

"So affectionate, love ya too. Okay let's see..." Viktor's eyes are back to the pages again, navigating the artworks seriously that Yuri almost, almost respects his dedication. "I see you're obviously talented, also extremely skilled despite your young age, it shows how your talent is refined and shaped by much learning and practice. Your style is versatile and you're not just sticking to one to be your signature style, that's okay, but you still need to leave your distinctive imprint, or some will interpret it as confusion and turbulence. That doesn't deny the fact that you've mastered several styles and you function them properly. Also you've got tons of different subjects, you're still not sure what department you'll enroll in, right?"

Yuri hates sitting here like a kid, taking in Viktor's criticism and getting lectured But he needs to if he still wants to achieved excellence. "Yeah, they said I could experiment any course as long as I met the requirements."

"And you did indeed, many subjects, many materials, traditional and digital, portraits, observational, architecture, still life, anime even... You also provided detailed notes and included developmental processes. Wow Yuri with a portfolio like this I guarantee you'll get accepted and even get the full scholarship."

Yuri's eyes grows bigger. "Really?" His smile is so gorgeous, Viktor notices, goes well with his angelic feature. If he just scowls less!

"Yes definitely, but I think it's a little overstuffed, you should exclude some less significant works. If it works with you, you can leave it with me for the day so I can give you detailed notes about everything." 

"O...okay, thanks." Viktor smiles hearing his hesitant thanks, Yuri isn't prone to show his gratitude. 

"Also, I know many professors from that school, and if you want I can help to go easy with you in the interview!"

Yuri is immediately disgusted by the idea, dismissing it completely. "Fuck no old man, I don't need your help! I can make my own way without a pathetic intervention from you. This is extremely offensive to me, take it back now!"

Viktor holds his hands up in the air as Yuri gets ready to jump at him. "Okay okay I take it back, I'm sorry. Just offering help."

"Listen old man, I'm not just applying to one of the best art schools here to be accepted, but I'm also aiming for a full scholarship. Do you think our rich asses won't afford to pay the fees? Of course not! But I want this school to want me so much that they'll even pay for my food if they can, because I'm too good to lose. Understood?"

A half smile on his lips, Viktor doesn't blink, gazing at him in a mix of a admiration and pity. "I get it. But beware of your overconfidence, you may overestimate yourself and then screw up, which won't be pretty. I'm not saying it's something will surely happen, but I was just like you at your age, and I learnt a cruel lesson, I don't want you to get hurt like this, especially if art is all you've got."

His words are bitter, deeper than they intended to be, it makes Yuri almost gasp, but he quickly shakes them off, sporting his usual scowl. "Save your preaching to yourself old man, I can take a rejection well and transform it into another success, unlike someone else."

Viktor is well aware that Yuri never forgave him for giving up pursuing art as an education and a career. Viktor was the one who taught him how to hold a pencil and scratch doodles, how to hold a brush and mix colors to produce whole new ones. When Viktor first was sent to the states to get an art education at one of the big schools after showing interest in learning abroad, he stayed with his New York resident uncle Yakov and his wife Lilia, and Yuri, their grandson was still too young and lived with his parents. With Viktor's arrival, Yuri easily developed a brotherly bond with Viktor which was seldom for the grumpy little boy who disliked familirty and socialization, he frequented his grandparents' home more for Viktor, and Viktor taught him how to draw and paint, making him fall in love with art. 

And when Viktor failed to get accepted to study fine art, he wasn't used to failures and losses, he had had everything and everything came too easily to him. So he just gave up and decided to drop his dream altogether, he chose to study art history, which was still an involvement in art, but not in creating it. He decided to leave again and start new somewhere else, so he preferred to start studying art history in Italy fir a while, and ever since then, despite his young age, Yuri has felt betrayed, that Viktor let him down and easily gave up without a second try although his characteristic determination and stubbornness.

"Don't you regret it?" Yuri asks hesitantly, as if he's reading Viktor's mind.

Viktor smiles and shakes his head. "I'm perfectly happy with my choices, I love my job and I'm still surrendered by beautiful art."

Yuri snorts. "But it's not your art, and you just have a boring job commercializing art and selling it for millions to idiotic collectors who can't even taste it and only "invest" in it." 

"My job has much deeper aspects than this, but I won't blame you. You're partially right, but I still love it nevertheless, it's just the right thing for me."

"But...don't you miss creating?"

"You know I still do art, but for my own pleasure. Without the pressures and expectations weighting me down, without the other dictating to me what's good and what's bad art, it's hypocritical of me, since now obviously that's my job now, but I can't handle it for myself. When I first failed I realized that I couldn't take criticism too well, and if I just try again my art will turn into a task to prove myself good for the others instead if a means to express myself. I couldn't find that balance, so I just did what's good for me. That's why I'm telling you this, being determinant is good, but sometimes you need to know when to retreat at the right time before you destroy yourself and the thing you love with your stuborness."

Yuri seems deep in thought, a sign of actually listening instead of his blatant rudeness and sarcastic eye rolls, which Viktor is thankful for. But good times come to an end, and Yuri blows at his tongue in a ridiculing manner. "Wow, I learnt absolutely nothing useful today. Chill old man I'm not repeating your stupid mistakes, and don't act like I'm your fucking protégé."

Viktor rolls his eyes but he knows Yuri would prefer to gauge his eyes out over agreeing with him. "All I'm asking you is to humble down a little bit. Anyway, you'll do great. Oh also get ready to get rid of these fan arts."

"What?! Of course not, do you have any idea of the numbers of retweets and reblogs I got for these babies? People commission me to make their fantasies come true and I deliver perfectly!"

"That's why, this school still have some old fashioned professors and they have a negative attitude towards fandom subculture and transformative works since they noticed the rise of its production. And we're not sure who'll review your portfolio, so it's just a measure of caution, okay?"

Yuri huffs in frustration and crosses his arms. "Fine."

"Also a we'll tone down the illustration of Potya and all these...cats and tigers. You seem like a crazy cat lady."

"Over my dead body, that's like my major muse!"

"Okay okay, just don't kill me please!" 

Yuri's face twitches, holding back from jumping at him with amazing self control. But then his phone rings a text, and when he checks it his face immediately lights up that it can't go unnoticed. Viktor smirks, maybe Yuri is aggressive to him and the rest of the world, but he knows there's at least one person keeping Yuri's rarely seen softer self all for himself. 

"So how's Otabek?" Viktor teases slyly, and Yuri shoots him a killing look. 

"I don't know how's your stupid housemate?" Yuri wittily teases back catching him off guard.

"Now now, why are you bringing Yuuri up?"

"I know what you're hinting at and I'm not even going to deny even if it's non of your fucking business, but I'm going to take my chance and confess to my best friend, unlike some idiotic thirty year olds who are crushing on their housemates and won't do anything about it."

"B... Ah... Umm..." Viktor stutters like he forgot how to talk, because how the hell did his seventeen year old cousin expose him that easily? Is he that obvious? After all this time he still can't do a better job hiding it?

Yuri is too busy to enjoy his small victory and tease him even further with more stingy snarky comments, and he keeps tapping enthusiastically on his phone, ignoring one mortified Viktor.

"Gotta leave now old man, you still helping me with the portfolio?"

"Sure, I'll drop by to give it back and say hello to your parents."

"Okay, later."

Yuri exits still looking in his phone, not bothering to look back. Seconds later Christoph Giacometti enters, smiling. "Hey Viktor, busy?" 

"Chris! Wow you're here! Come in, it's been too long." 

They properly greet with a hug, exchanging few happy words for seeing each other after many months as Chris was home in Swiss. Chris is considered one of Viktor's few friends, they've known each other since Viktor's one year studies in Florence. Being an artist himself and art collector they've had many things in common, and despite the distance they still maintain their friendship. 

"So what's on the next cont auction?" Chris asks, toying with his cup of coffee. 

"Probably a very valuable Hockney sold by a prominent Chinese collector, there're also Jonas Wood and Gerhard Richter, it's gonna be big. But something is telling me you're not here for business."

"Your something is right..." Chris leans towards him, resting his face on his hand, a flirty look in his eyes. "Maybe I'm missing you a little too much." 

Viktor chuckles, shaking his head. "I know I'm so easy to miss, poor you Christoph."

"Anyway, it's been long since I enjoyed this big apple and I've decided to do it differently this time. Some friends of mine are spending a lovely summer week in Southampton, they invited me with my man and it was too tempting to refuse the offer, so I've already rented a cozy two bedroom beach house near their own, and I thought I should make use of the spare room and invite a dear friend to enjoy the dreamy vacation so what are you saying, dear friend?"

"Aw Chris, that's sweet of you. But I'm not so sure I can take a vacation at the moment."

"Oh come on, just for the weekend. I'm sure you could free two days in your schedule. Also bring cute little Yuuri along, how's he and his hotter than hell ass?"

Somehow the remark makes him...uncomfortable? Why is that when Chris' second language after French is "suggestive"? "I thought you had a boyfriend, Chris." He deadpans, hopefully sounding judgmental enough. 

"God forbid appreciating one fine ass out of athestics because I have a man. I thought you were more open minded Viktor." Chris gasps dramatically, but then he gives him a sly look. "Or maybe you're not that open minded when it comes to Yuuri."

Viktor feels his face heating up, he pretends to look at the meaningless folder on his disk as if he's busy, hoping to avoid Chris' hawking. What's with all the people nudging his not so small crush at his best friend? Since when has the world become too mean? And why is Viktor currently too fixated on this idea more than usual?

"Okay I'm coming." He agrees, desperate to divert his friend's amused attention. 

"Will you bring Yuuri?" Of course he won't let him live.

" I'll ask him but I'm not sure he'll agree. He's been practicing hard lately for his new season's auditions, and it's been taking toll on him. But now we're talking about it, I feel like this short vacation is perfect for him, he needs to relax."

"Excellent. I'll be waiting for your call to confirm. Kiss Yuuri hello for me." Chris says as he stands to take his leave, his last figurative request settling in Viktor's stomach. It's weird today!

 

*****

 

After finishing his work, Viktor goes home exhausted and crumbling down, and with each passing minute he becomes even more confident about his choice to take that vacation. He only hopes he manage to convince Yuuri as well without much effort, stubborn Yuuri is difficult to deal with and Viktor doesn't have the energy for this, even if he always wins in the end.

Makkachin jumps on him when he arrives the apartment, landing them both on the hard floor, tough love. Viktor laughs and rubs him, cooing and adoring his missed poodle. He finally untangles himself from the excited dog and gets up to look for Yuuri. The mouthwatering food smells and the clattering noise coming from the kitchen guide him to his place. Viktor takes off his blazer and tie as he walks to Yuuri. At the kitchen, Yuuri is engrossed in chopping some vegetables that he doesn't notice Viktor standing there. 

Viktor takes it as a chance to prank him for a good laugh, he sneaks from behind, steps careful and inaudible, and when he's too close Viktor extends his hand to clutch Yuuri's shoulder shouting, "What are you making chef?" 

The answer comes as deafening yelp with Yuuri turning back in horror, but Viktor doesn't laugh when he sees liquid red painting Yuuri's finger. "Fuck you Viktor, you scared the hell out of me, and you made me cut myself!" 

"Oh my god I'm so sorry Yuuri I was only joking. Come wash your cut." He takes him to the sink to pour down water on his hand, and Yuuri glares at him, Viktor winces seeing how enraged Yuuri is. And he repeats his apologies.

"You're a real clown Viktor aren't,you? Joking? What are you, seven?"

Viktor pouts deeply like a seven year old prankster. His eyes drops guiltily on the floor. "I'm sorry Yuuri, I was dumb." 

"Yes you are, I was holding a knife!" Yuuri continues to scold as he moves to fetch the first aid kit from one of the cupboards to heal his cut.

"I would take this knife and sharpen it till it cuts the air, and I would stab it deep in my chest and squeeze out my heart detaching it from its vessels to gift it to you as an apolog, Yuuri!" 

Yuuri huffs a laugh at the extra drama of his friend, but quickly transforms it into a cough maintaining his upset character. "Shut up, this is won't make me laugh. You're reckless and irresponsible and you should stop this. God, people your age have children!" 

Viktor pouts deeper, whining in agony as if he's weeping like a kid, and he takes Yuuri's bandaged finger to blow at it and kiss the cut. "Here, it'll heal faster. Yuuri please don't be mad at Viktor." He puts his playful charms in effect, forcing another laugh from Yuuri.

Yuuri groans, still smiling. "Don't be so cute when I'm trying to be mad at you, you're so frustrating!" Still pouting, Viktor flutters his eyes innocently until Yuuri completely gives up. "Fine fine I'm not mad, stop that!"

"Yay, Yuuri isn't mad at Viktor." 

Yuuri pushes him towards the door to urge him to leave the kitchen, laughing. "I can lose a limb because of you and I won't even be mad. Go change your clothes until dinner is ready you stupid man."

"What are we eating?" Viktor shouts out of the kitchen. 

"Miso Salmon, ginger rice, soup, and spring rolls!" Yuuri teases the meal and Viktor stomach is already grumbling, after three years with Yuuri, he's developed particular fondness to Japanese cuisine more than even his home dishes. Maybe everything about Yuuri is a little too easy to love. 

Minutes later they sit to enjoy the meal after making peace. Viktor initiates a casual conversation, but it's clear that Yuuri's doing his best to pay attention to him despite his fretting. 

"Can you believe that Yurio voluntarily came to work today? He was asking me to check the art portfolio he's submitting for a scholarship from a very prestigious art school. And honestly it makes me on top of the world, he's growing too fast, Yuuri, he's so gifted and his skills are amazing, I'll show you his fantastic works. But what's making me happier that he came to me for advice, I mean he used my renowned experience as an excuse but still. Art has been the thing that connects us together, since he was so young, and I'm so happy we still share that bond."

The time Viktor's talking, admiration is evident on Yuuri's face. They met only few times, but Yuuri immediate grew a soft spot for the moody teenager, finding his blatant rudeness and general aggression playful and cute, but what struck Viktor shocked was the fact that Yuri was actually nicer to Yuuri, relatively nice according to the standard Yuri, and it was really surprising how Yuuri's calm demaneur evoked an unfamiliar softness in Yuri's sharpness, unusually taming him.

"Viktor this is wonderful! I'm so proud of Yurio, he's got the talent and confidence and he works hard, I'm sure he'll get it. Also the way you look now makes my heart swell, it's so endearing... how much you care for him and how you're actually mentoring him."

"Oh don't ever use that word in front of him, he's not my fucking protege, quoting him."

"How affectionate! But for real, he's taking a lot after you, even if he's too proud to admit it."

"Oh please, I've never had half the potential he has."

Yuuri raises an eyebrow, lips curling in a smile, and Viktor eyes him innocently. "Fake modesty doesn't suit you, Nikiforov. I'm not going to compliment you.?

Viktor giggles. "Was it that obvious? But no, he's really incredibly good and I want him to be the best." 

"Always so supportive and kind..." Viktor looks in surprise, finding Yuuri shyly bearing his trademark soft look. "You always support and believe I people around you to succeed. Even if you barely know them. I'll never forget how you stood with Phichit when he was just a fresh graduate with no experience or connections in the art world, his project was so ambitious. But when he approached you, you welcomed him, and offered him all the help he needed to show his performance at the gallery you worked at then, and stood for him against the owners to showcase the performance The success he has had ever since then and where I'm standing at now are all thanks to you."

Viktor opens his mouth and closes, hesitant how to reply. Maybe Viktor fishes for compliments from Yuuri all the time, but when he unexpectedly gets them from him his soul levitates from his body, floating to the highest skies in an indescribable bliss. Yuuri is bashful when he praises him, Viktor is even more bashful when he receives the praising. "You know I was just a medium, it was all thanks to his creative project and his talent that he secured my support, and it was your perfect execution and beauty that stole the eyes. Don't discredit the both of you like this."

Yuuri opens his mouth to protest, but Viktor is quick to stop him. "And before you say it's fake modesty, I'm crediting myself for my artistic vision and my ability to discover the diamonds in the rough. Okay?" Viktor shoots him a wink, and Yuuri giggles and nods, then they proceed to eat.

Viktor doesn't have the guts to say he couldn't refuse an art revolved around Yuuri as a muse. To be fair, Viktor knew that Phichit was talented and his performance was of a great potential. But, a capital B, it wasn't the major reason he insisted on showcasing his performance, which was basically a conceptual art performance based on the abstraction of music and dance using abstract paintings of dancers in various positions and blurry photographs of a dancer mid dance, and the dancer himself dancing a minimal choreography without music. It's not hard to guess that Yuuri was the dancer. And that's how they met, Viktor and Yuuri.

When Phichit came up to Viktor when he was working at the gallery back then, Viktor was interested with the concept, bodies creating music, and while his project was still lacking, mainly the number of dancers, with one only willing to participate the performance, the sketches and initial plans were good, but then Phichit showed him a demo of the show, including the dancer's performance. And watching the dedicated dancer moving, Viktor was sold. Yuuri was captivating, enthralling, demanded to be looked at, and Viktor never looked away, it didn't matter the art project or the purposeful lack of music, Viktor swore on Phichit's genius when he chose the right description, Yuuri danced like his body was making the music. 

Viktor asked in curiosity how he had found the dancer, Phichit said he had used to dance ballet before dropping it for fine art, and he had always been possessed by his idea ever since he had started studying conceptual and performance arts, the art that combines visual and artistic and dramatic aspects in one living artwork. Phichit had been waiting for an inspiration to start his project, searching among the dancers in ballets for his muse, until he, by chance, was reunited with a long time friend they had spent a summer together at an international ballet camp.

At that time Yuuri had newly relocated in the states after winning a big international competition and a position with a moderately famous company in New York. Phichit had recognized him while watching a ballet, and they had met with renewed happiness. Phichit had always thought Yuuri was an exceptional dancer and he had asked him to be part of the project. He had found hard time to persuade him with Yuuri being anxious and shy, but he eventually had agreed, just to support his friend, even if Phichit had no pay to offer for him, Yuuri hadn't cared. 

Viktor took in the project, and he struggled to convince the gallery owners with the idea which that had found uninteresting and amateur, and mostly because Phichit was a nobody. But Viktor wanted something and it wasn't like him to settle for less, and with his magic he persuaded them. In preparations do the showcase Viktor met Yuuri with Phichit several times, and from the first moment he was immediately drawn to the beautiful dancer, enchanted by everything about him. He didn't want to come too strong, so he managed to build a friendship with the sweet young man. He grew closer to him than even Phichit, but he sensed if he suggested more than friendship he would drive him away, so he didn't make any moves on him, enjoying the shared interests and blissful company of the dancer.

The show was a success, and Phichit instantly became one of the most anticipated emerging artists. While Yuuri himself was lucky enough to catch the eyes of one of the spectators, who happened to be a principal dancer at the American ballet theatre, landing him an audition to join the respected company, which Yuuri thought it was a cruel joke on him because no way he would be chosen for such a big thing, and he had that ugly habit if underestimating himself, still has.

So yeah, the credit belongs to Phichit for introducing into Viktor's life the most valuable piece of art he's even witnessed, the proof that human is the greatest masterpiece. 

Viktor can't imagine telling this to Yuuri without freaking him out, because Yuuri's polite answer to sincere compliments is straight fainting. This man has much power and he doesn't even realize it. 

"Hey, remember Christoph Giacometti?" Yuuri nods. "He's spending the weekend at the Hamptons in Long Island, and he invited us to join him and his boyfriend. You've never been to Southampton before, right? The place is beautiful."

"I'm afraid I can't accept. Viktor, you know new season auditions are only a week away and I need to practice every moment." 

"And that's exactly why you should go. I know you've been working yourself to death, Yuuri, and it's not good. You're gonna burn yourself out before the season even starts, and you need proper time to relax and re-energize. Trust me, this short vacation is for your best. Please Yuuri, come with me to the beach."

"Viktor I can't, believe me. I won't enjoy it if my mind is on other things. You go and have fun for me."

"Yuuuuuri..." Viktor chirps, putting his hypnotizing pout in effect. "I won't enjoy without you, and you're the most aware that exerting yourself without proper rest will only wear you out and distress you even more. Come on, Yuuri you haven't taken a decent vacation for ages, you didn't even go to Hasetsu this year."

"Right, I feel guilty for not seeing my family for this long."

Viktor covers Yuuri's hand with his, brushing it lightly. "Listen, you're family is more than amazing and they understand your priorities, they'll forgive you if you skip a summer without visiting. But they won't forgive you if you overexert yourself and lose your health in training. When we went to visit then last year, Hiroko made me promise her that I would take care of you. And I'm keeping my promise to her, it's my duty and as your caregiver I order you to spend a weekend on the beach with me. It's only for two days Yuuuuri!"

Yuuri sighs, the sigh of defeat, because how can he argue against Viktor? Who in their right mind w0uld stand in the face of the wrecking force of Viktor Nikiforov? Yuuri knows better than this. "Fine, but don't complain about how boring and grumpy I'll be when we get there." 

"Yay... As if!"

 

*****

 

"Welcome friends." Chris opens his arms, one hand already grasping a tropical drink, and he's already wearing his beach gear, which to be described is Hawaiian at best, like they're not in New York.

Viktor and Yuuri descent from the car, Viktor dramatically inhales deeply, hands gesturing at all the fresh air loaded with sea saltiness, body dancing to the sound of waves breaking on the nearby shore. He stretches and takes off his shades to take a good look on the place. He turns back to Yuuri who's busy emptying the car trunk of their luggage.

"Yuuri, what do you think?" He inquires cheerfully, Yuuri looks up and immediately grins.

"It looks amazing. Thank you, Chris, for hosting us." 

"You're the most welcome, hope you enjoy your time here." Chris strides to him to help him with the bags. Then he raises his eyebrows when he catches the many suitcases that surely belong to more than two people and two days. He eyes Viktor who's fooling around with the poodles. "What all this? I thought you're only staying for the weekend."

"It is for the weekend only, silly." Viktor answers airily, busy rubbing and spoiling Makkachin and Vicchan. Meanwhile Yuuri struggles to carry the heavy luggage, and Chris shakes his head. 

"And you're slaving Yuuri to carry all your shit?"

Viktor shoots him a hearty smile. "Yuuri doesn't mind, he's so strong, right my Yuuri?"

Chris turns to look at Yuuri, only to find him a look on his face screaming "save me please", he takes pity on him and helps him, and they all head to enter the house. 

"Where's Andre? I don't see him here." Viktor asks about his boyfriend. 

"He's on the beach with the rest of our friends, you'll meet after you change. Here's your room." Chris declares as they step inside the cozy bedroom with a wide window overlooking the beach. "There's only one king sized bed so I hope you don't mind." 

Of course it isn't an issue to share the bed, as if they haven't already done it many times when they own separate bedrooms. But somehow Yuuri hides his blush while he hauls the suitcases. Viktor, still cheerful and exciting, shakes him mind. "It's okay, we'll share."

Chris' face turns amused, and before he can make a suggestive remark, Yuuri saves himself. "Where's the bathroom, please?" 

"Come on I'll show you, then I'll prepare you a snack until you change and refresh and we'll go out on the beach."

Shortly after, they join the others on the beach, getting involved with the group of friends and acquaintance. Viktor is already familiar with many of them, even if he isn't, it's not hard for him to charm his way into everyone's heart, socializing and interacting easily, dividing his attention in fairness to talk to everyone. All while never leaving Yuuri's side, because he's aware of how estranged and isolated Yuuri feels among a group of total strangers, hard to fit in, and he'll be damned if he lets Yuuri feel like an outcast for a second. 

It kind of annoys Yuuri, even more than Chris and Viktor's matching equally scandalous swimwear -they just want to spread love and peace with their lovely buttcheeks-, Viktor insisting on sticking by his side is annoying because he doesn't need a babysitter, Yuuri justifies. But Viktor doesn't either want him to retreat on his own, he doesn't want to leave him to his own mind. Instead he involves him in whatever pointless talks they have, introduces him as a ballet dancer which is met with awed gasps, because yeah Yuuri is beautiful and his occupation is an emphasis on his beauty. Yet, Yuuri doesn't feel like making friends, and he didn't imagine Viktor would even want to. Isn't the ideal gateway for Viktor is reading a collection of short stories by Chekhov on the beach or something? Now he wants to make friends? When has it changed? Traitor.

They find a good compromise when Yuuri swears he just wants to dip himself in the water and have a nice swim, Viktor is doubtful because it still sounds like a fitness exercise, until Yuuri snaps at him that the main point of the beach is swimming in the sea. So Viktor finally gives him up to the ocean. Yuuri giggles when Viktor asks him to be cautious if Neptune retrieving his lost merman.

By the of the day, the group moves from the beach to one of the beach houses' gardens, hosting what resembles a BBQ party, chattering and enjoying while grilling the dinner and dancing to the faint music playing in the background. Viktor observes Yuuri who's much more relaxed now and open to conversations with different people. It's satisfying, yet it leaves him uneasy, it's silly but Viktor feels a little lonely seeing Yuuri in a company other than his. It's absurd how clingy and attached he is, but that has always been Viktor's drawback, too needy...too clingy, always wanting to be the center of his attendant's attention. And right now Yuuri is the closest person to him, even with all these people surrounding him. 

As the night progresses, Viktor is surprised when Yuuri so courageously and willingly offers to play a song for them if there's a guitar around. Viktor laughs in shock, asks him what's gotten into him, and Yuuri laughs back, saying he's challenging himself, but he's not bold enough to play his own composition, doesn't want to lose the social respect he's recently earned. 

Someone magically produces a guitar and hands it over to Yuuri, he smiles sweetly as he takes the guitar, starting to tune the strings, while everyone else crowds around him, either sitting on the grass in anticipation or leaning against a tree dreamily. It's Yuuri's presence that radiates a certain calmness inducing everyone to relax like injecting tea sedative that runs through the blood and loosens you up

He stands with a gorgeous posture, hugging the guitar to himself, his face is colored with a pretty blush and his eyes sparkle excitedly. Viktor occupies the first row of the grass sitters, and he knows he's Yuuri's steadying point, his anchor to stabilize his nerves, inhibiting him from drifting away with his anxieties. 

Yuuri starts to play a soft melody with a coy smile on his face, then his voice, soothing and honeylike, chirps the melancholic [song](https://youtu.be/sElE_BfQ67s)...

 

 _You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust  
Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above_

Just with the opening verse, Viktor is instantly entranced...just as enchanted as anyone else hearing Yuuri's mellow voice for the first time...

 _Got the music in you baby,_  
_Tell me why_  
_Got the music in you baby,_  
_Tell me why_  
_You’ve been locked in here forever & you just can’t say goodbye_

He is a dancer, and even his voice dances masterfully to the music...

 _Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms  
You’ve been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark…_

Viktor has never heard this son before, but he can identify with deep melancholy in it...in its gloomy lyrics...

 _Your lips,_  
_My lips,_  
_Apocalypse_

Their eyes meet for an immeasurable amount of time, Yuuri's kind expression changes to something darker, and everything else vanishes leaving the two of them alone...

 _Go & sneak us through the rivers,_  
_Flood is rising up on your knees_  
_Oh please…_

Yuuri's still singing and humming like a siren's call, gaze piercing through Viktor, inviting him in, Viktor gladly drowns inside the seas of chocolates and caramels...

 _Come out & haunt me_  
_I know you want me_  
_Come out & haunt me_

Does he know? Does he mean it? Does he even mean a single word he sings?

 _Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids  
Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist…_

Maybe it's just one very beautiful song, sang with the intention to entertain all the blessed souls here, including Viktor's...

 _When you’re all alone_  
_I will reach for you_  
_When you’re feeling low_  
_I will be there too_

Or maybe not... Because who else reaches for him when's alone, feeling low?

 

By the time the song comes to an end, applause and cheers soar up, Yuuri's laugh is adorably shy, like he's wondering what impressed them so much. On the other hand Viktor is busy retaining his oxygen after having his stolen breath back, body shuddering and cheeks heated up for no obvious reason. It's just a very haunting song that the combination of Yuuri's dreamy voice and its moving lyrics, and that song left every person mesmerized and nostalgic about some lost love, it's not strange for Viktor to get caught in his fantasies and relate to the words, maybe he's just projecting his yearning to romance on the closest person to him, it's a reflection of what he generally feels more than of whom he specifically feels for, right? Right?

Yuuri's still showered with praises from his newly gained face, begged for an encore, yet he politely declines, too overwhelmed by the glory of fame or something. It's no wonder he's attracted more attention to him now that few more people are intrigued to get to know him, but Yuuri still searches with his eyes among them, until his eyes find Viktor's and they exchange a private smile. 

Chris creeps to Viktor's side, giving him a smug face that is so tempting to slap. Viktor just chuckles and dismiss him, along with the idea that this song meant anything. You don't lay romantic songs specially for your (platonic) friends.

 

*****

 

It's past midnight with a couple of hours, time approaching to the sunrise, and no one hardly on the beach but Viktor, draped over a blanket on the sand, enjoying the solitary in the face of the ocean with a sneaked bottle of liquor. Sleep never visited him tonight, even when he was pressed against the warm body of sleeping Yuuri. So he resorted to enjoying one glass of whisky in the cool breeze ocean breeze for some minutes, but time ran fast and the minutes has turned into hours, and one glass has turned into half a bottle. So here sits Viktor, trembling a little with the wind blowing from waves breaking on the shore, tipsy and moody and reminiscent.

He casually finds himself humming a recently preserved melody, murmuring softly to himself "come on and haunt me... I know you want me".

He can always blame it on the alcohol, these sentimental thoughts overtaking his mind and urging his heart to thump heavily like a drum. But it's just some occasional blues and soon he'll get over it. It's a circle of longing and hopelessness, then oblivion and going on with life, starts and ends all the same, and in the end, he lives with it.

"Viktor?" The concerned voice sends a wave of fondness across Viktor. Raising his sight, Yuuri is standing there close to him, his lovely face glowing under the silver light of the moon, black strands wildly flirting with the blowing wind, still in his slumber sweats and T-shirt. "Why are you here?" He asks as he drops on the blanket beside Viktor. The most welcomed company indeed.

"Couldn't sleep so came here to have the beach all for myself, the world is mine now!" Viktor thrusts his fist in the air humorously, drawing a pure giggle from Yuuri. "And what woke you up at this hour? You were sleeping like a baby." 

"I don't know, got up thirsty, so I drank and couldn't go back to sleep." 

Viktor points to the bottle laid next to him. "You're still thirsty?" 

Yuuri's eyes widen in disbelief. "You're here getting drunk on the beach?" 

"Terribly romantic, I know." Without asking, he fills the glass with a sip of booze and introduces it to him, but Yuuri's hand push it away. It's nothing new that Yuuri is a little reserved when it comes to drinking since his fun forms agree too well with alcohol, which isn't pretty for Yuuri when he wakes up the next day with an awful hangover and a blackout memory burying deep all the embarrassing mistakes from the previous night, which are all his fun points in Viktor's opinion. "Come on, it's a vacation and you can make a fool of yourself. I've already seen a lot of that." 

Hesitantly, Yuuri takes the drink and pours it down at one go, wincing at the burn. Viktor pours down another, but Yuuri is horrified. "I think one is enough..."

"Yuuuuri~" 

Yuuri finds no point of resistance, because he probably wants to and he's just declining out of habit. Viktor watches him with satisfaction gulping the drink. "Now let's play a game, take a shot for every failing relationship I've had..."

"And die of alcohol poisoning." It's sad and funny at the same time, but it's funnier at the moment and humor is an acceptable method to cope with mishaps and bad experiences. 

"Okay okay, we play a game, I give you a clue about an ex or a date, and you guess the name. You win, I take a shot. You fail, you take a shot. Let's see how much you remember my dating history"

"That's a tough game, but you know my competitive streak. So, bring it on!" 

Viktor beams in excitement, sitting up and straightening his pose. "Okay, let's start. He was an asshole." 

"You really want me to name over 1000 men?" Yuuri snaps angrily, and Viktor chuckles.

"He slept with me, and the next day I discovered he had a wife and three kids." 

"Wait I know this one...ah...ah... something Hudson!" Yuuri exclaims the answer, too confident and sure about it that he jolts. 

"Dave Hudson, correct! One point for you and one shot for me." Viktor claps for him, and drinks straight from the bottle. Yuuri celebrates with a clap for himself and he leans forward expecting more. "Let's see... This one was the surgeon who did your appendectomy when you had appendicitis, and he never returned my calls after we went out for a date." 

"No no that was long time ago, I can't even remember his face, I was sick Viktor!" 

"I don't care. Take a shot..."

Yuuri takes the bottle with much grudge. "I can't even believe you went to hook up with my doctor when I was dying." 

"Stop being dramatic, you were discharged on the same day and he asked me one week after the operation. I wonder why he never called, the date was fine."

"Whatever, he was so unattractive, you need to raise your standards for heaven's sake. Next?"

Viktor levels up the difficulty of the game, recalling ancient embarrassing memories and unfortunate incidents, people who he wasted months with and other who didn't deserve more than mere minutes, mistakes made by him, more inflicted upon him. It's a comic tragedy with no relief by the occasional sips he takes with Yuuri's rare victories, because there is no way Yuuri can keep up with the long list of disappointments and frustrations that is Victor's love life. And Viktor isn't ashamed to wallow in self pity in front of him, he blames it on the alcohol. 

Yuuri unwinds more and more with every shot of loss, the whiskey buzzes through him, and he relaxes completely, letting down his guards and being genuinely mischievous and cute. It's a favorite persona of Viktor, drunk laid back Yuuri. His jokes are sharper, comments more snarky, switching from the angelic calm guy to that savage sassy boy. And he ends every pathetic tale of Viktor with "Raise your fucking standards".

"How high should I raise them to meet you?" Viktor blurts out of no where, still conscious of what he's just said, and it isn't alcohol talking. 

Yuuri tilts his head in confusion, blinking his half lidded eyes to him. He shakes his head. "That's an unforgivable downgrade, Viktor..." He slurs, and before Viktor protests, soft lips capture his in a surprising whisky flavored kiss. 

Viktor indulges himself in the kiss, moaning into the harshness and urgency in Yuuri's teeth and tongue. Because this is drunk Yuuri, unstoppable, hurried, sinister, and rough. Viktor takes Yuuri's waist in his hands as Yuuri climbs onto his lap, straddling his middle with his legs, muscular thighs squeezing the life out of Viktor's torso. His hands clutch painfully at the silver locks, it's stingy and painful and Viktor loves every bit of it, whining in Yuuri's mouth. The needy sounds coming from them beat the ocean waves in loudness.

The longer the kiss lasts, the more primal and savage it becomes, all gentleness subsides to get replaced by pure animalstic desire. It's another thing about drunk Yuuri, how untamed and lustful he is. Yuuri keeps on kissing, erotically rocking his hips down to meet Viktor's, grinding their growing erections to each other. His movement is frantic and uncoordinated, bringing Viktor to full hardness in no time. 

Yuuri tears himself away from Viktor's desperate hold, giving him a room for breathing again. Viktor pants hard and squirms, everything is hazy and heavy with desire, stopping his mind from working and ripping him of sense and reason. The reason says they're in public and prone to be seen by any passerby, but he's too blinded with desire to see or care. 

Yuuri shifts from his lap, drawing a pained awe from Viktor at the loss of the contact. Like a starving animal catching a prey, Yuuri licks his lips in anticipation as his darkened eyes run over Viktor sitting helplessly at his mercy. He doesn't warn him when he presses his chest with both his hands, groping and feeling up his pectorals while pushing him down on his back. Yuuri slides both his hands under Viktor's shirt, reaching to grip Viktor's toned chest, thumbing and pinching the perky nipples, and Viktor cries out in pain accompanied by pleasure. 

"Ah Yuuri... Please...please..." Viktor writhes under his hands, begs for anything Yuuri wants to give him. Because you don't ask from drunk turned on Yuuri, you only take what he's generous enogh to give you. This is the dual pattern of their sex life, it ranges between gentle love making and to comfort a lonely or heartbroken Viktor, in which Yuuri selflessly gives Viktor what he wants, making his pleasure the priority. And between the drunken rough fucking which selfishly serves to Yuuri's own pleasures, and Viktor gladly caters to his sinful desires. And in both it's Yuuri that takes the upper hand, that has all the control, and Viktor never regrets giving him the power, it's the perfect dynamic for them.

Yuuri palms Viktor's bulge through his shorts in hard squeezes, he lets his other hand crawl on the side of Viktor's bared thigh, and Viktor sings his moans and whimpers, fucking relentlessly into Yuuri's gripping palm. The wandering hand enters beneath the shorts, creeping up Viktor's firm buttock, and he squeezes there tightly at the round globe. Viktor arches when Yuuri does the same trick with his other hand, letting go of Viktor's clothed hardness and goes through the shorts leg opening, to grab the base of his dick, and Viktor pleads harder.

Taking off both his hands out, instead Yuuri effortlessly drags down the shorts, stripping Viktor's entire bottom naked. And Viktor's cock stands up, full and begging for relief, Yuuri drags his tongue across his lower lip. Then he looks at Viktor in the eyes. "Don't move your hips and don't use your hands, keep your eyes on me." He orders with a slight slur but a hotter than hell husky voice, and Viktor with no thinking obeys.

He feels Yuuri's heated breathing near his crotch, then his breathing hitches when Yuuri's tongue darts out to lick a long strip along Viktor's length. He repeats the motion that Viktor's hips buckle on their own, Your gives his cock a warning slap, and his cock twitches, Yuuri gives it another harder one, and Viktor chokes, liking the feeling.

Kissing and biting the inner of Viktor's thighs, Yuuri marks the soft flesh with love bites, avoiding completely the neglected cock between Viktor's the legs. He takes his time to savour the taste, humming in satisfaction as he dives more into the irritated skin. Then his fingers move to brush Viktor's cock, teasing lightly and driving him madder.

Yuuri dips his finger in Viktor's precome stained tip, putting it into his mouth to taste him, moaning. He begins to presses wet kisses all over the tip, the shaft, the base, then he licks his balls, Viktor does his best to restrain himself from moving. Then Yuuri proceeds to lick and swirling his tongue around the member, dipping his tongue into the slit. Meanwhile his hands disappear as he starts working himself inside his own pants. 

With no further teasing Yuuri takes him gradually inside his mouth, and Viktor bites the back of his hand as he feels the tightening wetness around his cock challenging his pleasure threshold, watching his own cock disappearing between Yuuri's insanely gorgeous red lips. Yuuri doesn't struggle to take his entire length, deep throating him that Viktor can come at any moment. Then he moves his head and mouth, working his tongue around him, and Viktor dies everytime Yuuri suckles with the loudest lewdest noises, taking him balls deep, his hands work on their own, roaming and caressing miles of sensitive skin.

Viktor tries to hard not to thrust inside Yuuri or come too soon, pleading like a good boy for a release. Yuuri's eyes stare at him wide open, fire dancing in them like the gates of hell. Suddenly, he releases him, his lips lingering on the damp tip, and Viktor whines in pain at the loss. "No please Yuuri.. Please!" 

"So loud..." Yuuri growls as he makes a quick work of his sweats, freeing his own set hardness. Yuuri hovers over Viktor's, kissing him harshly, and Viktor chokes on his own taste. Viktor tries to reach his hand to his own cock to finish up, but Yuuri swats it away. Then Yuuri shifts abruptly to straddle Viktor's face between his knees, crouching over him. Yuuri looks down at him, a wicked smirk on his face. "I'll make feel good but after you make me feel good..." He murmurs, taking himself in his hand hissing as he vigorously pumps his erection. Viktor, still panting, sticks his tongue out, eager to have a taste.

"Your face so pretty Viktoru~" Yuuri slurs as he lowers his pelvis near Viktor's face, pointing down his cock down, touching Viktor's cheek with its head, then he rubs the tip all over his face, smearing it messily with precome. "I'll sit on this pretty face..." He promises excitedly, and he settles his bottom on Viktor's shoulders, planting his hand firmly in the sand to balance himself. He places the tip at the corner of Viktor's mouth, and Viktor shudders, ready to swallow, then he traces his kiss swollen lips, glossing it with more precome.

"Please... Please... Fuck my mouth Yuuri..." Viktor begs, his hands reaching to hold his hips, but Yuuri stops him midway, holding both his hands with his own, fingers interlacing. And Yuuri pushes inside Viktor's accessible mouth, digging inside with a sharp inhale, cursing as Viktor swallows willingly his entire length, uncaring of his own chock or tears, just sucking Yuuri's cock, lapping his tongue beneath the thickness.

Letting go of Viktor's hands, Yuuri grips at the silver hair, steadying Viktor's head as he starts to thrust frantically into his mouth fucking his face like there's no tomorrow. Viktor moans and wails around him, the head hitting the back of his throat, suffocating him, body squirms and his own dick is painfully crying for a relief.

"Ah so good... Your mouth is so good, you're making me feel so good... I'll make you good too." 

Reluctantly, Yuuri pulls out and Viktor has an earth shattering fit of couch. Yuuri repositions himself, ass sitting on Viktor's face and cock digging back inside his mouth, then he bends down to take Viktor's poor cock into his mouth. It becomes too much for Viktor, Yuuri is everywhere, inside him...around him...on top of him, thrusting and grinding into his mouth, sucking Viktor in a rythem matched with his hips, his entire weight on Viktor's face. And in no time Victor screams with a lost voice around Yuuri as he comes, Yuuri sucking him dry, swallowing his come to every last drop, milking him with his skilful mouth until Viktor can't take it anymore, it becomes a painful overstimulation, sucking the life out of him.

Yuuri takes mercy of him and lets go of his cock, making sure to give the soft member few last sloppy licks and kisses. "Tastes good Viktoru... I'm so close..."

Viktor's too spent and overwhelmed, too weakened to register what's happening or resist it. Yuuri pulls out his stimulted cock and moves again to face Viktor. With one more tight squeeze and comes on Viktor's face, growling a Japanese curse, staining the flushed damp face with streaks of white...

"Fuck...still so pretty...." Yuuri breathes, before he finally collapses next to Viktor, and passes out.

 

Viktor regains back his senses recovering from the blissful aftershocks. Suddenly it's too cold, the winds hitting his exposed lower half, sending unpleasant shivers down his body. His throat burns like an acid, and his face is disgusting, sticky with tears and saliva and come. He looks at Yuuri, fast asleep and snoring, face peaceful and satisfied, rosy and glowing. 

Viktor let's himself stare shamelessly at the sleeping man, with thousand voices and sounds in his mind screaming all at once, a voice scolding him, a voice comforting him, gasps and pants, groans and moans, sirens of all kinds deafening his mind with a pulsing headache. And a voice singing... "come on and haunt me, I know you want me"...

Viktor slips back into his shorts, he takes off his T-shirt to wipe off all the filthy fluids tainting his face. He helps Yuuri get into his pants, and prays he doesn't catch a cold. They went too far mindlessly, on a beach at dawn, in public! A surge of panic hits Viktor as realization strikes him. They had filthy shameless blow jobs on a beach, with the possibility of anyone seeing them! He searches for a sign of any onlookers or witnesses, sighs in relief when none is found. 

It's impossible to wake Yuuri of course, so Viktor takes the hard job of carrying him in his arms back to the house, not that he minds it all. Yuuri is utterly adorable when he snuggles to his chest, nestled between his arms like a soft doll, feather light and lovely. Glimpsing at his sleeping face, Viktor is dumbstruck by the pure innocence in it, dozing off like a baby, like who the hell was that dirty sex demon who chocked him with his huge fucking dick? The duality of a man!

Viktor sneaks back into the house, hoping to not get caught by Chris or his boyfriend. He enters their room, gently tucks Yuuri in the bed, and takes his stuff to the bathroom to have the longest warmest shower, cleansing all his sins and filth. 

Feeling worn out and almost fainting, Viktor hardly drags his feet to emerge from the bathroom, dreaming of reaching the big inviting bed and throwing himself onto it, cuddling with Yuuri till late afternoon. But on the way all his dreams collide with reality shattering into pieces, when sees him standing crossing his arms, amusement dancing on his face. 

"So, Viktor... You and Yuuri, huh? I've always been sure about it...but my imagination was never wild enough to assume you were into exhibitionism."

Viktor gapes at Chris, oh boy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is one filthy boi, i love him and so does Viktor. I wish could write better porn though, I'm sorry 
> 
>  
> 
> Cigarettes after sex is so cool (the band, not actually smoking after sex, never done both before) and Apocalypse is in my writing playlist, but I found it oddly fitting for them! Oh my God the lead singer's lovely voice is how I imagine Yuuri's singing voice to be. Yuuri already has a very pretty talking sound (thank you Toyonaga-san) and I just articulated them together 
> 
>  
> 
> Tell me you like this chapter, please tell me, tell me


	4. Chapter 4

_I wanna line my walls with photographs you sent_  
_Of you lying in your swimsuit on the bed_  
_Can’t live without your love inside me now  
_ _I’ll find a way to slip into your skin somehow_

__

_I wanna fuck your love slow_  
_Catch my heart, go swim_  
_Feel your lips crush  
_ _Hold you here my loveliest friend_

__

_I love to watch you when you’re trying on your clothes & now you’re all I think about when I’m alone_  
_Can’t wait to feel your love inside me now  
_ _We’ll have a drink or two & we’ll go to your house..._

[Crush](https://youtu.be/p7lHdbL--Ls)

*****

"How much did you see?" Viktor asks, voice shaky and too high like a squeal. He doesn't even look at Chris in the eye, and while he's not the shiest person to be embarrassed about getting caught midact, but getting caught with Yuuri is something to be mortified about. 

"Enough to get hard. Forgive me, Viktor, I'm not particularly a voyeur, but that was really hot." Chris replies casually, but he's doing his best to not burst in laughter, and Viktor groans."

"Chris!" 

"Fine don't worry. I played an overwatch the whole time to make sure you're not scandalizing innocent civilians. Hope your hot desperate moans and screams didn't wake somebody. I mean that must felt hot to do in public like this, but seriously Viktor, how could you do it on public like this? Is this what excites you?"

Viktor groans again, covering his humiliated face with his hands. "We were drunk, okay? I'm still drunk right now, I wasn't thinking." 

"Can't blame you, it's hard to think when you've get such fine ass sitting on your face. So again, you and Yuuri, huh?" 

"Don't make any assumptions, we're still just friends."

Chris' mouth goes O shaped as realization struck him, nodding slowly in understanding. Then he purses his lips, apparently frustrated. "Well, that's kinda disappointing?"

"What do you mean? Don't tell me you've never had a friends with benefits arrangement, Chris, knowing all your crazy sexapdes and adventures. Hell, we even did it together few times before."

"Oh no. Of course I'm not judging, you know how open minded I'm. It's just...it would make more sense if you were actually together. I can see you more as lovers than causal fuck buddies, especially little innocent Yuuri, but then Yuuri can be surprising and wow boy is so nasty I'm melting, too far from innocent."

Viktor ignores the last part as the rest of the words sink in, because sure, being with Yuuri makes more sense. He shakes his head. "We're friends and we've been living together for three years. My love life is a mess and he can't commit to a relationship, we're both lonely, single most of the time, and attractive, so why not enjoy each other's available company? Why would you see us as more?"

"Um because I have eyes and I can actually see. I'm not dumb, Viktor, you're clearly pining for each other, and you do have an overwhelming chemistry makes anyone seeing you at the first glance think you're in love. I see the way you look at each other, and how you save special smiles just for each other, how everyone else in the room vanishes when you talk to each other. It only makes sense you share some serious feelings." 

Viktor fixates on every word said by his friend, because he has always been curious about an outsider's point of view, about how they look together. Chris could be right, but then again he could be wrong, and this can't go beyond what it is. "Yuuri doesn't see me that way." 

"This is insane Viktor, Yuuri literally looks at you like you hung the moon or something. Are these his words? Did he tell you that when you faced him about your feelings?"

"You don't understand, he doesn't need to. He's in a place where his career is the top priority, and he can't make any relationship work out because he doesn't care. I've been his safe haven to retreat to, or mostly he's my safe haven. We're doing this out of habit, it doesn't mean anything!"

"I'm gonna ask you a question and you need to answer honestly. Do you or don't you like Yuuri more than a platonic friends or a fuck buddy or whatever?" 

Viktor takes a deep breath. "I do. I like him...a lot! But that doesn't mean we can be together, he doesn't feel the same for me."

"How are you so sure of that? Have you ever asked him?" 

"You really think the thought never occurred to me? Well, surprise...it does, every single day! And I've already acted on it many times, from subtle hints, to semi-serious jokes to blunt suggestions. And each damn time he evades it like death, changing the subject or panicking like facing death. He...explicitly told me he didn't see me that way long time ago! I can't deny I was infatuated with him from the first moment I saw him, and I've always yearned for more than a friendship, but he's always been so strict about labelling our relationship as friendship, always drawing boundaries and putting definitions. And if that was the only way to be close to him, I didn't mind at all. He completely occupied my mind, he was sweet, understanding, I didn't want to lose him. 

"When he was searching for a better place to stay at, I offered him to become my roommate, since my apartment was spacious and I got too lonely living on my own. We started living together and I was hopeful that we might develop something, but he always put distance between us, and I just got tired and decided to respect his wish. Until one night, I couldn't take it anymore. It was very late, I couldn't sleep, so I sat on the piano, playing some soothing Chopin. It was dark but from a dim lighting coming from a huge billboard outside, the mood was really dreamy. And then my eyes caught him, he was dancing to my playing, being so carefree and beautiful, and allow me to be too cheesy here Chris, because he looked celestial, like a dazzling star falling from the sky. My eyes were locked on his light form, like he was floating in the air, phenomenal. I found my legs carrying me to him, he was smiling brightly at me, then...I kissed him...

"That kiss was unlike anything in the world, it was the whole world, a big bang inside of me, creating a new universe, revolving around Yuuri. But dreams are never meant to last, the kiss was over, he pulled away with panic in his eyes and just left me, standing breathless and dumbstruck, and went back to his room. The next day he wanted to move out, because he didn't mean to give me the wrong impression, and he wasn't ready for a romantic relationship at that moment. I lied, telling him it was an impulsive moment that didn't mean anything, while trying not to sound too desperate, I managed to trick him then he felt safe again and agreed to stay, probably taking pity on how pathetic I was when I practically begged him to stay because I didn't want to feel lonely.

"We went on with our lives and I had a new resolution to get over him. Then one night after another horrible breakup with someone, I was devastated, literally sobbing like an abandoned child, and Yuuri was there for me, trying to console me. He asked me if I wanted him to make me feel better, then we ended up having sex for the first time. It was awkward, Yuuri was inexperienced like it was his first time, but it healed my soul, it was everything. The next day, I woke up with a new hope, forgetting all about my awful previous breakup, ready for something better, until Yuuri acted like nothing had happened, I realized it was just a one time thing, something to comfort and distract me, man how that hurt. 

"The second time, was after a new year party, when we were both intoxicated with alcohol, Yuuri woke up with no memory of the night before, our compromised positions, naked and sticky, were the only evidence, we avoided each other the next few days. Until I demanded we talk about it, I tried to clarify that it was fine to have a physical attraction to someone without bearing romantic feelings for them, it was just a body reaction that didn't mean anything, it didn't make us any less of friends, he shyly agreed, said he didn't want me to misunderstand him that he was giving mixed signals. And slowly we developed a habitual pattern, we sleep together after a bad date, or when we're too drunk and horny to care."

Viktor hopes he wasn't that pathetic and desperate to Chris as his narration made him, but the sympathetic look on his friend's face confirms that he was in fact. It's the first time he pours his heart out so openly to someone, thinking that if he manages to bury his feelings deep in his subconscious he can brush them away, pretend they don't exist. But it has always slipped from him, his deep feelings subtly expressed subconsciously because a subconscious can't hide everything without a little vent out and small slips, small as melting into an erotic kiss for something other than momentary lust, as smiling too brightly just by seeing the man of his heart there in the room, it can't be fully buried. 

Chris' face is more serious than Viktor has ever seen him, eyebrows knitted together in a thoughtful frown, holding his chin as he analyzes and concludes. "Viktor, that's fucked up." 

Viktor feels exposed, like his clothes were ripped off him, leaving him bare and vulnerable. "Chris, it's just some unrequited crush, it's not a big deal. I'm sure it'll go away if I just meet the right person."

"But you've already met him, and you seem not ready to give up this self destructive addiction. Viktor, it's messed up and you can't keep that going. I'm not in a position to dictate what you should do, but I feel awfully bad for you. You don't deserve to be treated this way. You're being used!"

Viktor gets too defensive when he understands Chris's implications, like he's just personally insulted him. "No! I'm not being used, Yuuri is never like that, don't even dare to think about it. It's a mutual agreement with our free consents, we're both adults and we can have a casual relationship like this, Yuuri isn't taking advantage if me!"

"I'm all for friends with benefits arrangements, you know that. But not when it involves some serious issues like yours, it becomes just unhealthy and hurtful. And I know Yuuri doesn't seem that type of person, but he's aware of the feelings you hold for him, yet he's still sleeping with you despite this, and you'll never get over him."

A long pause. 

"Being this way with him is better than nothing. At least I'm still close to him."

Chris shakes his head, shutting his eyes in frustration. "Or you can be more than that, just the way you want it. But this will break your heart eventually. You've been complaining about how you have a tragic history with relationships, it's not just because the guys are assholes, it's because they don't meet expectations based on the only man you feel for. You want to have Yuuri in any possible way, even if it's an imposter of him. And you let yourself suffer all this when you can simply have him, if you just ask again, more directly, more honestly. Viktor, I know what I'm seeing, I'm seeing two people perfect for each other, I'm seeing a man playing a love song on a guitar, with his eyes focusing intently on you. That was him last night. You only need to gather up the courage to ask him."

"And risk losing him again? No, no, this is dangerous. If he doesn't agree things will be awkward he'll probably move out for real this time."

"But what if he agrees?"

This possibility is too good to be true, still too risky. "Then if it goes wrong, we'll end up only hurting each other, losing him again but with more pain." 

Chris looks almost scary as he grits his teeth, losing his patience. "And what if it fucking works? What wouldn't make it work when you're already living the life of a couple? Living together, knowing each other well, going on "platonic" dates, even fucking occasionally. It's exactly the life of a couple, so what's the difference if you you're upfront with your true feelings and resolve this mess?

"The difference is...commitment! The commitment and hard work to make a relationship work, dealing more closely with my craziness and drama, all my overlooked flaws will appear only more annoying, more frustrating. Yuuri is at a point of his life where the top priority is his blossoming career, and I'll only be an obstacle to him, which he's been strictly avoiding in relationships, he just drops then when something seems to divert his attention from his job. And I know how...clingy, needy, and annoying I can be. It won't work...no it won't."

"Viktor..." Chris starts with a softer calmer tone, knowing Viktor's head thickness that can't be dealt with easily. "Perhaps you're right, but there's still a chance and you can't decide for Yuuri unless you talk directly about it and actually address your feelings. Yuuri knows you better than anyone else he won't be surprised about your human flaws, he has his own flaws too, and I don't think you mind them. And if you're so afraid of rejection again, then take it slowly, try talking to him for heaven's sake, maybe he's changed his mind about dating you."

Biting his lip, Viktor doesn't come up with another excuse, which is a good sign for Chris, he's seriously considering the advice. Building up the courage to ask Yuuri to be his boyfriend? This is equally a good and a terrible idea, and it's probably the alcohol that's assessing it, because just two hours ago Viktor finished a bottle of whisky with the much appreciated assistance from Yuuri. Suddenly he feels buzzed and uncoordinated, as if his body just realized he's supposed to be almost drunk. 

"I'll think about it..." He waves Chris off, leaving him sighing behind and going to his lovely calling bed. 

"Say you promise!"

"I promise, okay?"

He enters the bedroom, the early morning rays leak through the windows, showering the sleeping form of Yuuri. Viktor carefully climbs up the bed next to him, admiring him, precious warm Yuuri who's been tormenting him for too long. Yuuri who would immediately open his arms to hug Viktor to him even in his slumber, who would let him him pillow his chest for his head, who would clutch at him, giving him the delusion of never letting go.

*****

Viktor thought...hoped for a little peaceful time before the epic confrontation, something like the calm before the storm through which he can relax on the beach trying to clear his head from the hangover while pretending to read a book, which he actually used to cover up his thirsty ogling at a certain hangover danseur who still has the energy to play beach volleyball with the newly formed friends. Viktor thought! 

But...someone isn't going to let him live, urging him to step up and stop being a coward, to go and confess romantically to Yuuri. And that someone is Chris who's lying on his stomach almost naked but from the teeny tiny speedos that actually reveal his glorious butt-cheeks, all while getting sensually coated by his loving boyfriend with sunscreen, and oddly the last thing he cares about is getting sensually coated with sunscreen. Because there're other important things in life, like pressuring Viktor into getting grip of himself to pull out of the friendzone. Just imagine someone like Viktor stuck helplessly in the friendzone, the idea makes Chris boil with rage. Viktor can understand why Chris cares too much, why he's too invested in them. 

"Let's say, Andre, you'd been in love with your _best friend_ for about four years..." Viktor hears his cruelly judging tone with the vile intention of humiliating him in front of his boyfriend. He lowers his book in panic, to find the acidic look in Chris' glimmering green eyes, arching his eyebrows with a cocky smile on his face. Viktor swallows. "Like you were stupidly in love with him, but he didn't know...or he was just playing dumb, what would you do?" 

Viktor wants to kill him, kill Andre ,and then kill himself.

The handsome man who's surprisngly not too distracted by rubbing the shiny globes with the lotion purses his lips in consideration, taking the question seriously. "Does he like me back at least?"

"Probably but you're too dumb to believe that." Chris says even more harshly, glaring at Vikto. Like a wounded kitten, Viktor pouts and goes back to pretend reading.

"Personally, no matter what, I can't keep my feelings for myself for too long. So probably I'd test the waters and see where this could go." 

Viktor peeks at Chris, and Chris smirks to him. "But you could get rejected and ruin your friendship. Are you willing to take the risk?"

"I'm sure Yuuri feels the same as you do, Viktor." 

Viktor chokes on air, coughing violently while Chris gasps, his parted lips shape a proud smile. "Why did you tell him, Chris?" Viktor whines.

"I didn't, he figured it out by himself. Because it's clear as day but you think you're slick and unnoticeable."

"That's true, it's really hard to miss your mutual crush at each other, Viktor. Especially after seeing the way Yuuri sang last night." Andre justifies, and Viktor groans too loudly.

"Are you going to talk to him or not?" Chris asks with an underlying threatening tone. It makes Viktor's body go cold under the summer noon sun. 

"Why do you care this much? It's not your business!" He argues weakly, but deep down he knows it's for his best, to get over this thing as quickly as possible, he needs to be pushed. 

The look Chris gives him, full of revenge and ill intentions. "Yuuri!" He shouts as loud as he can, and Viktor can see Yuuri looking at them in question. Viktor shakes his head, begging silently for Chris to shut up, but Chris smiles smugly. "Why don't you come to apply some sunscreen to Viktor's shoulders? The sun is hot and unkind to him, he looks like a grilled sausage."

Viktor can already hear Chris' internal evil laugh as he watches Yuuri approaching them with small steps. His movement is a little sluggish, lazy, you could tell he's still having some hard time with his hangover even if he's been playing. His hair is threaded in wet strands from the sea, Viktor drools a little when he focuses on his slim form, his lean muscles moving and swaying gracefully, his flawless skin caught a little sun too, giving him a lovely shade of tan and flush, apparently Viktor is trying to distract himself from what ahead if him by waxing poetic at Yuuri's beauty.

Wordlessly, Yuuri kneels and positions himself behind Viktor on the sand, takes the tube of sunscreen and pours into his hand. Viktor notices an irritated frown on his face, it's been there since he woke up spare for two or three times Yuuri gave him a gentle smile. Chris propels himself on his own chair to get better view and hearing of the scene he's anticipated a lot, improved with some erotic elements as applying sunscreen.

"Yuuri, are you feeling well?" Viktor inquires dumbly, because of course he's not feeling well after late night drinking. 

Yuuri is flustered by the question, his pretty eyes widen a little. "It's nothing. You know, just some headache and nausea. But I'll be okay." He gives him a brighter than the sun smile for a good measure, easily stealing Viktor's breath away. And it's not helping when Yuuri's healing hands come in contact with the burning skin of his shoulders, easing the irritation with the coolness of the lotion, rubbing and massaging gently that Viktor hums in satisfaction and melts under Yuuri's fine fingers.

His eyes shut of their own, surrendering to the pleasant sensation, and he allows his mind to dissociate from the mocking reality in which Chris is checking the scene with much entertainmentand Yuuri's blank face like he isn't melting Viktor to a puddle of suppressed hums and whimpers. 

"Viktor~ are you asleep?" Viktor wants to rip out Chris' larynx that is capable of producing such singing tone filled with teasing and provocation. "Yuuri's hands must feel too nice."

Viktor remains unaffected by Chris, giving his undivided attention to Yuuri's hands. But Yuuri isn't going to rub his back forever, and unfortunately it comes to an end when he takes his hands off. Viktor opens his eyes and turns to him flashing a dazzling smile, but he finds Yuuri's face wrinkled in pain, rubbing his temple.

"Do you need some painkiller? I'll go back to the house and get it to you."

"No don't bother, I took two pills an hour ago, I just feel drowsy. You and your stupid drinking game!"

"You mad at me?" Viktor pulls the corners of his lips down, impersonating a comic sad expression with the same childish impression that never fails to make Yuuri laugh. "Okay I'm sorry for making you drink this much, but we were having a good time and you can't deny it." 

"Can I even be mad at you if I tried? Whatever." His expression changes from annoyed to sheepish. And Viktor instantly knows the following inquiry. "Please don't tell me I did something stupid..." 

Viktor opens his mouth and closes it few times, shrugging nervously. "Define stupid."

"So we did it." Yuuri sighs sadly, because he's not the most proud of his drunk horny self, no matter how many times Viktor assures him it's fine. 

"It's just a quick head, nothing to be ashamed of." Yeah like he didn't sit on his face and fucked senseless into his mouth until he choked then came all over his face with unprecedented nastiness. Somehow Viktor totally forgot Chris is still near then and he can basically hear the entire conversation, but he's quickly reminded when he hears him snort too sarcastically. Viktor has one fear, Yuuri finding out that Chris saw them, panic is already distorting Yuuri's face, but Chris with quick wit pretends to be deep in conversation with Andre next to him.

"Did he hear us?" Yuuri whispers, paranoid. 

"Don't worry, he comes busy with Andre, Chris isn't much of an observant." Viktor hopes he could fool with this lie.Yuuri even with Chris teasing them a moment ago. 

Yuuri huffs with growing annoyance, his mood isn't promising to improve any time soon. 

"Hey, wanna go?" Viktor asks, gesturing at the ocean for a swim. Yuuri nods with a tight smile, oblivious of Viktor sneakily clutching a pile of sand. Then with no warning he pours it over Yuuri's head, surprising him with the annoying joke and gets up quickly. "Then catch me!" 

Viktor giggles as he runs fast at the water and Yuuri follows back to catch him, looking over his shoulder he can see Yuuri laughing cheerfully too. The water is too soothing, enveloping his body with satisfying coolness and spreading peace across his body, he even forgets for a little about the chase, that Yuuri is actually after him. He submerges himself letting all his anxieties sink down as he spends a brief whole carefree and unstressed. His head floats up of the surface and he catches Yuuri reaching him, eager to payback for the burning sand shower. 

Yuuri completely wet with his hair slicked back with water, sunshine glimmering his darkened skin, smiling wickedly at him, it's too much for Viktor to handle, and he just wants to be ravished by him, to be consumed by Yuuri at any possible way. And while he's too busy daydreaming about the enchanting being in front of him, Yuuri jumps towards him and so effortlessly he picks Viktor up in his arms, and god now Viktor swoons when Yuuri carries him like he weights nothing. So strong, so graceful... So sly...

Viktor shrieks when he finds himself in the air then harshly he hits the water sinking down like a brick, all in few countable seconds. Yuuri dives down to pull him up above the surface, and Viktor gasps immediately oncehe has access to breathable oxygen, coughing and panting, too busy dying to enjoy the ring of Yuuri amused laugh. Viktor runs his eyes hard, muttering, "Yuuri you stupid idiot, I hate you I hate you..." He whines repeatedly, splashing Yuuri with water who continues to laugh hysterically. 

"You started it! Don't expect me to go easy on you." 

"It's a war then!" Viktor declares and the war starts, bodies thrown off in the water, splashes and ripples, heads submerging and all kind of not so gentle games. It's a delight after delight, laugh following laugh, and the entire goal of Viktor is long forgotten, everything else but joyful Yuuri, but mindless playing, anyone else but them doesn't exist.

Not much time pass when Viktor pulls a muscle at his ankle and he can't swim. Yuuri carries him on his back with Viktor's limb tightly wrapped around him, hauling them both towards the beach. It's insanely amazing to be pressed against each other skin to skin like this, Viktor nuzzles at Yuuri nape, fighting the aroused urge to plant a kiss there. But he had to restrain himself and save all the affection when he's done talking his way into Yuuri's heart. 

"The song you sang last night was lovely." Because he can still hear the mesmerizing voice echoing in his head sweet melancholic words. He doesn't exactly see Yuuri's entire face from the front, but he can recognize the distinctive blush on his face. "You sang it beautifully." He boldly goes further, resting his cheek on Yuuri's shoulder. 

"Better than my original works?" 

"Nothing can compare to your own songs." 

"Good because soon I'll perform for you the song that is better than U R so gay written just for you."

Viktor chuckles when he remembers that night they listen to that song. "Why not now?"

"Be patient, gotta make it perfect." 

They reach the shore and regretfully Viktor has to part from him. Going back to their umbrella and set, he sees Chris now fast asleep, or pretending to be because even if he's asleep he will smell their arrival and jump into consciousness to overhear what they, because Viktor is reminded of a mission ahead of him. 

After drying off they sit down, drinking some cold cola. Yuuri's regains his frown again, maybe the water was distracting him. 

"I want to talk to you about something, it's important."

Viktor has something probably more important, but not now, he's genuinely curious about what Yuuri is about to say. "What is it?" 

Yuuri tugs at his lip nervously. "I had a phone call earlier, and um... I know how sensitive you're lately about this subject, Viktor, but I think you should be back at the dating scene and give it another shot." 

Viktor frowns in confusion, because this is somehow related to what he wants to say. Yes, Yuuri I want to date again, I actually want to date you. It's easy and simple but his tied tongue won't give him a break, but wait... Yuuri suggesting him to date again means...

"I want you to see someone." Oh. 

_Oh._

He's sure Chris might be jumping internally now, but he's still faking his dozing off as Viktor fakes his surprised laugh. "You're setting me up with someone?"

Yuuri nods with enthusiasm, too much enthusiasm if you ask Viktor. "He's actually a great person, I wouldn't try if I wasn't sure of how a perfect match he is for you, Viktor. You actually know him, well not personally because he's a public figure who you actually admire. I mean I couldn't believe it when I first met him, but of course that's the kind of person you would attract, the right person, Viktor!"

With another fake laugh in order not to cry Viktor plays nervously with his hair. "You really got me intrigued, Yuuri. Who is it?"

"So, basically he's a regular at the Melody Room, I had seen him many times but never recognized him. Then last month we were there, but you left earlier for something, he approached me and said he liked my silly songs. Then he introduced himself to me, and I shrieked embarrassingly when I was sure it was really him. We talked for a while and I kept babbling like an idiot that I told him my entire life story. Can you believe he had thought we dated?" Oh you don't say. "Anyway when I cleared things up he seemed very relieved, and proceeded to ask about you, I could immediately tell he was infatuated by you, because who wouldn't?" _You, idiot._

"I got an idea he was interested, he had seen you few times and when I talked about you he got even more interested. He asked about the possibility of arranging a meet up between you two, and to be honest, Viktor, I thought he's a good match for you and I said I would try. He traveled out of the country for a month and now he's back in NYC he called me this morning."

He pauses for a little to catch his breath, his eyes are glittering and hopeful. His excitement is really endearing but somehow disturbing because there's a fraction of possibilitiy that Yuuri is the one who's actually crushing on said person? Viktor struggles not to believe that, because this will be even more heartbreaking than trying to set him up with someone else. 

"So who's the mystery awesome guy?" Viktor tries to say lightly, trying hard to pretend he cares. 

"Okay be ready for it... It's the famous best selling author Badr Williams! Can you believe it Viktor? My favorite writer wants to go out with you!"

Alright, that caught him off guard, because wow! Badr Williams is currently one of the best writers with a list of critically acclaimed and best selling publications including fiction and poetry that has won him multiple awards, beside a steady teaching career in literature at NYU. Not to mention few commercially successful movie adaptations of his book. Viktor knows all this because he's a fan as well after Yuuri gifted him a book followed by a book followed by a book... Point is their shared book shelves have two copies of every Badr Williams book. So that's what Yuuri means when he keeps repeating "raise your standards"!

"He's really humble and easy to converse with you won't feel he's a sort of celebrity. And he's so witty and funny without trying too hard. Also he's really attractive I don't know why he never puts his picture at the back of his books, I'm sure you'll find him attractive too. And he's really decent, empathetic, and polite. Viktor he's almost perfect for you." Yuuri's entire face lights up at the declaration and the whole thing is just ridiculous to Viktor. Is this the fanboy part of him or is he really gushing about a guy he likes for himself?

"It seems like you're the one who wants to date him..." Viktor doesn't bother to conceal his accusatory tone, showing bared disgust on his face, while Yuuri raises his eyebrows in comical confusion, he laughs.

"And am I supposed to date him through you? Viktor this is absurd, it's true I might look silly gushing about him, but only because I seek your happiness in a relationship like this, because if I have to choose someone for you, it won't get better than this. I know how falling in love means so much to you, and I'm sick of seeing you giving chances to worthless men. So don't expect me not to cling to someone good for you in objective standards. I'm not obliging you to go out with him, just thought bringing you together could work out, because I know you and I know whom you might like." Yeah, right. 

It's pointless to argue, to try redirecting the conversation into a love confession to Yuuri, it will just seem too out of place, reactionary and driven by exterior forces. It's obvious Yuuri doesn't have any intentions to see Viktor more than a close friend and a good fuck buddy, he doesn't even feel bad that he'll lose the second half of their relationship if Viktor dates. Viktor wants so badly to appreciate the amazing sentiment of Yuuri looking for the perfect partner and the happy relationship for him, he really does. But he can't help but feel angered by it, heartbroken. It seems the only choice he has now is to get over Yuuri, if he wants to keep his sanity. 

Yuuri is smiling hopefully, stupid beautiful smile, Viktor wants to hate him. 

"Fine. I'll go out with him, give him my number or give me his, whatever." 

Yuuri's smile falters a little, then widens even more. "That's great, I'll do later. Trust me, you won't regret it." Viktor fakes a smile and nods. "Okay, my head is acting up again, I need to go lay down."

"Yeah have some rest."

Yuuri leaves, Viktor gives Chris a look, and Chris pulls up his shades, pursing his lips in secondhand embarrassment. 

"So at dawn he sits on my face, at the afternoon he arranges me a date with another man. This is us in a nutshell." Viktor says, very sarcastically...very bitterly. 

Sitting up, Chris takes his phone and quickly types on it, Viktor guesses he's googling the mentioned man, Chris' mouth forms a perfect o seeing the results. 

"He's hot!" He comments, shoving the picture at Viktor's face, but Viktor already knows how he looks from an article photo he read before it something. Mid thirty, handsome, strong dark features and fit build, not bad but also not Yuuri. So he just shrugs in nonchalance. 

Chris continues his research with signs of bewilderment. "He's actually the writer of few good movies? Viktor you should date him."

"You date him." Viktor shoots back with an aggressive sip from his cola straw. 

"Listen, this is the perfect rival to Yuuri, you shod date him and trigger his jealousy!" 

"Chris, are you fine? Yuuri is literally the one who's setting us up, what's your point?"

"No, listen. Yuuri seemed surprised when you agreed easily, he didn't expect you to agree this fast he was ready to argue. If you date Mr perfect and manage to make this last a little longer than usual this will drive Yuuri crazy, because he's used to your failing attempts, he's setting you up with someone else because he's sure you'll come back to him in the end and ask him to make you feel better. He's so secure about having you back that's why he doesn't hesitate to play matchmaker because he's trying to be the good friend here, at the same time he's all here for a booty call to comfort you and he still keeps the major role of your life. His status is safe, unshaken. He still gets to be the sidekick and side chick."

Viktor doesn't stand the harshness of these implications. "Chris, these are very low assumptions about someone so pure and kind as Yuuri, you can't just say that about him. You're suggesting he's driving me through more heartbreaks to fulfill his lusts when he can literally ask me to have sex with him anytime and I'll always say yes? It doesn't make any sense. How can you take his good intentions and twist them into something this cheap and selfish? He's not even that lustful to be driven by his libido. Admit it Chris, Yuuri doesn't see me in a romantic way, our sex is only of convenience and availability, and some kind of support." 

"Sorry for offending you and Yuuri, I didn't mean it like that, okay? What I'm saying is Yuuri might actually be having deeper feelings for you but he doesn't realize it or he fir some reason he's in denial. But once he feels threatened of losing you this will motivate him to actually make a move, and having a successful relationship is the perfect opportunity to evoke that part of him."

"This is a flawed logic because I already told you when I tried something with him he almost moved out."

"That was years ago, after spending all this time with you I bet he can't live without you now. He doesn't want to lose you but he still needs to realize it, a direct confession won't work at this point, you need to date this guy, Viktor!"

The world is spinning now around Viktor, it just seems easier to throw his body in the waves and to be swallowed by the ocean, or dig a deep hole in the sand and cocoon inside it. He doesn't know what to do, should he tell Yuuri? Should he get over him? He's been trying actually for three years or more. Should he listen to Chris? But someone I the than him will end up hurt in the process.

"Even if you're right, it doesn't seem right to manipulate someone's feelings to win Yuuri's heart."

Chris gasps. "Oh dear I wouldn't call it manipulation, we just need a catalyst. And this catalyst happens to be a predetermined failed relationship, because it's gonna fail anyway as long as you're deep in Yuuri's love."

Or it can actual work out and Viktor is no longer deep in Yuuri's love. 

So, isn't he winning in both situations?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Yuuri ...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> It's clear now that someone else will enter into the image as Viktor's date, but trust me it's a for plot development, so hope you don't mind..
> 
> Also what do you think so far? Are you still enjoying it? Please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks for reading ❤


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for keeping you waiting  
> I lost the file mid chapter and yeah it was a tragedy to rewrite so forgive me for any incompetence. Hope you like this one  
> chapter count out of control as usual because i'm an inconsistent weirdo

__

_Built an opera house for you in the deepest jungle_  
_& I walked across its stage singing with my eyes  
_ _closed_

__

_I’ve got a love for you I just can’t escape  
_ _All of my love for you cuts me like barbed wire_

__

_I was meant to love you & always keep you in my life_  
_I was meant to love you,  
_ _I knew I loved you at first sight_

__

_If I abandoned love I’d be a man without dreams  
_ _I’d rather be out there staring death right between its eyes now_

__

_& I can still hear the sound of you crying through the night  
_ _There in the opera house with no one else for miles_

__

_I was meant to love you & always keep you in my life_  
_I was meant to love you  
_ _I knew I loved you at first sight_

[Opera House](https://youtu.be/giEOcBLcnfE)

 

*****

 

Seriously, Viktor was doing just fine, perhaps his life was an emotional wreck but at least it was a mess of his own free choice, a habitual wreck that didn't leave him in big shocks and surprises. He was doing just fine mourning and complaining about never having the right one, then in no time he would get over it and start searching again, meeting potential lovers only to be heartbroken again, then mourning and mopping again, a cycle going on and on with the honorary partnership of Yuuri as an emotional support and sexual relief and a never-ending dream. It was an adaptable life Viktor didn't bother much to turn upside down and flip all the tables.

However, with an eye opening conversation with Mr Giacometti and big revelations it's impossible to go back to that almost peaceful messy life. Because of course he had to mess with his mind and cater to his delusional heart's wildest fantasies that are loving Yuuri Katsuki and being with him, romantically. Viktor can no longer go back to the cycle of new opportunities and disappointing losses, there's only one thought that has been pulled from the back of his mind to overtake the majority of his brain and demand full attention. Had things been like they used to be, Viktor would have welcomed a new possibility with someone as grand as the person recommended by Yuuri. Viktor may be deeply in love but he can't deny the idea of dating someone like Badr Williams is mind blowing, not just because of his impressive status and handsome appearance, but also because overall he's a decent person, at least to the public eye. 

If Viktor weren't head over heels for his best friends, he would be grateful for having the greatest best friend that could arrange him with someone like that. If Chris hadn't opened his wounds and poured gallons of alcohol on them, he would have been hopeful and excited like at the beginning of any promising relationship. Now he doesn't even has the energy to meet up with someone new and start introducing himself and his personality to them with all caution to leave a good impression while trying too hard to act like himself. Because he can no longer rely on a spark or a clicking chemistry without much rationality and character study in order to start a healthy relationship. Too much work and for what? Viktor already knows who he wants, other than pursuing Yuuri he would just be acting and pretending. 

What's even more frustrating is he his inability to choose which route to take in this since there are options that may or may not be good for him. Should he take Chris' decisive advice and use this chance to drive Yuuri with jealousy? Will it even work? He still doesn't believe that Yuuri sets him up with prior expectation of failure because this will just be mean, and Yuuri isn't mean or cunning at the slightest. 

Should he just take this date seriously and make it work for his own sake? Because getting over Yuuri seems the only sane ethical option that can ensure him ending his misery. At least he won't be chasing after someone who doesn't share his feelings, and he'll be with someone who mutually wants him. And it isn't just someone, by objective judgement it's someone worth being with, unless he's misjudging him. The only problem here, Viktor doesn't have faith about his ability and willingness to get over Yuuri, he can't and he doesn't want to get over him, yeah he wishes things were that easy. 

Should he cancel this date and just go home? Or go through the date halfheartedly with no intentions of leaving any good impressions or making any promising progresses. Indifference sounds extremely attractive right now, Viktor has already been acting cold about this whole thing, in his texts to the writer, in his choice of date, in his own appearance and manners. He chose a setting for the date as a weekend walk at the park with Makkachin and Vicchan, so basically he's taking the dogs to the date because at least if he can't enjoy it, they can enjoy the fresh breeze of air playing freely at the open green spaces. It sounds rude but he has finally settled on not making any good impressions. And if his date doesn't like it or hates dogs, he'll be damned, Viktor doesn't have any fucks to give.

Yes that's what he settles on, endure this date with minimum energy that will drive the guy away, Viktor does a great job at being a boredom, he's a natural. He doesn't have to be rude or aggressive, just indifferent and unresponsive, hopefully intolerable without making a fool of himself or getting involved in trouble. At least he guarantees his date won't make him feel uncomfortable as the others do. 

 

So he strolls in his worn out band t-shirt, from the first rock concert he ever attended, the Killers, (he didn't enjoy it) over layered by a flannel shirt, and a pair of torn jeans and some old converse he has no idea where the came from, and to be honest the overall look isn't as shabby and unattractive as he hoped for, but rather young and youthful which is different from his usual classic and formal attire. He's aware of his ability to look good at anything, and this careless outfit should convey the same message of nonchalance he's aiming for since he usually dresses to the nines for his dates and for his everyday life.

With Makkachin and Vicchan leashes in his hand, he barely can keep up with their enthusiasm as they run in their tracks begging for liberation, but Viktor can't just let them until Mr date arrives, his mind is too occupied to watch them around in a park full of other dogs and many children. So he just follows their lead breathlessly, with his eyes scanning across the place in search for Mr date. 

At some point, Viktor accidentally lets go of Vicchan's leash and the dog takes off as fast he can, causing Viktor to panic. He calls his name and runs with Makkachin ahead of him trying to catch the fleeing poodle. Vicchan isn't that fast but he puts some good distance between them. And when Viktor's about to reach him, he's surprised by someone picking up the dog and approaching him. Taking bigger steps, Viktor realizes it's his date that is carrying Vicchan. He's laughing happily as he rubs the furry creature, and Vicchan returns the favor with licking kisses. Viktor must admit, the scene is endearing and cute. Badr Williams is here in all his glory, dressed casually but elegantly, too handsome and sweet, and his smile is bright. 

"Hey, nice to meet you, sorry for the trouble." Viktor greets hurriedly as he takes Vicchan and puts him on the grass, giving his date a polite smile, which is returned with a dazzling one. 

"Great to meet you too, and trust me it's nothing. He's the most adorable thing, oh and hey too big boy..." He coos when notices Makkachin as well, gets on his knees to scratch playfully behind Makka's ear. "You're so adorable too, aren't you the best doggo? Are you or aren't you? Yes yes you are. "

If Viktor has one weakness, it's definitely this. 

The guy looks up to him, a smile plastered wide across his face. "I'm already in love."

He hopes his blush isn't that apparent, Viktor smiles back. "I hope you don't mind them joining us, it's been a while since they last took a proper walk and I thought it's a good chance because I've been busy lately." 

"You kidding me? Would I mind going on a double date with these adorable gentlemen? Of course not, this is probably the beginning of the best date of my life." 

Viktor chuckles and the man stands on his feet, giving him a soft look. "Well I brought them for moral support, in case this date goes wrong, I'm counting on them to fix it."

"As if I would let it go wrong!" He turns his attention from the poodles to Viktor, with the same stupid bright smile. He's even more good looking this close, hair thick in soft black curls, his skin is a lovely olive tone, big hazel eyes shining under the sun, and a butterfly pattern of freckles across his face. Too handsome. _Yuuri is more beautiful._ Wait what? No Viktor tells his mind to shut up, seriously not now!

"I haven't introduced myself properly yet. I'm Badr Williams, nice to meet you." He offers his hand, Viktor shakes it.

"I'm Viktor Nikiforov, nice to meet you too. Let's walk?" 

"Sure, let me take adorable Vicchian's leash and you have adorable Makkachin's?" 

"That would be great. But you know their names?" Viktor wonders in surprise as they fall into step, each guided by a poodle.

"Of course I know, Yuuri told me about them and showed me their photos, he's crazy about them and I could see why." Yuuri, right. The one who set them up. "To be honest I've been really missing my girl and I don't have the guts to replace her, no doggo can take her place in my heart."

"Aw did she pass?" Viktor gasps sadly, unable to imagine such thing for their babies. 

"Yeah, couple years ago. She lived a happy long life, it was her time. A pretty husky, her name was Najma."

"That's a cute name!"

"It's an Arabic name, it means a star. My mom is Lebanese so she pretty much gave it that name. Actually my name is Arabic as well, Badr means the full moon, and funny enough, my sister's named Shams, which means the sun. Yeah my mom has a thing for the sky."

Viktor giggles. "That's actually cute, all your names are really pretty and precious. So you know Arabic as well?"

"Yes but not too fluent at it, I know more about the local language of Lebanon but I could get through. See you're not the only bilingual here!" He wiggles his eyebrows in pride, making Viktor laugh again. 

"In fact, I'm trilingual, beside Russian and English I'm also fluent in French, not to mention I know a little Italian to get by since I lived there for a while."

Badr's shoulders droop, sighing. "Of course."

"Of course what?" 

"You're amazing, what's new about that?"

"You're so cheesy, you know that?" Viktor chuckles. 

"Best compliment to a writer. What about you? Do you have any name trivia?"

Viktor taps his lip thinking of an equally interesting name story. "Ah yeah, Vicchan is named after me."

"Really? Your name is Viktor Nikiforov too?" He coos at the dog bouncing ahead of him, and Viktor bursts into laughter again.

"I got him for Yuuri as a birthday gift two years ago, he loved him so much that he named him after me in gratitude, but we call him Vicchan, Vic and chan the Japanese honorific as a term of endearment, since his grace is awfully cute."

"That's the most wholesome thing I've heard in a while, and my heart is bursting." He clutches his heart dramatically, and maybe Viktor's plans to ruin this date are completely abandoned. "So the four of you are living under the same roof, you, Yuuri, Vicchan, and Makkachin."

"Yes, yes we do." 

"And you don't die of cuteness overdose? Because each member of this lovely family is so cute in their own unique way, can you adopt me please?"

Viktor stares at him with a parted smile, wondered by how quirky the man next to him is, like Viktor is the king of extra himself, and here he is getting surpassed by supposedly one of the most accomplished people he's met. "You're really cheesy and cringy! Wow!"

"Okay but is it working? Maybe it will if I get you an ice cream, what flavor?"

Viktor is startled by the sudden shift, can he say no to ice cream though? "Strawberry."

They occupy a bench to enjoy their ice cream, letting the poodles play around the safe space surrounding them. 

"Do you judge me for having vanilla ice cream?" Badr asks out of no where, striking another humorous conversation. 

"I've been called boring many times enough to not judge someone for liking vanilla, don't worry about it." 

"The blasphemy, imagine being intellectually inadequate to call you boring, my above average IQ can't relate." 

Viktor cackles into his cone, licking carefully without making a mess of his face. "What do you even know about me to be this confident?"

"I'm smart and shrewd enough to know you're probably the most interesting person I could meet..." He explains slowly with the same charming smile he wears to impress, and the proximity to him along with this smile don't fail to make Viktor's cheeks heat up. Viktor, a natural born flirt, has finally met his counterpart that is making him blush like a school girl.

"Also it's easy to get so much information from Yuuri, I mean that guy...he's more than cooperative to give away much about you." 

Oh yeah Yuuri is so enthusiastic to talk about him to strangers who are potential partners. "He's really helpful, isn't he?"

"I'm so grateful to him." Badr says, reaching his hand towards Viktor's face tp touch. 

"If there's ice cream on my face you should just tell me without being cheesy about it." Viktor wipes his face from what he assumes the ice cream, but still Badr doesn't pull back his hand, and instead he picks something from Viktor's hair. 

"Actually I was trying to remove a leave stuck on your hair." He explains and Viktor bites down a laugh. "It's so easy to spot things on your hair, unlike me whose dark curls are allowing a variety of living creatures and inanimate object to hide inside safely. One brush in my hair and you'll find them floating and crawling around us."

Viktor can't hold in his laughter, making his ice cream miss his mouth and now his face is obviously tainted with it. 

"Now this is my chance to cheesily wipe your face, allow me sir?" 

"No, thank you." Badr pouts as Viktor wipes his face with a handkerchief, a cheeky smile dancing on his lips.

"You're really ruining my chances with you. But it's fine I've been warned and I'm willing to withstand the fight for your affections."

"Really? you've been warned?"

"Yuuri did his job, you're not easy to please apparently but I'm not giving up. I'm gonna earn it! "

"I admire your determination and maybe Yuuri gave you the wrong impression. It's not that I'm hard to please I've just been through a hell of drama and bad experiences, so I'm a little more cautious."

"Then this explains it, Yuuri also hinted about that. He's very protective of you, you're lucky to have him as your friend. It's like you've been together since childhood not just few years ago."

"Yes I'm the luckiest. I wish I had known him since childhood."

"How did you first met and ended up living together? I don't recall Yuuri telling me."

"We met through work, I was curating a performance art show at the gallery I used to work for, he was part of the show and from there we started our friendship. We got really close, and after a while he was searching for a place to move to, and I offered him to stay with me." 

Nodding in understanding, there's a sheepish smile on Badr's face, something like curiosity sparking in his eyes. "And the entire time you've lived like friends only, right?" 

Viktor instantly gets his hint, after all, it's hard to imagine things are only platonic between two attractive guys like them. It's only logical to assume there's a thing going on, yeah he wishes! Okay there's something going on between the two friends but it's only "physical", trivial and unimportant, just like any passing fling with no significance, a forgettable one night stand that happened many times with the same person, but still counted as one/many night stands. (they're not just like that for Viktor, but hey, they should be)

"I don't mean to pry of course if this kind of question bothers you, it's just the first time I saw you together I thought you were lovers cause you had great chemistry. Honestly, I can't grasp living with you without making a move, but that's just for me." 

And here Viktor become conflicted, should he tell him about the "nature" of their relationship? They're just friends of course, but you can't just drop the "with benefits" part from it, this would be purposeful omission and Viktor wants to be frank and clear. But does Badr have the right to know at this early point of their date? Viktor doesn't think so. 

"Of course we're just friends. It would never work as something else." He hopes the sadness in his voice isn't too obvious, that would just sound pathetic. But when he glances at his date, he sees relief on him. Apparently Badr was really concerned about it, he continues licking on his ice cream happily. 

"Hey, but you said he was a part of an art show? Like an artist or something?" 

"As a dancer. He danced for the show, he was basically the show...the art piece." 

A coy smile climbs up his face as his eyes look left and right in what seems like puzzlement. "I...am not sure I'm following, a ballet dancer in an art show? Like it was some kind of arts fusion or something?"

Viktor huffs a small laugh with some second hand embarrassment for him, he can't imagine the knowledgeable writer and great novelist this ignorant about art, especially when he has a whole novel revolving around an art conservator protagonist, with expansive references to art concepts and schools and artists, you could tell there was an extensive research conducted for that novel, so Viktor presumed his artistic background was more inclusive. 

"You don't know about performance art, do you?" Viktor asks smugly, he can spot trouble on the coy face. 

"No, not really. Is this very bad? Does it take points away from my score?" Urgent with comical panic, his gorgeous eyes widen in fear.

"You haven't even scored any points yet." Viktor keeps on the playful teasing.

"Damn it, so my score is basically is in negative now. Listen, I can fix this, I'm a fast learner, so maybe you could teach a thing or two about performance art?" The way he asks cocking his head cutely is endearing, and Viktor thinks he's seeing his reflection in the mirror. 

It's undeniable that Mr Badr Williams is a charming man, and what's even more admirable about him is how he listen intently to Viktor's ramblings about almost entire history of conceptional and performance art, the nature of his job, his own thoughts and preferences in art, all with much concentration and genuine interest, asking relevant questions and offering smart observant interactions. If he's bored with Viktor who knows how he loses himself when he talks about his job, then he's doing an excellent job at hiding his boredom. It's really rare when Viktor feels this attended and respected, most people dodge talking about his "tedious" profession and passion.

And the rest of the date goes on like this, a witty exchange back and forth between the two of them, their careers and interests, daily tales of their lives, personal matters like growing up into their respective families and their ethnicities, hilarious stories and notable encounters. All while either playing with the poodles or walking around or having a modest dinner of hot dogs and soda drinks, time runs really fast and they don't register spending hours in each other's company, an enjoyable company. It feels surreal that a date can go this well for Viktor, maybe too good to be true. Honestly, Viktor can see this work out, he doesn't want to have high expectations this early to be shattered on the ground of reality later, he shouldn't be over-optimistic, still the chance of it working out is greater than ever. But... 

Viktor might have met the right one for real, but why does his mind drift back to Yuuri? Why does it betray him when he's finally come in terms with getting over his feelings? His dirty mind can't stop drawing parallels between Badr and Yuuri, comparing them in every possible aspect. He said a funny remark, so what? Yuuri can be funnier and he shares your sense of humor. He listens well to you and never gets bored, so what? Yuuri could listen to you forever with no obligation or a need to be polite. He understands you well, so what? Yuuri understands you before you even talk. He shares with you some interests and likes, so what? Yuuri is willing to share you yours, and incorporate you in his.

He really likes you... 

Can you say the same about Yuuri? You can certainly say you like Yuuri, but does he? 

Get over it.

 

"So how's my score so far? Did I do well? Do I get to move to the next level and win another date with you?" 

Viktor grins with a teasing pause, pressing his finger to his lips. "Do you think you deserve to?" 

"I think I deserve a tour at the Guggenheim museum with a very exceptional art curator and an expert of contemporary art history to help me taste that mysterious place, followed by a treat of nice dinner more nutritiously valuable than hot dog, and regrettably without the cute dogs." 

Still grinning, Viktor shrugs. "I'll think about it." 

"And I shall wait with my hand over my heart, consoling the poor dying thing anticipating its resurrection with a yes from you sir." 

"Why are you like? But all joking aside, I would love to go out with you again and give you that well deserved informative tour at the Guggenheim and even the MoMA, because wow never been asked to a museum date even with fellow art professionals. I feel flattered. And honestly, Badr, this went much better than I had expected. I don't want to be exaggerating but this could be one of the best dates in my life."

The handsome face lights up like a kid, so pure to Viktor. "I'm honored to hear that, and even more determinant to experience with you the ultimate romantic epic... Okay don't look at me like this, I know I'm being cheesy now and allow me to please. May I ask though, how low were you expectations?"

Viktor winces a little, how could he phrase it? "I've had some bad moments, but honestly anyone was fine as long as they don't call Tchaikovsky dull elevator music. This may sound silly but objectively speaking, you can't just call Tchaikovsky bad, no matter how different your music taste is. It isn't just some elitist musical supremacist's snobbish opinion, it's a universal fact for any healthy human ear and working hearing center in the brain." 

"Wow, that must have been traumatic for you, it's hard to deal with the dumb. Lucky I'm cheesy enough to ask to play Swan Lake in my funeral, the entire score!" 

"That's because you probably only know Swan Lake." Viktor didn't intend it to be this snarky, but he succeeds at eliciting a humorous gasp from him, and Viktor chuckles.

"I know The Nutcracker and Sleeping Beauty too, yet I still feel called out. But you're the one with superior tastes here sir, call me out as much as you wish." 

They exchange a fit of giggles, this feels too fun to end. For the first time Viktor longs to a second date again, excited and happy. 

"I want to thank you too, Viktor, for this perfect date. My fantasies couldn't live up to this reality, you're simply exhilarating to be with." The softness of his tone, the kindness of his eyes, and the safety in his smile...they're all to inviting for Viktor to dive deeper, his heart is fluttering again. And it feels so familiar...it feels like being with... No! No, don't think about him now, don't ruin the moment. "From the first moment my eyes landed on you, I have been captivated by your enigmatic aura and your enthralling presence. I don't want to sound like an obsessive creep, but ever since then I've been always searching for you, watching you, waiting for the barriers between us to fall down." 

Viktor swallows thickly, his cheeks are burning and must be colored with all the blood rushing to them. Why isn't he hearing these words coming from someone else's mouth? It hurts a little. He still smiles coyly, taking in all the praise and sweet nothings. Sweet nothings because they're still yet to know each other. Will he keep murmuring these words when he meets the real Viktor? 

"You could brush it off as a superficial attraction to a stranger, a stunning stranger, but I feel like there was something invisible I couldn't name it, deeper than a mere attraction pulling me to you. I mean did this thing make me act evil and try to get closer to little cute Yuuri to snatch you from him? I won't deny, but fortunately I was so lucky. And meeting you today made me realize this could be something so real."

This is too much though, too much to say for the first meeting. 

This is what exactly Viktor would say to Yuuri. No! Focus, focus!

"Badr, it's heartwarming to listen to this but please, I don't want you to rush things while I'm still trying to figure them out. Your feelings are pure and genuine and I appreciate them a lot. Still I've suffered much from idealizing my relationships in the past and deluding myself into some fairytale-like romances, like I was basically faking it till I make it. But now many things have changed for me and I would love a more realistic approach to our relationship, so please don't take this the wrong way, I wish to take it slowly."

His face blushes but in mortification, he laughs nervously. "Oh I made a fool of myself with my desperate spontaneity, that must freaked you out. I'm sorry Viktor, this is so unlike me to get carried away. I'm usually more rational in my relationships, but I feel new things for the first time and I'm not thinking straight. I promise I would be more considerate and if you feel uncomfortable don't hesitate to alert me. Don't feel pressured by my smitten foolishness please."

Viktor gives him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. We're trying this together and we'll see."

"Even if it goes against my wish, I would still be thankful for your company. I don't want to cross the line furthermore, but when I look at your face... I see in you the dream I want to dream forever." 

He lowers his eyes in shyness, blushing at the words. Until the said line strikes with familiarity, he eyes Badr with skepticism. "Hey, I know this line, you didn't come up with this on your own."

"Wait, you caught me? How could you even know?"

Viktor snorts. "This is from La Boheme! You don't expect me to memorize the entire Italian libretto and its translation of my favorite operas?"

"Obviously no! Who does this? Even a pickup line I carefully selected from one of the most poetic arias can't work with you, you're really hard to impress sir."

"Maybe I'm already impressed." Viktor says, fluttering his lashes and smiling flirtatiously to Badr who mirrors his smile.

 

*****

 

"I don't know. I think he's...perfect." How else can Viktor describe Badr when Yuuri asks about him? Perfect, suitable, compatible, just what Viktor would wish for. When Viktor was young, he set a certain image to the one he would fall in love with. Was it too much coincidence that he imagined his significant other as a writer or a sort of creator? He wanted him witty and intelligent, with a good fashion sense of course, adoring dogs like life, showering him with the sweetest affections, hyperactive and loud, almost identical to Viktor himself, insane how his past picture of a lover matched his current option. 

But isn't this the funny thing about love? It doesn't care about your expectations and your image of perfection, it doesn't choose the perfect for you, it chooses the one for you, overcoming all your differences and expectations, non bothering even to choose the one who wants you back. 

Had Badr come just few years earlier, Viktor would have probably fallen for him or persuaded himself to fall for him. It's a tough mission now, not just he's trying to convince himself to fall for the perfect one for him but also get over the one he wants and needs the most. 

Yuuri simply isn't the perfect one, he's the one. 

The very same Yuuri is excited about hearing the details of Viktor's date, it's something he can't fake. Yuuri just wants Viktor to find his happiness with a decent person, and pride is visible on his face as Viktor recounts the events of the lovely encounter, proud that he's the one who provided Viktor with the right one, the high standards Viktor lacked according to him. 

"See, that's what happens when they're up to par, when they're worthy of your time. Even if it doesn't go well between the two of you, the separation will be classy and not as messy as the usual. But I can see this going in the right direction, I hope it's the best for you, Viktor." It's a twisted paradox of kindness and cruelty. Yuuri's big hopeful eyes, along with his wide sincere smile, it's so unfair he's dedicating them to wishing Viktor happiness instead of achieving it to him by himself. He's the kindest most loyal friend but he's too obliviously dumb, and Viktor is just a fool in love. 

This isn't a man to be driven by jealousy to obtain a heart desire he's ignored for too long, this is a man with unconditional platonic love wishing the best for a dear one to him. And it's unfair, so unfair. Chris has been an idiot, and following his childish plan, the catalyst, is a chaotic vile route to take when Viktor simply has an exit from this heart-aching maze. Get over Yuuri, move on. Not easy, not simple, but it's a must.

"Yes, I'm optimistic about it. Although I'm careful not to fall for the usual trap of glamorous beginnings and initial fascinations, it's the flaws that will unfold and remain unconcealed if we don't learn to bear with them. Does he look perfect now? Yes he does. But will I accept him at his worst, will he at mine? That's what I'm focusing on this time."

"Just make sure you don't get yourself hurt in the process, I'm tired of seeing you hurt while standing there helpless." Yuuri lefts the hand petting Vicchan who's nestled comfortably in his lap, and with it he pats Viktor's shoulder, gentle and caring.

"Don't worry about me, I'm a tough boy." Viktor winks at him before getting up off the sofa to head to his room. Taking off his flannel shirt in the way, he hears Yuuri snort. 

"I still can't believe you met him dressed like this." He shouts from the outside. 

"Yuuri, you're the last person to criticize my fashion choices. It was a casual park date with the dogs, and I didn't want to look trying so hard." Viktor shouts back from his room as he changes up his clothes, defending himself from Yuuri's judgmental statement. He puts on his cozy house attire and goes back to Yuuri who's laying on the sofa and busy with some game on his phone now. 

"I also can't believe you took Makka and Vicchan with you, that's like a single parent taking his children with him to a first date. It's a miracle he didn't find it rude."

"Excuse me?" Viktor gasps, and kneels on the floor beside Yuuri. "I had to test his love for my sons. Say we're out on a first date together, you and me...and I brought them with me, will you consider it rude?"

Yuuri turns his head to him up from the game, grinning. "I will find it endearing, I will probably end up playing with them and ditch the date with due respect to you Viktor."

Viktor swoons internally at the image, because Yuuri with their dogs is his weakness, well one among many towards Yuuri. "And that was the plan, unfortunately he found it endearing and called it a double date but he found me more endearing." 

"You're just too cute to handle, it's hard to ditch you. But I've lived long enough with you and I've grown immune to your charms."

See, things like this that drive Viktor to the edge, the subtle flirtations and masked compliments Yuuri throws shyly at him. They're unintentional and sincere, because Yuuri is never the type who flirts his way as Viktor does, and that what makes Viktor melt at them. They're just so real and they're from Yuuri. 

"It's nice that today has been kind to the both of us."

Viktor hears Yuuri say as he look into his bookcases, picking up a book for the night. He turns to look at him in curiosity. Realization strikes and he slaps his forehead for his forgetfulness. "Oh my god, today was the result of your new season's auditions. I know you did well, but what happened?"

Sighing, Yuuri stands on his feet with an unreadable expression. He already said it was a kind day, which means it went well, right? Yuuri's just playing with his nerves. "Well, I'm definitely still in the company and..." He stops dramatically, Viktor's pulse soars up.

"And?"

Covering his mouth with both of his hands, Yuuri's eyes smile. "And now I'm a soloist at the American ballet theatre!"

"Oh my god, Yuuri! You're promoted?! Oh my god!" Viktor cried with immeasurable excitement, taking a huge step toward Yuuri who's giggling in drunk giddiness.

"I'm promoted, I'm a soloist now, I won't just perform with the corps, oh my god, Viktor. I'll dance solo parts, this is crazy, I can't even understand why they chose me!"

"Because you're amazing..." Viktor answers, taking him in his embrace, he isn't satisfied until he lifts Yuuri off his feet, spinning the two of them round and round, giggling and howling joyfully. This is the best thing happening to them in a long time. "You're spectacular, marvelous, wonderful, magnificent... I don't have enough words for you. And you actually deserve to be a principal already!"

"Put me down now!"

Viktor catches his breathe as he collapses on the floor, Yuuri next to him, both panting and smiling. 

"It's insane." Viktor turns his head to look at Yuuri, finding him staring at the ceiling now with a gorgeous glimmer in his eyes, and a trace of unshed tear. "I still can't believe it, what if they made a mistake? What if they didn't mean to promote me? What if I fail miserably and ruin entire productions with my dumbness? Oh my god, Viktor! I'm-"

Pressing his hand to Yuuri's mouth, Viktor shuts his doubts up, he can't let the anxiety get of him. "They're finally aware of how phenomenal and exceptional you are, Yuuri. You won't fail, you won't ruin anything even if you make a mistake. Calm down and stop assuming the worst. This is your anxiety talking, it's baseless and evil, and it isn't the truth."

He slowly removes his hand from Yuuri's mouth, and Yuuri takes a deep breathe, closing his eyes. "I'm gonna play a new repertoire roles now, different from what I'm used to in the corps. It's scary Viktor."

"No, it'd not. Because it's not the first time you begin something new, think of the first time you stood on the stage, the first competition you won, the first time you danced with new companies, the first time you danced for the ABT, Yuuri you nailed it everytime. It's only natural for you to move to bigger roles now that suit your level of skills and experience. If I were the director I would make the principal already. Wow Yuuri finally I'm going to see you play Chinese tea in the Nutcracker!"

"How do you even know I'm gonna play Chinese tea?" Yuuri chuckles in wonder. 

"Oh come on, they mostly give this role to Asian dancers. I've always imagined you in it." 

Yuuri chuckles furthermore before biting his lip nervously. He's got another announcement. "My debut role is going to be really big, as big as a principal's. It's at the fall season gala, Viktor..." A deep breathe. "I'm going to dance in the revival of Béjart's Bolero!" Yuuri's squeal is met with even a higher one from Viktor. They both sit up on their knees, screaming like dumb excited teenagers.

"You're not joking, right? You're dancing Bolero?"

"Yes yes I'm!"

"Oh Yuuri, you're going to striptease on a red table surrounded by forty half naked men thrusting their hips sensually to orgasmic music? This is like my dream coming true."

"Shut up! You're making it too scandalous, that's not the interpretation of the ballet!" Yuuri cries, punching him at the shoulder playfully and Viktor laughs.

"You'll look so hot Yuuri." A faint blush colors his cheeks, it satisfies Viktor a little.

"Viktor, I'm so worried about it, I'm not sure if I will be able to perform it. Maybe it's too much for me, maybe I'm not meant to dance it, it has to be a mistake..."

Oh no, the anxiety is creeping up again and it probably will stay till the very show night. It's gonna be a hell of a ride. "I'm saying this once and you'll listen to me Yuuri. We both know it's all in your head, your director and executions specifically chose you because they know you're up to the part. It doesn't make sense to freak out over something of your capacity and potential, you deserve exact what you get and more. Okay? Let me hear you, okay?"

Slowly, he nods. "Okay. Okay..." 

"Now let's celebrate with just one glass of our cultural fusion. I can't even describe my happiness right now, I fell like crying."

"So dramatic!"

 

*****

 

The second date passes successfully, and so does the third, and the forth, and more till they're uncountable. In between these regular arranged meetings and occasional surprise visits, from the beginning of the morning till the end of the nigh, a constant stream of text messages exchanged between the two of them, ranging from senseless flirtations, to serious conversations. With ever day it becomes clearer that Viktor can't find a more appropriate partner, like it's custom made, Badr is tailored and designed to fit Viktor, and honestly it still doesn't feel right. Because nothing in the world should be this...perfect, flawless, unrealistic. 

It sounds silly from Viktor, but he wishes to find a flaw in his current "boyfriend", a deadly mistake made by him, or even an annoying habit. None is found. He thinks that maybe it's just the honeymoon phase where both of them do their best to appear as perfect as possible, with much energy dedicated to conceal their human defects. But it's still making him restless, it could drive him crazy if things remain like this. It's not like Viktor is wishing for another failing relationship and one more awful heartbreak, he's not that lunatic. But something wrong happening is very human, an indication of how real this relationship is, and how much they can stand each other.

Also he hopes he's not being a paranoid pessimist who distrusts everyone and lacks faith, but usually people who're that flawless hide the dirtiest most disturbing secrets. And if nothing is revealed this early, a destructive bomb can be waiting in the future. Let's pray that's not Badr because Viktor really likes him. He's just not used to someone this mature and respectful of him, it amazes him sometimes; how much he's compromised and lowered the standard to make one relationship survive, and now he's got all this.

Sometimes these thoughts overwhelm him that he needs to vent them out, but to whom? Viktor doesn't speak up about then to anyone, he tried with Chris before, but he keeps pushing him and confusing him between taking it seriously and making it work for his own sake, and between the original purpose of triggering Yuuri, and that's a whole another story.

Viktor and Yuuri somehow unconsciously have made an unspoken agreement of not mentioning "the relationship" with Badr. Because Viktor has noticed, whenever he starts talking about it, Yuuri fails to hide his discomfort and annoyance(?), and he dodges this conversation, unclear if it's intentional or not. Then it makes Viktor wonder, is the original plan working? Does Yuuri finally feel jealous and threatened? 

The answer is no, it isn't and he doesn't. Yuuri simply is too caught up in his own mind. The stress of the new position is taking toll on him, and he's generally irritated and anxious, trying his best bro keep it together. Overthrowing himself at rehearsing and working, being the perfectionist he is. Therefore Viktor doesn't even dream of being another burden on Yuuri's aching shoulders. He needs his total focus and relaxation, and Viktor's only doing the job of providing him the care he needs. 

Because they're best friends, Viktor has decided. 

They're best friends with a platonic love and appreciation for each other. That's what he's settled on, Viktor is to focus with his blossoming romance with Barr, in attempt to move on from something that never started. He thinks it's working, even the fate is helping him with an embodiment of dream guy and a distance between himself and Yuuri. Yuuri's busy most of the time and his schedule is growing only more intense, just like any season. It's the worst part of his job, it obnoxiously takes up all of his time, and even with Viktor owning a demanding job keeping his occupied himself, he terribly awfully tragically misses Yuuri. God bless Badr for keeping him company and battling his loneliness, another perk of having a loving relatively more free boyfriend. 

Anyway, Viktor has other thing in mind. (when doesn't he?) He wants to spend some quality time with the Two dearest people to him now, Yuuri and Badr, up until now, they haven't gathered together yet in a proper meeting, they're already familiar with each other, and Viktor wishes them to be closer, so why not? A free weekend night at the Melody Room, the music bar they're all used to attend is the perfect place, with their common fondness of the place. 

They chat together as they have a simple dinner over the bands and artists playing tonight, and things are going too well. Their conversations come at ease, with common interest, Yuuri is already a fan of Badr, and Badr is outgoing and chatty, and Viktor is there too. They're having a great time together that Viktor is thinking of the possibility of more nights like this, doing different activities or spending them at home. The idea of involving all of them together is making him giddy and thrilled, he needs this sort of refreshing bond.

 

"So in few weeks Yuuri is debuting as a soloist and he's to perform one of the most recognized ballets, I'm so proud of him." Like a proud mother Viktor ruffles Yuuri's hair as he announces the news out of no where after a moment of silence, which isn't really news since Viktor hadn't shut up about it from the beginning, bragging to Badr about his friends like it's his own accomplishment. And Yuuri immediately goes scarlet, mortified with the overexcited friend, pleading him not to start. 

"It's well deserved, I could tell from the first moment seeing him he has a charming aura, you're so graceful and light like you're floating in the air. I have no doubt your dancing is marvelous, Yuuri." Badr praises sweetly, it warms Viktor's chest. Yuuri's complexion is even redder, and he coughs a shy thank you. 

"He is, Badr, you have no idea. I showed him videos of him performing on and off stage, but it's nothing like real life. I'm so excited to watch Bolero, can't the day come any closer?" 

"Viktor please, chill." Yuuri complaints as he shrinks into himself, an embarrassed frown on his face and he looks at Badr. "How can you stand his embarrassing ass?"

"Well, I happen to like this ass a lot, no matter how embarrassing and dramatic it is." He winks at Viktor, and Viktor giggles. "Oh come on, he's embarrassing but he's also so cute." 

Yuuri rolls his eyes and focuses on sipping his ice tea. 

"I've never watched Bolero, but I'm familiar with musical piece by Ravel."

"And what do you think of it?" Yuuri asks curiously, Viktor appears interested in the answer as well. 

Badr gets a feeling it's a trick question. "It's... Well I really find it boring and too repetitive, there's no development, pointless, just a gradual crescendo of instruments getting louder and louder till it explodes in the end, meaningless."

Viktor gasps in shock, while Yuuri howls a victorious laugh. "See? I win the bet!" He tells Viktor. 

"How can you not get it, Badr? I'm offended. Its meaning is too clear. You seriously don't get any certain connotation of it? Do you even remember it well?" 

Feeling troubled, he's fast to conclude. "Maybe it resembles the beginning and ending of things, how it starts from the scratch till it develops into something much bigger, like a huge fire started out from a matchstick and the small ember is amplified to flames catching everything till it's burned? A thin thread weaved slowly and patiently till it ends up a large piece of fabric? I could improvise any interpretation if it saves it some depth. I read before that Ravel was just meaning the effect of propaganda and amplification, the persistence with increased orchestration that could turn events. But I'm not feeling any depth of it." 

"I mean you're close enough, Ravel created this piece with industrial mechanical system in his mind, the running machines at hid father's factory. It was an experiment with instruments that some critics didn't even consider as music, just a simply built single tone with a chance for each instrument to shine. But the argument here is the modern interpretation of it, Viktor and I have been arguing about the subtlety about the sexual undertone of this piece."

"Sexual?" Badr raises an eyebrow, Viktor gapes at him.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you really don't get it Badr. This is an erotic piece, a sound of full of suggestive innuendo and blatant seduction. How on earth can't you hear it? It's an obvious simulation to sex!" 

"Sex? I can't hear that at all. What's erotic about it? It sounds like disciplinary military march music or something with steady snare drum. Nothing romantic or passionate in it spare from the jazzy horns."

"See?" Yuuri smirks at Viktor. "It's too subtle to be spotted and no one today will think it's sexual unless in the right context. The man himself composed it due to his dementia, with his loss of memory and the need to preserve by repeating, it was his last piece before retirement due to illness, people called him mad for it."

"Then explain why it's become an anthem of seduction and the most famous choreography of it is depicted this sexually. It's because many people got its connotations of eroticism even if it wasn't Ravel's intentions. Seriously how can't people get that?" Viktor argues, he notices the way Badr's eyeing him, and he faintly blushes.

"Okay, but I still fail to see how sexual it is. Maybe you can enlighten me." He smiles at him.

Viktor sighs. "Okay, the build up, something starts as slow and quiet, increases gradually, growing louder and vigorous, more intense, until it explodes into climax and peaks its intensity, isn't this exactly sex? The initial gentle foreplay, then the introduction of horns, which are widely suggestive instruments, like the beginning of intercourse. The role of every instrument solo, like when you pay more attention to a certain part of the body. The higher rythem and increasing pace, and the final climax which is exactly what orgasm feels like. This music is sex, Badr."

Silence prevails, Viktor and Yuuri anticipate Badr's reaction as he absorbs the new knowledge staring wide eyed. "Wait a minute... It makes sense. I actually makes sense! You're right."

"See, I told you, it's common knowledge. The choreography of Béjart's ballet, which Yuuri's doing, emphasizes on this sensuality, it's like performing a ritual dance to sex. It basically goes like this, a woman or a man standing on top of a large red table, and we all know the significance of red in terms of passion. The dancer is half naked or dressed in nude, an explicit depiction of flesh, and they start to move steadily to the music, more and more growing sensual and smoother, moving like stripteasing. The central dancer is surrounded by forty other dancers usually of the opposite sex, also half nude, moving in harmony with the central dancer, with extensive smooth shimmying of hips up to actual thrusting. By the end they're closer to the personal dancer, reaching for them, trapping them. A brilliant show of lust and desire."

Nodding in understanding, Badr is more interested now. "That seems hot just from the description, and I can already picture Yuuri doing that."

"It's not really that sexual, no one becomes aroused by watching Bolero." Yuuri's shyness answers him, making Viktor burst in laughter. And Yuri doesn't hesitate to stomp on his foot harshly, drawing a pained awe from him in revenge. "See the fight here between me and Viktor is that I don't find it a complete ode to lust as Viktor views it, and I'm still struggling to find the interpretation that suits me to perfect the performance. The director says my technique is fine, but there's something lacking. And Viktor insists I should be more open with my sexuality, to express it more. To be honest that's unlike me, I can't relate to this kind of sensuality, maybe I'm chosen wrong."

Viktor rolls his eyes, jumping quickly to disagree. "Yuuri, you're awfully underestimating your potential and appeal. You can be Eros personified if you let yourself go. That's why you've been chosen for this role of an androgynous homme fatale who enthralls both men and women, leading forty beautiful dancers of all genders in a passionate dance. They see it in you, you only need a push at the right direction."

"Viktor stop that already," Yuuri is ready to dig his own grave right at his place. "I'm sure I can find the right inspiration for me, something more like. I already like my company's interpretation, and I think the revolution theme is fine, it has more impact. I want to embody a leader of some revolution who encourages the people to revolt, and like any revolutionary movement it starts by spreading the awareness and the ideology to spark the revolution, which appears in my enthusiastic arms movement that attracts few dancers around me who move in harmony with me. And with the ascending crescendo more dancers accumulate around me, joining the revolution, it's the steady propaganda doing its job, the persistence of the movement. Until the final abrupt of drums and strings and horns soaring up and that's the revolution at full force, like the loud chants in demonstrations, and the celebrations of victory over the system. Personally I lean more to this vision and I think it's better than a pure sexual interpretation."

"Wow, that's an impressive interpretation and I can envision it with the music." Badr congratulates him, and Yuuri gets more confident about it. 

Still, Viktor can't surrender. "Okay but why can't you incorporate sexuality into the act of revolution? The depiction of sexuality is revolutionary itself, sex has always been associated libertt and a sense of freedom. It can be used as a passionate symbol to enhance the whole idea of revolution. It won't revolve around sex then, and this inclusion makes a lot of sense, and it goes well with the familiar interpretation with the public."

"Wow Viktor, you're so passionate and dedicated to make Yuuri a sex god so bad." Badr laughs humorlessly, and his accusatory tone can't be mistaken. Suddenly Viktor become self conscious of his own persistence, and the worst is how uncomfortable Yuuri looks. He went too far without noticing with his own expression of sexuality, and oh boy how wrong does it feel. Badr is still clueless about their past shared nights, and now Viktor is giving away himself like this.

The atmosphere becomes too tense and awkward, and Viktor shouldn't let it shake him. He looks at his boyfriend confidently, with a wide smile. "Only because I'm loyal to the classic interpretation of an art piece, baby." Pet names, they're still not used to use them, but he can immediately see the effect on Badr. 

"Doesn't mean it's the only right one to every person." Yuuri answers airily. 

"Some people are too slow to get it. I was only fourteen when I first attended an orchestral concert to hear this piece, and I remember growing uncomfortable next to my parents as I came, not pun intended, to realize the meaning of the piece by the end of it." 

"Well some people aren't hormones crazed teenager obsessed with sex who gets horny by music." Yuuri shoots back cheekily, and the awkwardness instantly disappears as they burst in laughter at Yuuri's comeback. 

"How dare you expose me like that?" Viktor whines.

"You know I would like to meet hormones craze sex obsessed Viktor who gets turned on by music, but adult." Badr purrs dangerously at him, making Viktor almost scandalised as he bites his lip to suppress a giggle.

"Oh pardon me now if you're going to shamelessly flirt, I'm not programmed to handle this. I better get ready for my open mic performance in minutes now. Gonna perform you the song I promised you before, a song fits you better than U R so gay."

Viktor giggles as he recalls the memory of the joke, getting excited by the upcoming performance. 

"Badr, I know you saw me perform few times before, and you know bad my songs are. And now you're much closer to me and with your poetic gift with words, please don't judge me. My lyrics are weird and I blame it on being a non native speaker."

Laughing hilariously, Badr shakes his head. "You don't have to worry about that, your songs are mostly cute."

"That's because they're inspired by me." Viktor takes the pride like he owns the credit to Yuuri's -sarcastically- musical genius. 

"Oh you inspire Yuuri?" Badr asks with a weird smile. 

Viktor charmingly caresses his cheeks, batting his lashes. "Don't I get to be your muse too?"

Hypnotized, he nods. "I would write you books and books..."

"Hey, maybe we can collaborate since he's our common muse, you're an amazing poet you can provide the lyrics, and I'll compose the music. A Powerful duet." Yuuri jokes and the idea makes Viktor lights up, flashing his heart shaped smile.

"Aw my two favorite people collaborating to boost my ego, how sweet! "

"Alright, let's get them Grammys." Badr claps his hands. Yuuri picks up his guitar and heads to the stage to take his turn. 

"Yuuri certainly glows when he's around you. He's timid on his own, but you ease up his company."

Viktor shrugs as he drinks the cocktail from his straw. "Of course he'll be more open around me than strangers , we're the closest to each other."

"Yes, so close. Too close that I feel sometimes left out," It's strange to hear, but Badr laughs nervously. "I mean it's irrational of me but I think I'm the third wheel here." 

Viktor gulps, astonished by his words. He's made sure the whole night to break any barriers between them and divide his attention for both of them. He doesn't get it, the three of them get along and interact equally, what's causing him to feel this way?

"Hey, don't take this the wrong way, I hope I don't sound weird or possessive. It's natural to feel this way since both of you are so comfortable around each other, of course you understand each other more." He takes Viktor's hand in his, rubbing it gently with a brilliant smile on his lips. "Maybe I'm a little...very little jealous of how close he is to you, I want to be this close to you, to have inside jokes between the two of us only, to read each other's minds, to write you songs and poems too." 

Viktor is slightly speechless, letting a stunned smile on his face do the work. Because honestly, no one can replace Yuuri. It just doesn't make any sense, it doesn't feel right as it does with Yuuri. Platonically speaking of course, a best friend is irreplaceable, even with a lover.

"You don't have to feel jealous, you're the boyfriend, my lover, you're the closer one." He whispers slowly, maybe dreading a hesitance in his voice exposing him. He can make Badr feel special without giving up Yuuri, right?

Badr leans closer to him, only few centimeters separating their faces. "Hey, when make love for the first time, can we do it to Bolero?"

Giggling stupidly, Viktor promises him with a nod.

 

With their attention back to the stage, Yuuri stands adorably shy hugging his guitar. 

"Hello, everyone, I'm Yuuri, and I'm gonna play a song called You're so soulfu. I hope you enjoy." He says into the mic, and Viktor's excitement spikes to the space. 

Yuuri starts tuning his strings, then he says, "This song is for a boring gay man with a fine taste." 

Viktor laughs when he gets the reference. Then Yuuri starts playing a cheerful melody.

 

 _How can I play you a pop song?_  
_When you listen to Puccini... all night long_

_And I really envy him_  
_For amusing you... while I can't with my strings_

_How can I sing you a love song?_  
_When you only listen to Pavarotti...all night long_

_And I'm terribly jealous of him_  
_For impressing you with high notes... beyond my strength_

_Like Calaf chanted Nessun Dorma for his beauty Turandot_  
_To my chanting, I tried to make you listen, but why you just don't_

_Oh you're so soulful... you're so soulful_  
_You only live for art_  
_Oh you're so soulful... you're so soulful_  
_Of your life, can I be a part?_

_How can I master my voice for a song?_  
_When only to the bel canto... your tastes belong_

_And I'm honestly sick of it_  
_Of boring you with my lazy voice_

_How can I write you a meaningful song?_  
_When your Italian poets say... my words are all too wrong_

_And I'm awfully ashamed of it_  
_Of words bad enough to be my choice_

_Like Mario only thinking of Tosca the dearest_  
_I only think of you, and to me I want you the nearest_

_Oh you're so soulful... you're so soulful_  
_You only live for art_  
_Oh you're so soulful... you're so soulful_  
_Of your life, can I be a part?_

 

The song comes to an end, followed by polite unimpressed applause from the others, but Yuuri's eyes have been connected to a certain pair of blue, never leaving them, watching their feedback to each word and each note, waiting for the final verdict now.

And Viktor... Viktor is dumbly clapping with the most absurd smile splitting his face in halves. It's so silly, the song is so silly, Yuuri is silly 

It's lovely and heartwarming. It's...

"Wow, apparently best friends write each other love songs these days, interesting." Viktor wakes up to the voice of his boyfriend. Looking at him, he finds his expression unreadable.

"Huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bros write each other love songs all the time, Badr 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and weren't bothered by this "boyfriend", what do you think of him?
> 
> Anyway here's Maurice Ravel's famous [Bolero](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZDiaRZy0Ak) and I'm gonna link the ballet next chapter when Yuuri performs it. In the battle I side with Viktor btw since this is its purpose. When I first heard that piece by chance I was entranced by the instrumental progression of just one melody, and how far from boring it despite the obsessive repetition, by the end of the piece it was too obvious it's sexual. And when I searched about it I knew I was right and I'm not just a dirty mind. Do you guys find it meaningless and boring?  
> I chose this ballet specifically because I can totally see Yuuri doing it. Also regarding figure skating, this tone must be familiar with avid fans since the famous ice dancers Torvill and Dean won gold at the 84 Olympic with an unbelievable performance to Bolero. It's amazing, you should look it up if you haven't seen it. 
> 
> About the song, it sucks okay? Yuuri sweetie I'm so sorry I can't give the song writing ability but you're still adorable. The song here focuses on Viktor's eccentric tastes, which are good of course. Here're the references:
> 
> -Puccini is one of the best opera composers of all time, ha many great works like Madame Butterfly, La Boheme, Tosca, Turandot... His operas are Viktor's favorites (mine actually)  
> -Luciano Pavarotti is an incredible Italian opera tenor and his voice is from heaven, and probably the most popular opera singer... Try listening to O sole mio, Nessun dorma, E lucevan le stelle, O soave fanciulla in his voice  
> _Calaf and Turandot are from opera Turandot  
> -Mario and Tosca are from opera Tosca  
> -Bel canto, an Italian term means the beautiful singing
> 
> So, next chapter is probably the last, so look forward to it please, can't wait to get these two together


	6. Chapter 6

Bros don't write each other love songs.

"What do you even mean?" Viktor smiles as innocently as possible, easily confronting Badr's piercing gaze. He isn't too surprised by his odd reaction to that silly song, how many times people mistook them as lovers because of dumb songs played and private jokes told in public like that? It's natural to feel a bit jealous because he isn't used to the relationship dynamics between the two friends, and it's Victor's role to reason it to him. It's not a big deal. "Yuuri has been singing silly songs like this forever, and you watched him many times doing so. Why are you even taking it seriously? There's no reason for that."

The struggle on Badr's face is evident not sure if it's confusion or a struggle to keep his calm. He doesn't seem the jealous type, why would he even be? It's just a misunderstanding. "Yes, but you weren't with me at that time, and I didn't know his cheesy love songs were dedicated to you. I'm not implying anything Viktor, I just find it weird."

"Well, it looks weird at first but seriously this is meaningless. He doesn't write _cheesy love songs_ for me. Every amateur hobbyist writes love songs because they're easy and trendy, it's the pop culture. And when he says I inspire him it means he milks a humorous love song from a trivial conversation we had. Most of his songs are inspired by our own conversations and discussions in general. Like that time I joked about envying squids for having multiple arms that enable them to hold their mates tightly, then he came up with the song Tentacle Love months ago. _I'll hold you with an arm, I'll pet with an arm, I'll fuck with an arm... We're staying up all night, so please don't set the alarm."_

The frown on Badr is easily altered to a smile then a resistant laugh, and Viktor laughs back, taking both of Badr's hands in his. He glimpses around for Yuuri and he still doesn't see him after finishing the performance, probably at the bathroom. He gazes into the open hazel eyes, pouring all the affection he could afford into them and Badr's face is much softer now.

A distant thought in Viktor's mind creeps closer again along with that guilt. But he can't tell him, he doesn't find the strength to confess about the more than innocent friendship between him and Yuuri, especially not when he has his own doubts. No matter how unethical and manipulative it is, this could cause a wide crack in their newly founded fragile relationship, it's still too weak to withstand such crack without breaking down, lying about it also contrasts with the bases of honesty and trust he wants to build the relationship on. But hey, it's just a white lie, where's the harm? He's considering his boyfriend's feelings.

"Why were you even envying squids? You're crazy, Yuuri is too." He asks him with a soft smile.

Viktor grins. "Gly is talented, he could turn my sorrow into art. Also I needed to be hugged, I was sad and lonely back then. But now I'm not, you're here with me and you make me happy, and the number of arms you have is just fine. You're getting a little irrational when you don't have to. I mean I understand where you're coming from but trust me, Yuuri and I have lived together for a long time, if we had feelings for each other what would stop us from getting together?" He asks himself every day.

Sighing, Badr nods in agreement. Viktor takes it a chance to steal a small peck from his lips, and immediately Badr swoons, making him laugh. 

"Listen, I trust you both. Don't take this as I'm controlling you, but... I feel a little uncomfortable about your affection for Yuuri, and I would like you would tone it down a little bit, just a little bit with that bromance. That if you don't mind of course, it's all up to you, I hope I'm not being possessive or getting in the way between you and your friend. Just a little wish."

A little wish that will demand much control from Viktor, he has no control when it comes to Yuuri, but Badr deserves to feel secure and respected too. "It's okay, I won't cross the line with Yuuri anymore, you don't have to worry about that at all."

Viktor isn't even sure what he's promising Badr with, what are the lines with Yuuri to cross or not? But he knows this promise will only apply at Badr's presence, which thankfully isn't permanent, because there's no actual line, it's an open territory to Yuuri and Viktor can't just stop being himself around Yuuri. Does that make him a bad person, a sort of...cheater? No, he justifies to himself, it's just Badr doesn't understand the depth of their relationship and how close they are, and maybe Viktor feels for Yuuri as more than just friend, but he can't expect from him to flip his life upside down at one night to please him.

But saying the right words is reassuring, and he can see it on Badr, that reassurance. It doesn't cost much to give it to him. And Viktor can push this conflict at the back of his mind to mingle with the rest of his unwanted feelings and unneeded drama.

Content, Badr leans in to capture Viktor's lips in a kiss, Viktor kisses back. Lucky for him, Badr is a very good kisser so Viktor doesn't have to pretend he's kissing someone else...anymore. 

They never notice Yuuri standing there, the whole time. 

He must have heard some stuff.

 

*****

 

Viktor misses Yuuri terribly, and this time he's not exaggerating, they barely see each other, and while he's used to this during Yuuri's busy season, the only thing that is different this time is Yuuri not coming home. Skipping whole nights without sleeping at his room, spending as little time as possible when he comes to collect his stuff, speaking countable words to Viktor if they ever meet. It's like he's being on tour but yet still in New York, so why is he avoiding coming home?

When Viktor asks him, he smiles apologetically his sweet smile, and just looks too sad. He answers he's really busy with his parts since he's still involved in multiple productions other than Bolero, and he needs to focus. He says he's sleeping at a colleague's that lives near the studio, which doesn't make sense because their apartment is already near the studio. He apologizes profusely for not spending any time with neither Viktor nor their dogs, but it's just temporary, he says. 

Viktor isn't entirely convinced with his excuses, but he doesn't press him. He's just concerned with his state, and prays Yuuri is coping well with his stressful days and gruelling rehearsals. Viktor can stand not seeing or hearing from him for days (lie; he can't) but he can never be fine with Yuuri overexerting himself and basically killing himself for a stupid role, all combined with his poor mental state and consuming anxiety, it's awful he can't even be there with him to offer him the support. 

The most delicious food is tasteless, nights after work are too long and boring, music isn't much exciting anymore, all the books don't make any sense with no one to discuss with, the roses Badr sends him to his office daily are scentless and plastic, even Makka and Vicchan fail to cheer him up.

However he manages to keep his longing and concern himself without oversharing them with Badr, careful not to express his overall gloom at his boyfriend's company, the thoughts and words about Yuuri don't leak into their conversations more than usual. Because even if Badr is incredibly understanding and mature, Viktor almost outed himself once and he saw how it could have gone wrong in many ways, he's not ready to repeat the mistake again.

And honestly Badr is making things slightly better, it's like he's sensing Viktor's distress without telling, he gives him extra attention, extra care and spoiling, being very gentle and tender. They meet often which is keeping Viktor away from the edge of loneliness bottomless hole, spend the nights together at each other's homes dining and wining then cuddling to sleep, albeit they still, oddly, haven't taken their relationship to the next level, aka haven't had sex yet. It's mostly Viktor's wish, traumatized from past encounters and advantages taken upon him, he prefers to take his time even if it's nearing four months now which is a lot, but again Badr being the angel he is keeps his patience and understanding, even if he's dying to sleep with Viktor.

Sometimes (most of the time) Viktor feels guilty about dragging Badr with him, like he deserves something better than this, than a man forcing himself to fall in love with him because he's just so lovable. Because in Viktor's mind it's only a matter of time to completely fall for Badr and get over someone, but apparently it's not the time yet, this is the time to worry about his distressed distant best friend.

The night before Yuuri's big show, he's home to take a good rest and sleep to the morning. But deep in the night when everything is supposed to fall in comfortable silence, Viktor hears faints notes and melodies on the piano when he abruptly wakes up for no reason. Viktor leaves the bed to check the source of the music. He glimpses at the alarm next to him to find it's past two am. 

Stepping out of the bedroom, a vision of the piano occupied by Yuuri presented to him, illuminated by the alternating neon purples and blues of the advertising billboard outside of their apartmen coming from the glass windows. Yuuri's face is unclear, but his playing is too clear, too beautiful and melancholic, [the Pas de Deux ](https://youtu.be/4kndVsna_-A) from the Nutcracker, a piece Yuuri dreams of dancing to as a principal. Viktor might be good on the piano after extensive training since childhood, an necessity for growing in a family of socialites and elites, but he knows Yuuri is far much better with his natural fingers for it, Yuuri is music.

Viktor should scold Yuuri and urge him to have enough sleep but he's weak for Yuuri playing Tchaikovsky and there's no way he's going to deny the chance to watch him or even actively participate. And that's exactly what he does when he makes his presence known to Yuuri and Yuuri welcomes him with his signature for-Viktor-only smile. Viktor doesn't hesitate to take the space next to him on the bench, automatically doubles the playing on the equivalent keys, and Yuuri doesn't flinch a bit, both now playing the piece in timed harmony.

It's always the moments like this, the peaceful union of their dancing fingers producing this soul healing music... The early mornings spent in the kitchen to prepare a barely edible breakfast... The walk around the block with Makkachin and Vicchan leashes in their hands... The book they fight over reading it first because one of them bought it and the other is too lazy and impatient to buy a copy for himself, but end up reading it together, taking much more time to finish it because they stop every sentence to discuss it and drift to a whole different subject... The random waltzes and tangos they have whenever there's a music playing or just coming from their heads... That's what they share and Viktor can't imagine having this with someone else, oh boy is he so far from getting over his best friend!

"You should sleep." Viktor mutters, feeling drowsy himself, his head already pillowing Yuuri's shoulder.

"Sleep next to me?" Yuuri asks hopefully.

Wordlessly, Viktor stands taking Yuuri's hand with him, leading them both to the dancer's bedroom. And they literally fall onto the bed, snuggling too closely, face to face, exchanging breathes and semi closed eyed gazes.

"Nervous?" Viktor realizes the stupidity of his question after whispering it, Yuuri confirms this stupidity with a huffed laugh. 

"It's not too different from your usual performances, you went through much harder things. You danced solos for the most important international competitions in front of the toughest judges, and you won them. There's no reason to be nervous... I mean more nervous than the usual." 

"That's not just that thing. I... I kind of want to escape from everything." Yuuri says too dreamily, and it makes Viktor concerned. 

"Yuuri please don't tell me you have ideas to run before your show, as much sexy and exciting as it sounds, don't do this!"

Yuuri chuckles. "You're very convincing, you should mentor me. But no, that's not the kind of escape I mean. I mean something more like escaping from my life, to...I don't know... An alternative reality, a whole different life, still involving some elements of my current life though, the ones I only like."

"Wow, do I belong to this alternative reality?" 

"Of course I would keep you in other universe. I would give you bigger roles though. I want to keep performing as well. Maybe you could be my mentor beside my friend. Let's see... An alternative universe where I'm still a ballet dancer but more confident and in Russia, at the Bolshoi, I'm the protégé of the most celebrated ballet dancer in the world, Viktor Nikiforov..."

Viktor snorts. "Seems like something from my own imagination, it would be an honor to mentor you Yuuri."

The sparkle in Yuuri's eyes doesn't change, he's still lost in his own fantasy. "Or I'm the most promising pianist, introduced and sponsored by the greatest musical composer of our generation, Viktor Nikiforov..."

"Wow!"

"Maybe I'm a rising actor who isn't aware of his full potential, only to be discovered by the multiple academy awards winning actor and director to star in his most ambitious project because I'm that damn talented..."

"And that actor director must be me." Viktor's smile splits his face it starts to hurt.

"Hmm. Or even...a figure skater, I dreamt to be a figure skater when I was young. This version could be more realistic, so I'll keep my mishaps. A figure skater who lost his way and almost decided to give up his dream, until the figure skating living legend Viktor Nikiforov urges him not to, and took his coaching in his hand, surprising everyone. Yes this one is nice..."

"Yuuri, you're the performer and the artist here. Why would I be the mentor and you the student? Why do you have to be my follower? Why can't we be equals...or even rivals? Or even I become the student and you the great mentor?" 

Viktor doesn't want to think about it even inside his mind, but he's always suspected Yuuri's inferiority complex, his deadly imposter syndrome, all his insecurities and fears, how much he reduces his abilities and skills and talent to his luck and anxiousness. It's horrible the way he thinks of himself, it also doesn't make any sense, but it's not his choice, that's how he is, and Viktor will never get tired of telling him how wonderful and exceptional he is, to make him believe in himself, because it's the truth, and it's the only way he can help him. 

"Because you're just too great Viktor, and I can't imagine you less than anything but the greatest. Because I look up to you, and I want to be your equal, even when we're in total different fields, and I want to impress you...surprise you." 

Viktor opens his mouth to protest, to wonder what's great about him, him failing once and totally giving up art? Or excelling in a mundane job that gets mocked by everyone? But he's instantly silenced by Yuuri's hand, he's not taking any disagreements. He closes his eyes as his head dives deeper into the pillow, getting comfortable. "Shhh, let's sleep for now."

Viktor's eyes linger on Yuuri, taking in every detail of his calm face, like swallowing his own sedative hypnotic. Peacefully, he falls asleep, cuddling closer to him.

 

*****

 

The opening gala at the David H.Koch Theater remarks the start of the new fall season for the company with a number of performances including Yuuri's, and Viktor might be present earlier than everyone else. He woke up in the morning with a cold empty spot next to him, Yuuri had gone by the dawn, and he hadn't had the chance to send him off with a good luck. It's also impossible for Yuuri to reply his encouraging text, not before the show, and Viktor feels like he should do something meaningful to show him the support he deserves. 

Badr assures him the fancy bouquet of flowers he asked to be delivered for Yuuri with the cheeky good luck message card is more than enough. Yet Viktor still doesn't feel comfortable, fidgeting as he waits for the show, and imagining all the worst case scenarios, which isn't really like himself, but all the tension that has built up for the past days is showing now, Yuuri's distance and detachment, last night's uneasy conversation, the burden of changes and bigger responsibilities, it's all talking a toll on him now. 

At some point, Viktor snaps harshly at Badr whose only fault is trying to calm him down, because Viktor is that idiotic. But he can't stand the idea of someone belittling the pre-performance rituals they have practiced for the past three years, it isn't Viktor babying Yuuri when he's a grown adult, it's not motherly over worrying, it's the essence of their relationship, the bond tying them together, no one will understand.

Again Viktor feels guilty about mistreating Badr, he kisses him profusely as an apology, which he gladly accepts. If Badr weren't just too head over heels for him!

There're many of their friends who are present tonight to watch and support Yuuri's performance. Even Yuri Plistsky came along with his friend, Viktor is really surprised, but he shouldn't given how Yuri becomes almost nice for the other Yuuri. Also not surprising given that Yuri had intended to pursue ballet at one point, and Yuuri is just a terrific role model, even if Yuri wouldn't admit. 

While Viktor is introducing his boyfriend to his and Yuuri's friends, his phone rings. Viktor checks who is it, and excuses himself when he finds it's non other than Yuuri himself calling probably from the backstage now.

"Yuuri?" 

"Viktor you're already here, aren't you?" His voice is shaky, typically nervous, and Viktor hopes he's not over panicking.

"Yes, I've been here for a long while. All of our friends are here as well, Phichit, Leo, Guang Hong, all of them. Even Yura is here too, can you believe it? You must have saved a country in your past life to get Yuri Plistsky's approval."

Yuuri's laugh chimes through the phone, still nervous though. There's a long pause on the line before Viktor hears him sigh. "I'll do well, right?"

"I don't have the smallest doubt about it, you'll do great Yuuri. I can't wait to watch you."

"I... I'm dancing for you tonight. So, never take your eyes off me." Viktor gasps when he hears the change of his tone, bold and challenging, exactly what he needs to be. It feels special that Yuuri gains his confidence from him. 

"As if I can. Surprise me Yuuri."

"I will." He hangs up after his promise, hopefully he's more stable now.

 

Viktor doesn't settle in his seat, fidgeting restlessly as he watches absentmindedly the current show, his mind is only programmed to react to the upcoming performance that he misses entirely this one. He glances everywhere but the stage, checking people around him, Badr is obviously enjoying himself he doesn't notice Viktor's nervous excitement. 

He wonders what Yuuri is doing right now, probably stretching and warming up, possibly calling his parents as he sometimes do, maybe revising the steps while he listens to the music for the last time, mostly breathing heavily and deeply in regulated cycles, regretfully panicking...

Finally, the theatre goes in total blackout in preparation of this show. Viktor gasps when he hears the first percussion on the snare drum marking the start of [Bolero](https://youtu.be/SS_WJmLGFrA). The soft horn music builds up, spotlights projected on two delicately moving hands, Yuuri's hands. His movements are as minute and smooth as possible, the light grows to reveal more of his dancing arms, until it reveals his entire body bouncing steadily on his feet topping the center of the famous red table. 

It's a glorious picture of him with his naked upper body, his hair is slicked back and his features are smart and sharp, one look at him is enough to mesmerize with his intense expression and fluid movement. There's incredible balance and symmetry about his flexible body, the way he moves in perfect sync with the music in a jaw dropping mixture of masculinity and femininity. Mostly this dance is more favored with female performers, but Yuuri so far nails his androgynous neutral execution, demanding the smallest fraction of your attention for his precision and stability. Viktor follows him without blinking, his mouth is hanging slightly open like he's witnessing dancing for the first time in his life, his heart is pounding hard in his chest to the beat of the music.

The other dancers encircling him on their chairs begin to accumulate around him as if magnetized by him, and slowly his serious intense demeanor transforms into something more erotic, his movements become more sensual, a sultry look climbs up his handsome face, enchanting and entrancing. He maintains his light balance with no signs of fatigue, he's practically to move for about 15 minutes non stop, it requires much stamina and strength, yet it looks like nothing to him. Effortless like a cat, light like a fairy, and desirable like the personification of Eros. 

Somehow, Viktor senses Yuuri has taken his advice considering flashing his sexuality, because he's never seen something more arousing, even from an objective non-biased standpoint, Yuuri is crazily sexy, a sight to behold. Combined with the delicious hip movements of the surrounding dancers, the confident sultry look on his face is clearer than ever, inviting and exciting, the music grows louder, the dancing more rapid, everything is leading to madness, and Yuuri has no mercy. There's still the concept of uprising revolution, led by the liberated madness of blatant sexuality. It's exactly what Viktor would have envisioned, and he's so damn glad it turned this way. 

Perfect, just perfect without the tiniest flaw as if it's possible. Yuuri just belongs to the stage, and although being a newly promoted soloist, not even a principal, he's carrying the show on his shoulders, whoever chose him for this had the eye. Maybe Viktor is biased, too fascinated with the concept of undiscovered dancing god Yuuri, judgment too clouded by the joy, but to him Yuuri is the best dancer he's seen. No matter how shaken and inexperienced he is-was. It's a universal knowledge that dancers can't be what they're without the music, but Yuuri is the inaudible music, the dance that creates its own music. Like a tree branches blown by the wind, or the fluttering of a bird's wings, or the flow of a river, a nature's music, Yuuri's limbs and core twisting and rippling and rolling are nature's music. 

Tonight is another victory for passion, hard work, skill, and faith. Yuuri is living his dream or just the beginning of it, and Viktor is proud to be his journey companion. There's no nerves or hesitation in his performance, his body is doing what it's meant to do with much passion. And the best of all, Yuuri is obviously enjoying himself, dancing for his own happiness, carefree with no trace of fears.

Yuuri's movements are more erratic than ever, jumps higher, splits wider, drops harder, the music soaring up at its loudest, the beat is thundering, and the instruments explode into the final climax. Losing all the sense of sanity, the dancers trap Yuuri as he reaches the peak of his madness, the revolution leader is on top of the world leafing to victory and liberation. Jumping to enclose him, they collectively collapse with the music dying down.

Viktor doesn't register any of the surrounding tremendous applause shaking the entire theater as he himself is an shaken by an earthquake of clapping and cheering. He's got tears in his eyes and his facial muscles are strained with his persistent smile, his hands inflamed with all the clapping and his voice is about to abandon his throat forever in one of his enthusiastic screams with Yuuri's name. This is a kind of ecstasy he never experienced before, like it's his own victory. 

The look on Yuuri's face is priceless as he stands proudly arms open wide, panting and crying while accepting the audience's greeting. It must be too overwhelming for him, to be able to please this amount of picky elitist audience who expect nothing less than perfection, all when he's just starting to make a name for himself.

Without thinking, Viktor hurries to the backstage where he has an exclusive access previously provided by Yuuri, avoiding everyone else asking him where he is going, there're still two gala performances, but he's only here for one show. Sending Yuuri an urgent text, Viktor bounces on his feet waiting for him outside the dressing room. 

Yuuri emerges from the room, wearing an unbuttoned white shirt now revealing his front, looking too wet and flushed and shining as in sex afterglows, and the first thing he does is jumping at Viktor in the tightest hug known by human history. Viktor elevates him from the ground and spins them both like flying, their giggles echoing the busy hallway among other dancers and backstage workers. They must be romantically entertaining like a lovers reunion. 

Yuuri pulls him aside away from the noisy busy hallway. Viktor doesn't recall a time when Yuuri looked this happy, and oh god how happiness does suit him. 

"You look dashing as always." That's the last thing Viktor expected to hear, not exactly the right time for Yuuri to pay attention to his mediocre evening tux when he's just delivered the performance of his lifetime...so far. It leaves him surprised and blushing, and he stares on in amazement at the dazzling smile on that brilliant face, this smile should stick to this face eternally. 

"And you looked stunning there Yuuri, you were a thing if utter beauty. No one could take your eyes off you, you took everyone's breath away."

"I only care about how you felt..." With a raspy voice and face too close, Yuuri sends all kind of shivers down Viktor's spine. 

Viktor searches for words, shaking his head while glancing everywhere looking for a clue. Can his feelings be translated and effectively conveyed in language? And what more can he deliver with an articulated speech and shaky voice than an intimate hug could do? That's why he renews the hug, clutching at Yuuri's shoulders and burying his face in his sweat dampened hair, a very subtle kiss is planted on top of Yuuri's head, he hopes it goes unnoticed.

"I felt like I was you, like my soul possessed your body..." Victor murmurs, facing Yuuri and still holding him. "Like I was the one who danced in bliss, it felt so surreal, and I feel like I'm the one who nailed it."

Yuuri's half lidded eyes pull Viktor in, like a magnet stripping him from any resistance or will. 

He doesn't know who initiated the kiss, but he knows they're both kissing back... 

So brief and short, almost an illusion, but his lips are hot and pulsating, the aftereffect is there, and this chaste kiss isn't a product of his imagination. It happened to be just too short, and followed by immense guilt, but not a single regret. Because it just feels too right although it's wrong.

And like any wrong should be corrected, Yuuri resorts to his best evasion tactics, act like nothing happened and change the subject.

"Some of my company friends are going out to have a celebratory dinner..." He rubs his back. "for me, they have a reservation at that big restaurant, and I can bring an extra one. It's after the show, you can come."

He should go, he can't though. Previous attachments, important ones, a promise must be kept. There're two choices, and he's torn apart.

"Yuuri that would be lovely, but I... I can't. I should spend the night with Badr."

They're going to his home.

They're supposed to have sex for the first time tonight.

Yuuri doesn't know about that, he didn't have the chance to tell him. 

"Oh..." Just like a candle blown by the wind, Yuuri's light goes out.

"Hey I'm sure he'll understand, I should be with you, I'll tell him-"

"No no that's okay." Yuuri interrupts him in urgent insistence. "Please don't cancel your plans for me, you already promised him."

"Yuuri it's your night and you should be celebrated. I was a fool to make plans with him anyway at the same night as your show, what's gotten with me?"

"Viktor, there's a plenty of time to celebrate that trust me, don't blame yourself. Please go have fun with your boyfriend and I'll have fun too with my friends."

Yuuri pleads silently to him, and Viktor is doomed. He's already ruined it, he should have made himself available for Yuuri, of course he would love to celebrate his success, it doesn't happen everyday to debut as a soloist in a leading role with a huge company. Idiot, he's a huge idiot, why did he even suggest that to Badr? Now even if he cancels with Badr and goes with Yuuri, it will become meaningless and halfhearted. 

He just wants to go home now.

"Viktor please, go on with your night. I'm not mad I'm promise, I want to hang out with my friends outside of the rehearsals and work and all that. So go with Badr, I bet you've got big things tonight."

Viktor slowly nods in defeat. "Okay." And Yuuri gives treats him a pretty fake smile.

 

*****

 

On the other side, kissing Badr feels so wrong and out of place, unsatisfactory and passionless. Well at least Badr is enjoying it, too enthusiastic and pleasured, but Viktor just can't get in the mood. He tries, he tries too hard to get in the mood and lose himself to lust, reaches for an ember to light his desires. He fails miserably, his wandering hands on Badr's perfect body aren't exciting him as he should, the hot urgent caresses and groping all over his own body feel nothing erotic, the lips attached to his are soft and warm but tasteless. 

In a desperate attempt, he recalls someone else's kiss and combines the reality with fantasy, and it works for a moment, picturing it's Yuuri who's devouring him and guiding him to madness. But then he's hit with reality when Badr doesn't meet the expectations, doesn't act like Yuuri would usually do in this situation. By now, Yuuri would make him lose his clothes, would cover every inch of his skin with kisses and touches, would worship him in utter devotion elevating him to the heavens.

His mind can't stop working, thinking and comparing between the two, Yuuri would do this and that, he wouldn't do that, Badr can't do this like him and he's nothing like him in that. And the whole thing honestly feels off and awful, not only turning him off, but also make him sound filthy and unfaithful.

"Baby... Is there something wrong?" Badr pulls away, sitting up on the bed, probably feeling now like making out with a corpse.

He never felt so ashamed. "I'm sorry Badr, I think I can't do this right now. I'm not ready." 

The look of disappointment on his boyfriend's face is physically painful, he doesn't deserve any of that. 

Buttoning up his shirt, he nods. "It's okay Viktor you don't have to. You know what? We can just cuddle and sleep till the morning." He brushes his hair gently, and honestly what has he done in his life to deserve a man with the patience of the saints? Because he surely can spot his sexual frustration and him suffering to hide that hard on, oh you poor man. What kind of two faced manipulative boyfriend Viktor is?

"Baby I'm so sorry, I don't know what occurred to me, but suddenly I have a bad feeling about it. I know I'm keeping you waiting for something important like that, it's my fault." 

"Viktor it's okay, I respect your boundaries and I'm not really in rush. In fact, I dated an asexual man before, and we had spent a good year together before he left for a job opportunity. So even if you don't want to at all, I'm willing to accept and I don't have any problems with it." It's his reassuring smile, fuck. He's really flawless isn't he?

"I'm... I'm not asexual, you don't have to worry about this. It's just..."

"I know, I know. Let me get us a drink, or better, I'll make us some hot chocolate, okay? You need to relax and have a good sleep, it's been a long day. You can choose any of my pajamas from the closet to sleep in." He presses a soft kiss on his forehead before leaving. Great now he's tucking him in bed with a hot chocolate and a peck on the head like a first grader. This is terrible on so many levels. 

Viktor sighs as collapses back sinking into the mattress, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. This is emotionally draining. Things are far from good, Badr is so good, too good it's awful. He can do much better than Viktor. 

"You must be a little sentimental." Badr says entering the room with two cups streaming of the sweet scent of chocolate. 

"Hmm?" Viktor replies intelligently.

Badr hands him his cup and Viktor takes it in appreciation. He takes a nervous sip that burns his tongue. 

Standing across the room by the window, Badr drinks from his own cup more carefully. "Feeling emotional about tonight...about Yuuri."

Viktor evades his eyes, busying himself with his steaming drink. "He's come a long way, I'm proud of him."

"Well I've never seen someone so proud. It's impressive." He laughs humorlessly, Viktor doesn't sense good from this.

"What's impressive? Supporting your best friend?" He asks before burning his tongue again.

"Just the way you're proud of him. I bet you're still thinking about his performance until this moment. It's not exactly forgettable, and he took your advice as well. He was oozing of sexuality, his sensual charisma was overflowing that everyone must got a little too excited, including you. I can see how why you insisted on that concept, you seem to be too familiar with this image."

Okay, this is unbearable. Dropping hints left and right, doubts and accusations based on observations, right? Viktor has been giving himself away too much, who is he fooling? There's no escape from his love.

"You know what? You're entitled to know the truth that I've been trying to hide even from myself. I'm sorry Badr for not being completely honest with you, I have a confession."

Badr doesn't look surprised, calmly he abandons his cup and sits on the edge of the bed near Viktor. "I promise to understand." 

_You're always too understanding,_ and that's what makes it hard. Maybe Viktor can be selective about the truth and still save their relationship, because losing Badr is still a great loss. 

"You were right when you though there was something between Yuuri and I." He braces himself, never feeling this shameful. "We did have an arrangement, an intimate one. We...used to be a sort of...friends with benefits."

Badr raises an eyebrow, this time surprised. "You slept together." He concludes confidently, as if confirming his own doubts.

"That's before I met you, remember he's the one who set us up together. It's something meaningless we did when we had nothing better to do. Just for causal company to overcome loneliness, instead of hooking up with strangers who might not be worthy. At least we know and respect each other. But it didn't happen many times, just from time to time." Badr darts his eyes away, it makes Viktor feel horrible, he doesn't mean to hurt him. "Of course you understand that kind of thing."

Badr stands up, walks the room with crossed arms, deep in thought. "You're sure you don't have feelings for each other?" 

"Or else we would have already gotten together, right? That's it, there's nothing more." That's half a lie. Oh yeah, he doesn't have to mention the kiss from earlier either.

"So from what I gather, you're just friends, and sleep casually with each other when you're both single and lonely." 

"Exactly, it's only for practicality and availability. And as you can see, Yuuri and I can be attractive for each other, so it makes sense."

"Yes yes, you're both attractive, you live together, you click too well. It only makes sense." He agrees vaguely, his words are bearing hidden meanings. He gazes up Viktor. "So it's only casual, it can't be more. True?"

He fears the betrayal of his own voice, so he just nods.

"And you don't hold something deeper for him?" Now it's a plain interrogation. 

Viktor huffs in surrender. "Look, I won't deny at some point I liked Yuuri more than just a friend. But it doesn't matter, he's never seen me this way. And most importantly I like you now and I'm with you."

His face is unreadable, but Viktor can tell he isn't one hundred percent convinced with what he said, Viktor knows he isn't convincing. Badr walks back and forth the room, contemplating. Then he stops to look at Viktor with the same unreadable expression, Viktor never felt this tense.

"Okay I believe you, but how can you be so sure of Yuuri?" 

"Because I know him well, I've lived enough with him to know how he sees me. He's always stressed on the fact we're just friends, and you still seem to ignore that he's the reason why we're together."

He doesn't argue immediately, letting the nervous silence take the upper hand. It makes liquid anxiety ripple in Viktor's belly as he assumes the worst. Badr isn't believing him.

"Do you think Yuuri ever tells lies?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Hmm. When I first spoke with Yuuri, he was nervous and excited that he started to word vomit and ramble about his life, he was genuine and I believed everything he said. When we got to the part of his love life, he said how difficult it was for him to maintain a relationship, because he had to take much time to grow deep feelings for the person..." He pauses as he takes few steps closer to Viktor, looking like he's about to reveal a secret now. "I'm not sure if you know this, but I guess you're supposed to since you're best friends and I might remind you, Yuuri is demisexual, Viktor."

Viktor thinks he misheard him, misunderstood the word.

"From your reaction I think this is the first time you're hearing this, isn't it? And you repeat day and night how close Yuuri and you are, is it possible for a best friend to miss such important information about their friend?" 

Still in disbelief, Viktor wonders if Badr is playing a prank at him. It can't be true, if this is true it changes everything.

"Viktor, you're aware what demisexuality means, don't you?"

Lost in his thoughts he nods with a mouth hanging open. "I do. It's... It's when...you can't feel sexual attraction towards somebody without developing a deep attachment to them, befriending...fully trusting and...loving them."

"You said it. Simply, a demisexual can't do casual sex. They must be deeply in love with the person they're attracted to, especially after a trustworthy friendship. You and Yuuri used to sleep together, and I believe it happened more than mere few times. Which means one of two things... Yuuri lied to me, or... He's already in love with you."

It can't be. No this doesn't make any sense, Yuuri can't be like this. He's never even hinted at his orientation to the closest person to him, sure he has his own secrets, but Viktor knows him like the back of his hand, and Yuuri becomes too transparent for him, he reveals everything about himself just for Viktor, he wouldn't miss telling him an important detail about himself like this.

But it's not just hiding secrets, it's the indication of these secrets. True Yuuri was inexperienced when they first slept together, and he seemed to be gaining his knowledge from Viktor. Thinking about it, Viktor doesn't recall Yuuri ever sleeping with someone else, his relationships don't last long enough, and his last break up was because he refused to have sex with his partner.

Yuuri almost has never displayed an early affection for someone, Viktor himself knows it takes him some time to get used to someone. He's never expressed casual interest in someone, never commented on a stranger's appearance in a sexual manner, never thirsted over a celebrity or a hunk. Viktor has attributed it to his shyness and natural restrained self. But then again, he completely transforms to some kind of a sex icon when he's intimate with Viktor.

Actually the dots are starting to connect together, and the clues goe along with this narrative of Yuuri being demisexual and... 

He's in love with Viktor?

"I'm confused. Even when I expressed interest in him, Yuuri always responded with rejection. If he has feelings for me, why does he do that?" He asks himself more than Badr, he's suddenly reminded of his presence. 

"I don't know Viktor, I don't know." He leans closer to Viktor, and brushes his fringe. He smiles bitterly. "But I know one thing for sure, that I wish you would look at me the way you always look at him." 

Hearing the sorrow in his voice, Viktor can't help but tear up, because oh god why is he doing this to someone so good like Badr? Why is he making him drink from the same cup as he did, the poisonous drink of unrequited love and unfulfilled dreams? And now he's just shattering his heart. It's been clear from the start that Badr is feeling deeply for him, bearing for him the kindest and purest of love, it's spoken in his actions and subtle confessions. And Viktor has been tricking himself that he could return these genuine feelings someday, he could make himself fall in love with him. He can't, disabled to move on and climb up from the bottom of this deep hole that is Yuuri's love. 

"Viktor..." He calls him with a mellow voice, fingertips drying the flowing tears. "You love Yuuri, and I know that. Yuuri clearly loves you back, and I know that too. The secrecy of your unspoken love is what makes it so special, you don't have to tell each other to feel that private love. Perhaps you both have issues to discuss and get over, you're constantly pretending and acting in roles that don't belong to you. You're both the protagonists of each other's lives, but somehow you insist on playing these secondary roles of the best friend in a romantic novel. You have a lot to talk about." 

He loves Yuuri. And possibly Yuuri loves him back. They should talk. 

"I'm so sorry, Badr. I'm so sorry..." Viktor repeats helplessly, crying harder in empathy, because he's been there, exactly where Badr is standing now.

"Viktor, we don't apologize for what we feel. I'm not hurt, it's just my luck and I have to accept it. We're not meant together and that's fine, I'll live. The thing that matters the most to me is your happiness, I wanted to be a part of it, but I'm not, so I hope that at least someone else could be. And Yuuri is a great person, I'm sure he has his reasons to resist your advances at him, I'm also sure that no matter what his excuses are, his love for you is stronger. Trust me, I'm smart and shrewd enough to know that."

He smiles too much for someone whose heart just got brutally broken, he's even joking. Viktor sniffs. "Fuck, you're really better than I ever thought, why are you so fucking perfect?" He whines amidst the tears, and Badr chuckles.

"Funny how you see me perfect yet I don't get to be the perfect one for you. Also I'm not perfect for doing the bare minimum. There're a lot of wrong things about me, but you just can't see." 

"No, you-" Viktor stops abruptly, recalling a similar argument with Yuuri. Wow things become much clearer from a different point of view. 

"Anyway, I guess I have to drive you home now, you have no reason to stay over." 

"Badr, please don't. I'll take care of myself, I'm calling a cap. I know it's okay and whatever you're gonna say, but you've already done so much for me." Viktor gets off the bed, and he hugs him, a farewell hug. "Thank you, you're just amazing... You deserve something much much better than this." 

He hears Badr sigh. "Thank you for all the beautiful time you gave me, these are some of the happiest days of my life."

Looking at him, Viktor wants to cry again. "I really wish you the best. Please take care of yourself."

Again, he gives him that bright hopeful smile. "Same for you. It's not easy to give you up, especially after... I realized how much you mean to me... But I don't have the magic to spell you into my love. But at least your happiness is guaranteed with someone else, perfect for you. I hope you work things out, you two belong together."

Viktor only deepens the hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I thought it would be last but again I'm inconsistent and I already kept you waiting too long   
> Sorry for taking this long, college is already eating me alive   
> I really need your comments and cheers   
> Thank you ♥


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...

_Watching the video that you sent me_

_The one where you’re showering with wet hair dripping_

_You know that I’m obsessed with your body,_

_But it’s the way you smile that does it for me_

_It’s so sweet knowing that you love me_

_Though we don’t need to say it to each other,_

_Sweet knowing that I love you & running my _

_fingers through your hair It’s so sweet_

_Watching the video where you’re lying in your_

_red lingerie ten times nightly You know I think_

_your skin’s the perfect color, But it’s always_

_your eyes that pull me under_

_& I would gladly _ _break it_

_I would gladly break my heart for you…_

 [Sweet](https://youtu.be/pZ31pyTZdh0)

 

_*****_

 

On the way home, Viktor takes advantage of the time to put his thoughts in order, cause hell this is a one busy night. He just needs to calm down and think rationally, but he can't help his heart pounding in his chest that his ribcage is about to explode, and the blood soaring in his veins that he'll probably die of hypertensive. Fine, he needs to breathe deeply.

The major realization that strikes him is that he's dumb, a huge oblivious moron with no common sense and a very poor judgement. It's nothing new he's always been an airhead and too immersed in himself that he misses what's on the outside of his own head and life.

There're many questions unanswered and most of their answers are with Yuuri. Yuuri!

So why hasn't he ever noticed Yuuri's unusual relationships pattern, the fact he never mentioned sleeping with any of his exes? He never put much thought in it, it's just been Yuuri being incredibly picky and sceptical, he has the right to. But Viktor should have found it strange, especially when Yuuri got with some of the most attractive people who were smitten. Okay, Viktor never noticed and it's fine. But what about Yuuri? Why has he never bothered to mention something not so trivial as his preference to someone not so trivial as a best friend?

Perhaps he thought Viktor was of proper IQ to figure it out on his own? It's something easy to conclude, you see someone having a countable number of relationships and never taking them to a physical level, this person is obviously demisexual. Right, it's Viktor's fault. No it isn't. You don't just omit something important as your sexuality from your most trusted friend, especially when you're sexually involved with them.

But then again, Yuuri doesn't talk about sex, almost never. Viktor knows a lot about Yuuri's sex life from experience not from conversations. Yuuri prefers to lead although it's totally unexpected from someone like him. Yuuri is so too controlling in bed, loves being the dominant in charge. Yuuri is into light bondage, sometimes heavier, and is open up to any kinks, he also doesn't have problems to submit or switch. Yuuri prefers it raw and tough, but not when he's comforting Viktor with healing sex, he achieves incredible balance between sweet love making and hardcore fucking, he knows when to do what. Most importantly Yuuri loves sex...with Viktor, he just loves it even if it isn't regular nor frequent.

So Yuuri does have a distinctive sexuality with a set of impressive preferences. Viktor doesn't know much about demisexuality, he has no idea if there's a certain common character to their sex life other than being limited to few special people, and he's that special person to Yuuri, probably the only one. Yuuri has developed his tendencies and preferences through Viktor, he's his exploration partner, they were always together in these discoveries. This got to mean something.

Yuuri loves Viktor more than a friend. Sex can't be a solid proof, but in this case it is. To be honest there's a lot of evidence but Yuuri has always pushed Viktor away when he suggested the tiniest bit of hints. Why does he push him away?

Does...does he only want Viktor for sex? As if this possibility never crossed his mind, and it's always sounded unbelievable and so unlike Yuuri. Now with the new knowledge not only it's out of Yuuri's character but it's also the complete opposite of Yuuri's sexuality so it's plain stupid.

Could it be that Yuuri previously fell in love with him but after living with him and realizing how messed up Viktor is sometimes he fell out of his love? That's why he doesn't want to get further involved with him in a serious relationship. And he still sleeps with him just because he likes sex with him. Is that possible? Can demisexuals maintain physical attraction for someone even after they no longer love them?

This is brutal and Viktor needs to stop torturing himself. He shakes his head shaking out all the assumptions with it. There's no need to exhaust his already consumed mind when he's just minutes away from knowing the truth.

The fundmental question here, is Yuuri ready to talk? Viktor doesn't want to pressure him if he doesn't want to, but Viktor has been tricked and he deserves to know. Another question here, how can he be so sure of Yuuri telling the truth? He's already hidden important information from him. Viktor respects Yuuri's secrets and boundaries, but he's too involoved in them despite himself, he had the right to know. And Yuuri shouldn't escape like he usually does or lie to him.

 _He has his reasons_ , Badr's voice rings in his mind as the voice of logic because it is. Badr the understanding open minded incredibly kind man that possibly has loved Viktor and was only met with a bitter heartbreak and dumped with blue balls, poor man. Viktor promises to give him the proper closure he deserves but just after he sorts out his own shit with the love of his life.

The driver announces they're here and suddenly Viktor doesn't want to leave the cab and go back to his apartment. He's never been this nervous, it's almost like dying. He has no idea what to expect, what turn his life will take, how that conversation ahead of him will change everything. He could shatter everything and find his love for Yuuri collapsed to the ground, he could make him run, he could ruin everything between then and lose him forever. Viktor is tired of chickening out but his relationship with Yuuri is at a great risk now, and no other way to clarify this. They need to talk honestly and bluntly, confront each other's feelings, and accept whatever the outcome.

Taking a deep breath through torn lungs, Viktor enters his apartment on tip toes like a robber breaking into a house. He sheds off his jacket leaving it somewhere, not sure, his mind is on something else. The apartment is dark apart from the outer street lights, seems like Yuuri isn't here. He was supposed to go out with the other dancers, but he should be back long ago, unless of course he's celebrating properly, which is difficult to imagine because he must have been too tired after the show. Even if he has the stamina and usually preserves some of his energy for after shows, tonight's performance was draining for so many reasons, mostly emotionally. Viktor can't imagine him at a club dancing the night away.

 

He walks to Yuuri's room, the door is slightly open. He looks through the door crack, blue and purple neons light up the room revealing Yuuri curled on his bed surrounded by his two good buddies. Slowly, Viktor enters the room, and the closer he gets, the clearer he sees Yuuri, his face isn't showing but his body is trembling and there're muffled sobs coming from his, he's crying.

Everything evaporates from Viktor's mind when he comes to the realization, and nothing else matters but the fact that Yuuri is unreasonably crying at one of the biggest nights of his life. What's wrong with him? Hopefully nothing bad, nothing hurts Viktor's heart more than Yuuri crying. He needs to put off the inevitable if Yuuri isn't feeling well

"Yuuri." Viktor calls with a shaky voice full of his own worries. Yuuri freezes. Viktor calls him again and takes steps to the bed, seating himself on the edge disturbing Makkachin and Vicchan who have been obviously comforting Yuuri, they jump out of the bed.

Yuuri stays still for a minute before he shifts to sitting position, his back is still to Viktor and his hand moves to his face, clearly wiping the tears away. Viktor reaches his hand to rub his back and calls his name as softly as he can while turning on the bedside lamp.

Finally, he turns his head to look at Viktor, flustered and shocked to see him there. His eyes are red and swollen, irritated with all the tears, he's cried a lot apparently, and the thought drives Viktor mad.

"Viktor, what are you doing here?" He asks with a voice strangled by all the crying. Viktor can't help but notice the glint of light in his eyes, he's glad Viktor is here.

"Why are you crying? Something is wrong?" Viktor answers his question with another, this is more important.

Yuuri's eyes leaks more tears at this moment, he quickly dries them while faking a smile. "No don't worry, they're not sad tears. I'm just... I'm just overwhelmed by everything, tonight was too much for me and I still can't believe I made it."

Viktor can't believe it for a second, but if Yuuri's lying it means he's not going to admit the real reason, and this leaves Viktor in a critical situation. What should he do now? Urge Yuuri to talk or continue with his original plan, which can go completely wrong and cost him more miserable tears and his entire friendship with Yuuri, because after such conversation there's no way things will be the same. Viktor wants to know why he's hidden his sexuality, and what it means to be demisexual and a fuck body at the same time. What does he really feel towards Viktor? And if he loves him back what's keeping him from pursuing his love? Why is he torturing the two of them? What are his reasons?

He caresses his heated cheek, rubbing it lovingly and naturally Yuuri leans to it closing his eyes, he sighs. Seeing this scene, the answer is right here in his hand, Yuuri has more than platonic feelings for him. He's leaning to his touch, seeking comfort and safety in it, melting completely under his hand, it's too damn obvious and Viktor is an idiot for playing dumb in denial for all this time. He's made his mind, there's no further delay to this conversation.

"It's okay Yuuri, it was more than perfect and you did great. You don't have to think like this because it was the natural result to all your effort and dedication and talent."

Yuuri nods, he removes Viktor's hand from his face and keeps it cradled between his palms, calming down now. "It's okay, it's okay..." He repeats to himself. Then as if remembering, he knits his eyebrows in confusion. "But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Badr?"

Okay it's starting. "Badr and I... We broke up."

Immediately the confusion is replaced with anger, Yuuri's face shrinks and scrunches. "What did he do to you? Did he hurt you? And I thought he was too good!"

Viktor chuckles seeing how defensive and protective Yuuri got, that's his first reaction, and how can Viktor not melt for this? The first thing he assumes is him hurting Viktor, because Viktor's safety and feelings matter the most to him, it makes warmth coil in his chest as he jumps internally in glee. "No! He's been nothing but wonderful to me."

Confusion back again to his face, Yuuri wonders, "Then what happened? You were...happy with him, and he turned out to be...pefect or something." Viktor can't ignore the bitterness in his tone, everything is just on Viktor's side to expose Yuuri.

He shrugs. "I can't love him. I tried and and I failed."

Here it is, the glint of light in his reddened eyes growing, his lips are parted, hesitant what to say. "Viktor I'm sorry. Actually it looked promising this time, I knew Badr was great but it still surprised me that it lasted this long, and this is now is too sad."

Sad is the last thing Viktor would describe Yuuri with at this moment. He's struggling to keep his face netural, sympathetic even, but oh how the excitement is glimmering in his eyes, his eyes which are totally devoid now from any trace of gloom. Viktor has been an idiot. At the back of his mind a memory arises, as clear as the run, a memory on the beach, with a dear friend, Chris arguing with him, his accusations. And he might be right. Yuuri is always so sure of Viktor running back to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks in consideration, still ready to listen to his venting with an open heart and open arms, although he knows too well that the post-breakup venting is always preceded by something else. But that's the pattern, one question comes before the other, the other is agreed to first.

"Not now." Viktor answers predictably, and it's almost magical, the shift on Yuuri's state, the different kinds of lights shining in his eyes noe.

"Do you want me to make you feel better?" Here comes the question, accompanied with an erotic squeeze on the the thigh. And Viktor is almost tempted to welcone the distraction and drop the talk for another time when Yuuri isn't ravishing his body with all sorts of pleasure.

But the sequence of reactions to the breakup news is almost hilarious, and is too telling, it means a lot, the gradation of emotions and priorities, why has he never thought about it? Yuuri starts with asking him if he's fine, checking his safety first, then he's apparently delighted about this breakup, then he's concerned and understanding, willing to listen and comfort, then he's lustful, willing to distract and pleasure. It's too telling and clarifying.

"No." Viktor never refuses his advances, so it definitely comes as a shock to Yuuri. The fire of arousal in his eyes dies out.

"What can I do for you Viktor?" Now he's desperate, he's sensing something is wrong with Viktor and he wants to help him. "Are you fine? Do you regret it?"

Viktor understands where he's coming from now Yuuri feels threatened now that Viktor might be reconsidering, or that it's not like every time, which means that Badr is special.

Viktor narrows his eyes at him, gazing his with doubt and question. "Were you expecting it to fail...like everytime?"

The question seemingly takes him off guard, like this he already offers the answer. Of course he didn't think it would work out even if Badr is one hundred percent tailored to perfectly fit Viktor, why would it work out when Viktor is too deep in love with someone else? And looks like Yuuri is aware of this fact. You always run to him in the end, and that's what he expected.

"To be honest, it was surprising at first to see how well things were going, only because I'm not used to this. But of course I was hopeful, and I trusted Badr. I saw how good he was to you, and I knew it meant a lot. But guess even with your standards up and being with a proper person, it's still not enogh to guarantee you a happy relationship."

"So you know what I need to be happy."

The answer is too easy, and Yuuri looks too troubled, he looks away from him, avoiding his eyes. "You need love." He says airily, looking like he wants to end this conversation at any cost.

But Viktor chases after his eyes, urging him to look at him, to let their eyes meet and connect. "Do you think love can be made? That I can force myself to fall for someone just because he's the perfect match? Yeah I wish it could be this easy."

Yuuri frowns. "Love grows with time and familiarity, with respect and good treatment, it needs equivalence and mutuality, two people on the same level, understanding and appreciating each other."

Viktor laughs weakly, almost mocking him. "Funny I had all that with Badr, yet I still couldn't love him."

"Maybe you need more time..." Yuuri says halfheartedly, like stating a testimony even if he doesn't believe it himself.

"Maybe I can't love him because I'm in love with someone else." Viktor has no idea what he's doing, all he know is that there's a sort of switch flicked inside of him and he's unable to stop whatever he's started, not before Yuuri surrenders and announces his love to him. At this point he doesn't have any doubt, he only had questions and Yuuri isn't leaving before answering all of them. "But that someone is tormenting me."

Yuuri's face is as scarlet as blood, like a criminal, caught in act, his breathing is loud end wheezy, droplets of sweat condense will over his exposed forehead. He's trapped in a confession, one confession will spare him from thus painful interrogation, Viktor doesn't save any mercy for him, clear honest answers are demanded.

"That someone is tormenting me with secrets and mysteries, that someone is tricking me." Viktor continues to gaze him in accusation, and Yuuri doesn't dare to even look his way, too guilty.

"Maybe you shouldn't love such bad person." He suggests weakly, conveying another hurtful message, he's rejecting him again, with no explanation.

"Yuuri look at me." Viktor orders with authoritative voice, scary even that it startles Yuuri and he obeys, eyes rolling around fearing confrontation. "What am I even to you? What do you feel about me?"

"You're my dearest best friend." Like he's programmed to automatically say this whenever he's asked, Viktor almost loses his temper. It's a lie, plain lie that he forced himself to believe as well to cope with his inability to have Yuuri, a lie kept repeated to be planted inside his head. It planted a dark forest of agony and deprivation watered by unrequited love and nourished by desperate approximity.

"And why are you keeping secrets from your dearest heat trend when you're too easy to give them away to strangers?"

"What secrets? What are you talking about?" Yuuri loses his temper as well that he's practically shouting. "You're acting weirdly and saying the weirdest bullshit, I'm trying to help you get over your breakup and I'm trying to be understanding, but you're really being odd. "

"Really? You think I'm weird? And what about you? What about you hiding important things from your best friend like your sexuality? Yuuri, you're demisexual..." Viktor laughs in cruel exaggeration, he doesn't fail to notice the panic on Yuuri's face. Viktor stares at him with wide eyes. "You're demisexual and you don't hesitate to fuck your best friend. You fuck your best friend and the next day you set him up with someone else. You set him up and then play him a love song in front of his boyfriend. You kiss him and then let him go fuck his boyfriend. You toy with my heart and then throw it away...all this time, and I'm the weird one?"

Yuuri exhales like it's his last breath looking extremely consumed and defeated. "You're right, I'm the weird one, I'm the fucked up one and that's the exact reason I act this way, this is why you should never be with me." He snaps loudly at the last sentence, barking like a wounded dog. "You want to know the truth? I'll tell you everything..."

Viktor forgets to breath as Yuuri moves from the bed, paces the room before stopping right before him. He stands in front of Viktor with every sign of defeat, with a hopeless expression distorting his handsome face. "I love you Viktor, I love you with madness and I know I shouldn't. I'm demisexual and I sleep with you because I love you. I write you love songs 'cause I love you. I kiss you because I love you..."

The world stops in its pace, its constant spinning is paralyzed for the moment, a moment to preserved, Viktor is hearing Yuuri, the love of his life, declaring his own love to him religiously like a prayer. Viktor wants to cry wants to laugh, he doesn't. Because it's not the kind of confession he was yearning to, not when it's paired with this pained expression, with all this guilt and regret. Why does Yuuri look like this? Why is he confessing like he's committed a crime?

Why shouldn't he love him?

"But I also set you up with someone else because I shouldn't love you. I let you go with your boyfriend because I shouldn't love you. But I can't, I simply just can't give you up, it's so damn hard..." Yuuri stutters in his tears, his tongue becomes heavier and heavier with each droplet rolling down his face, renewing the waterfalls from earlier. "I love you and it isn't my right, you belong with someone better. I'm too selfish and cowardly to let you go. I... I need you by my side... Always..."

"What? Why do you think you shouldn't love me? Belong with someone better? I've always wanted to be with you fucking moron!"Viktor shouts back, holding no restraints, he's unleashed that beast growing inside of him, the frustration and despair he's been suffering for years that it's only his fury crying now, his mind just can't work.

"No you don't. You don't understand... I'm not good enough for you Viktor you can't be with me, it's wrong. You're...you! And me... I'm just too plain and colorless, I'm a nobody, inadequate and pathetic. And I know for sure that the moment we get involved romantically you would see how wrong it is, I'm not up to be your lover. You'll only end up miserable and mad at me, I can't guarantee you the happiness you deserve. You should be with someone worthy of you, and I hated seeing you throwing yourself and wasting your time with all the wrong people including me..."

Insane... This is madness...

"There's nothing I've dreamed of more than being with you, I've always fantasized about gathering my courage to tell you that you breathed life in me Viktor, my soul is constantly revived by you, that monochromatic dull world of mine is only colored brightly by your existence. But I knew that it wouldn't work out, not after you had realized how worthless I'm, it would only drive you away and it would end badly, and I can't risk oc losing you Viktor. I'm more than satisfied to be just your friend, I've wanted to just remain as a part if your life no matter how insignificant and small it as. And being this close to you, it's the luckiest thing ever happened to me, and I couldn't ruin it... I would crumble down."

Oh right right, how can Viktor miss it? It's been there from the very beginning and of course he's been too blinded by love and desperation to take a notice. Yuuri's low self esteem and insecurities of course are in the way, hindering them from any progression, threatening to break down whatever they've already built. And hasn't he been there? Viktor has had that particular fear of losing Yuuri, resulting in settling for this desperate friendship. It's been mutual all this time.

"So you sacrifice your love for me in some noble idiocy act assuming it's for my own good without even speaking to me? You don't give me the choice and decide for me, and the worst of all you're already aware that I'm so in love with you..." Viktor says weakly, making Yuuri shudder.

"You're too blinded by love, and getting together would only open your eyes to the worst of me." He justifies. God Viktor wishes to slap him, slapping some sense in him.

But he keeps calm and takes some deep breaths. He pats his side on the bed, gesturing for Yuuri to take a seat. This has become more than love confessions, he can leave that to the side for now. "Come on Yuuri, we need to talk."

Hesitantly, Yuuri obliges, struggling to stop the stream of tears clouding his vision. Viktor takes his hand, intertwines their fingers, he holds up his chin, making their eyes meet.

"Listen, at this point I would break my own heart million times to mend your own, I don't care. I came here with the intention of chaseing after my happiness, which is you. But I can't do this anymore when you're sabotaging your own happiness like this. You have issues, serious ones, and I will do everything to resolve them. I don't know how we'll end up, friends, lovers, or strangers, but I know the love we should discuss right now is your love for yourself, because god damn it Yuuri, you're being so unfair and cruel on yourself! You need to love yourself."

Yuuri drops his face to the floor as he engags in another fit of weeping. Viktor is pressing every button to undo him and there's no backing off. Even if he has to shatter this glass heart to assemble it all over to grow stronger and less fragile. Viktor plants a kiss on the back of Yuuri's hand, earning a a wide eyed look from him.

"You are really underestimating your value, Yuuri. You have no idea how amazing you are because you're looking at yourself through an eye flawed with insecurity and self-flagellation, all because your mirror is your anxiety. You'll always keep your eyes on what you lack and completely avoid everything you have, and god you have a lot."

Yuuri shakes his head, rejecting and denying, no not convinced at all. "You don't have to-"

Viktor interrupts him, "I don't have to pity you, I'm not making you feel better, I'm just stating the facts you're missing here. The fact that you're an incredible human being, how can I even begin to count your traits? You're too kind and bighearted, sweet and understating, supportive and loving. You're mad talented with an exceptional gift, and on top of that you're extremely hard working doing your best to refine your skills with impressive determination. Look at yourself, too beautiful it's almost unbelievable,"

Yuuri closes his eyes as he leans into Viktor's touch on his cheek, cradling his face delicately like handling a precious piece of art. Maybe it's working, Viktor's sedative words coming in effect that Yuuri might believe them. "You take my breath away, you're completely oblivious of all the eyes following your grace, the look at your face is a blessing. And your eyes..." Yuuri opens them in reflex, and it's like they got more beautiful with the extra glow in them. "god they're so pretty. Your smile is literally the prettiest thing I've seen. You really can't see all that, I feel bad for you."

Yuuri breaks a bashful smile turning his teary eyes the other way as he blushes furiously. "It's just how you see me..." He still protests.

"And how do you see me? Great? Unmatched? Too good for anyone else? Perfect? Yuuri, I'm not perfect, no one is, and it's fine. But you're just perfect for me, I view you the same way you view me, but unlike you, I believe we truly deserve each other. We are equal."

"You don't understand, Viktor. When we walk together you turn heads, people who mistake us as a couple probably wonder what you're seeing in me, and they're right. I also get mad when I see you with plain average people, you belong to the heavens and it's such a waste to pair up with earthly people like this."

"What are you even talking about? You're really too stubborn to believe what I say. Yuuri, answer me. What did you do tonight?" Viktor asks firmly, like he's about to lecture him.

"I danced." Yuuri answers with a pout.

"And how well did you do?"

"I..." Unable to continue, he stops.

"Give yourself the credit Yuuri, recognize your success and your effort. Don't underrate yourself when you clearly dropped jaws and impressed every single one of some of the most snobby hardest to please audience. How did you do?"

"I did well." He says with a glimpse good boldness.

"Yes you did, you did too well. And what did the audience do after you had finished?"

"They applauded me." His face is gradually lighting up, it's going well.

"That's right Yuuri. You're a member of one of the most prestigious ballet companies in the world, you were chosen for a glamorous part to match your talents and skills, you worked so hard to achieve excellence, and you succeeded. On top of that many of your friends were there to support you, your family on the other side of the world are the proudest. You're so loved and supported, you're appreciated and recognized. None of this is by luck, you've earned your place, you deserve all the love. And yet you can't see it."

Yuuri nods vigorsly, like a drowning man hanging to a straw, he wants to be saved, he wants to believe every word, Viktor knows it. "I won't stop repeating these facts until you completely absorb and believe them. It's an ongoing war between the truth and the delusions of your anxiety, and I'm intending to win every battle. I'll keep reassuring you, reminding you of who you really are, I'll fight your demons one by one, my name comes from victory and I don't lose."

Yuuri bursts in tears and jumps in Viktor's embrace and hardly articulates his words. Viktor can't understand him but he rubs his back telling him it's okay. Finally Yuuri pulls away, still shaking and trembling but he's getting some control on his sobbing.

"Now, it's my turn to be reassured. Yuuri, do you love me?" Viktor asks tenderly, Yuuri rubs his eye like a precious baby.

"Of...of course. I love you so much."

Viktor begs his heart to stop pounding like its about to break through his chest. "Then tell me the truth, do you love me because of this ideal picture you view me with? Because I'm, as you claim, perfect?"

"Of course not... I love you because you are you. Because...because I can't help but love you. I love Viktor, for no reasons other than bieng Viktor. Because it only makes sense with you."

"Exactly, you get it Yuuri. It's the same for me, it only makes sense with you. Love is not about choosing the best one, it's unconditional total acceptance of the other, despite all their flaws and failures and shortcomings, it's being with them for who they are, without trying to change unless it's for their own good. It's providing what each of us is lacking, two pieces completing and complimenting each other. I was with Mr Perfect, Badr was perfect, yet I never truly rooted for him. Fascinated with him maybe, liked and admired him yes, he's really hard not to like, but I simply couldn't love him for a second. He's perfect, almost too perfect to be real, but he's not perfect for me. You Yuuri, it's like I was made to love you, with you everything falls in place, we're the perfect fit."

While Viktor mouths every word with utter devotion and sincerity, he watches the change on Yuuri's fine features, the tears condense patiently in his eyes hanging there to leave a room for a smile spreading across his lips. Yuuri's face which's been eclipsed with gloom and distress is now shining brightly like the midday sun, radiating and blinding. he grasps every word and believes in it like it's a holy text prayed for his idol, and what a faithful worshiper he's for Viktor. It's crystal clear that it's all he needed to hear, maybe his mind is still in war with voices echoing doubts and disbelief, but Viktor shouts in triumph exceeding them in loudness, filing all of Yuuri's ears and mind.

Still holding his hand, Viktor squeezes it with care. "In conclusion, I'm not perfect, no one really is. We're both fucked up, and it's fine. I love you, you love me back, and we definitely make each other happy. So please Yuuri, please... Give us this chance, believe in us."

Yuuri sighs helplessly, torn apart as it appears, there's still a room for argument seemingly. "What if-" Viktor doesn't let him finish, instead he covers his mouth with his palm holding back whatever negative and pessimistic prediction Yuuri is fearing.

"What if it works out and we become happy lovers? What if nothing much changes other than I don't have to find excuses to sleep with you and we can openly kiss anytime? Yuuri, in case you haven't noticed, we're already living together, we basically know each other well, we share many private and intimate moments, we're practically dating. So what are you afraid of?"

Yuuri pushes back the hand covering his mouth slightly, then he kisses the inside of it tenderly, making Viktor shiver with chills. "It's not gonna be easy." He warns but with a gleaming hope in his eyes.

"It's not easy but it's natural, it how things should go. We've already wasted much time dancing around our feelings and avoiding them, but it's only inevitable we end up together. Do you know what everyone's reaction when we get together? They'll either say "finally" or "I thought you were already dating" it's how we look."

Yuuri bites his lip to repress back a shy smile. "Sometimes I didn't correct them and imagined being your boyfriend for real."

Viktor cups his face, slowly closing the gap between them their breaths start to merge. "Why imagine when you can have the real thing?" He emphasizes his question with attaching their needy lips together, and they lose themselves in the kiss announcing their mutual love. Finally!

But Yuuri breaks the kiss and pulls away, not giving up that easily, he's still fidgeting despite being hopeful, he wants to renew the kiss but with more reassurance. "Hear me out Viktor, because I have a lot to say... That time when we talked about why your relationships never worked out and I blamed it on them... I was projecting right then my own fears and insecurities, I knew how they felt about being with you when they had realized how...perfect you are, and I know the real you, which is even more intimidating. It doesn't mean I wasn't willing to work hard to be with you...to keep up with you, I just found it's injustice for you to be stuck with someone like me...

"That's why I decided to keep a safe distance from you, you were so close yet so unreachable. I've loved you for the longest time Viktor, to the point I could literally give up my own life if it means you're safe and happy. They say love is selfish and possessive, but that's not true. I couldn't deprive you from getting what you deserve, a proper partner with much adoration and love for you, someone on the same level and nothing less. It's not noble idiocy or pretentious selflessness, I'm not a masochist who values suffering in the name of love, I just love you so much that I only want the best for you.

"It wasn't easy at all, holding myself back is much harder than anything I've done, harder than training my body for inhuman flexibility, or perfecting a jump or a spin, or auditioning for the biggest ballet. I'm not a saint, I couldn't be that selfless without paying the price. I've always wanted you, and when I thought you wanted me back my stupid mind never let me believe it for a second. Even when you encouraged and suggested all this kind of feelings, I still refused to believe. So I had to find the alternative, take whatever you give me without asking for anything, lust was a part of it, a little taste of heaven, that's why I took every chance for intimacy, it was the closest thing to being your lover.

"I hated myself for using you like this, I hated myself for my inability to make you happy, I hated seeing you constantly unhappy and lonely. So I decided to find you someone who can make you happy and give you the love you're craving, and I even hated myself more for it. I've always noticed how you steal hearts by your mere existence, I knew how smitten Badr was for you from the moment he mentioned you, I found in him everything you might need and I thought I can do something about it. I impossibly hated myself for hating him and hating the fact it was actually going well. I didn't expect it to work, it was just something I did to put my conscience to sleep, deep inside I knew the thing with Badr wouldn't last, but when it started to look like it was going well I couldn't accept it, the possibility that I could forever lose you. Yes, Viktor, I'm selfish like this, I was just lying to myself that I was glad for you, I wasn't. I kept wondering why it wasn't me, how it worked out, I'm terrible Viktor, I'm terrible..."

Yuuri finally catches the breath he held during the soulful monologue, meanwhile a low sound vibrates from Viktor's a chest, a laugh it turns out. Viktor's laughs increases gradually louder and louder until his jaws drops completely and he cackles hysterically holding his sides. Yuuri frowns watching this reaction, his eyes speaking of a question, what's so funny?

"The funniest part about the whole thing is you didn't even need to do any of that! All this suffering and so called conflicts, you didn't have to dictate my love life and determine where my happiness lies, nor did you have to be a selfless saint or a sentimental masochist. I'd rather you using me, being as mush selfish and possessive as possible, monopolize me however you want. You're simply an idiot my dear, and I'm so unfortunate that I'm in love with this idiot to death."

"Viktor... I love you... Please stay close to me forever, never leave my side..." Yuuri's incoherent speech melts within the never-ending stream of tears, seriously his lacrimal glands are something. He flops on Viktor diving them both down and Viktor holds him with his life.

Well Yuuri ends up asleep in Viktor's arm, he can empathize. This bizarre day has been a hell of a wrecking rollercoaster with all its upturns and downhills, a lot has happened and probably Viktor's life has changed forever, it's only fair to lose all the energy and just sleep, peaceful and sound. And most importantly happy...the happiest, oh yeah, tonight he's sleeping with a smile on his face and a lover in his arms, no need to dream as he's already with his life long dream, Yuuri.

 

*****

 

The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes at the alarm of his biological clock is a pair of big warm brown orbs ogling at him, the most gorgeous eyes that he adores so much that his heart explodes with love. It's clear Yuuri's been watching him asleep with an unreadable blank expression. The first thought to cross his mind right after "I love these eyes" is they finally made it, they're lovers...sort of. Viktor can't believe it that for a moment he thinks it must be a dream.

Yuuri loves him, only him, and he's been suppressing himself because of his major personality defect which is his justifiable anxiety. Viktor realizes before he builds a relationship with Yuuri he needs to help him build his confidence first, just like he said last night, he would break his heart million times if it means Yuuri can have some peace of mind and be satisfied about himself.

It's quite early, Viktor notices, and his body is crumbled from sleeping in such uncomfortable position for too long, he's been holding into Yuuri that his limbs are already tingling and numbing. Besides he's still in last night's formal attire, apart from the tuxedo jacket he's still wearing the bowtie, the waistcoat, the shirt, and his slacks which are very uncomfortable, especially with his normal physiological response to being attached to Yuuri's body for this long. He's hard.

He's hard and he hasn't got laid for months and he couldn't break his fasting last night and he didn't even get his usual comfort sex. He's hard and the new knowledge that he's the only person who turns Yuuri on makes him even harder.

Yuuri greets with a smile, "Good morning love."

Viktor can't help but pout, teasing. "Good morning stupid. Do you know how stupid you are?"

Yuuri chuckles helplessly and hums in agreement. "I'm sorry. But... Was last night real? Do you really...love me Viktor?"

Viktor sighs. "Stupid stubborn thick headed moron, yes I love you unfortunately. My equally stupid heart chose you among all the people in the world."

"You understand my Viktor, don't you? You're not blaming me, right? You don't just feel...bad for me?"

"Of course not my little sun, my love for you isn't out of pity, and I understand it's not something you just can control. But I won't let you fall a victim for self loathing anymore..." Viktor shifts slightly closer to him as if there's any room, he takes his hand and grasps it with all his might. "I'll go through anything with you, I'll always stay by your side."

"I want to cry again..." Yuuri laughs. He cradles Viktor's face, getting lost at the sight. "My God it must be a dream, 'cause I see in you the dream I want to dream forever."

Viktor's heart skips a beat when the familiar line rings some bells, it gets him this time voiced by Yuuri. He remembers Badr using the exact same sentence at their first date, what're the possibilities that they both use it on him? Someone got it from the other. "Hey, you're not the first to say that!"

Yuuri immediately goes red, smiling bashfully. "Okay maybe Rodolfo beat me to it when he was flirting with Mimi, but I assure you I'm more sincere my love."

"No, no I'm not talking about La Boheme. Someone used that line on me." Viktor answers vaguely, not wanting to mention Badr specifically.

However, Yuuri narrows his eyes in suspicion, already heard the unsaid name. He appears surprised and laughs in disbelief. "It was Badr, wasn't he?"

"So you have a common history with this line?"

"Sure we do. When we first met and we began talking about you, I was simply describing you...you know to make you appealing as a lover. Looks like he liked the description a lot since it's too accurate. Damn, not only he stole you from me but then stole my line too."

"First of all, it isn't even your line you stole it first from the libretto. Second, he didn't steal me, you're the one who presented me to him on a sliver tray, you can't just whine about it." Viktor teases playfully, although he's still internally blaming Yuuri despite himself. He shouldn't but he can't help it.

Yuuri himself gets the hint and he jumps to his defense. "I think we've already established that I'm a complete idiot with you stressing on it. I did what I did because I had to but I had a feeling I was only lending him and eventually you would come back to me, only me. I know it's very messed up of me, and I hope you forgive me. But no matter how I fought it, deep down I wanted you to belong only with me, that's why I considered your relationship with him temporary, and I was hurt when it almost didn't go so. That's why you found me crying last night when you came back Viktor."

Oh right, finally the mystery is being solved. "Why were you crying?"

"Because last night was the peak of my career...my biggest achievement so far, and I couldn't even find you by my side. I'm not blaming you, I just felt entitled to have your attention solely, it was my night, I deserved to have you all for myself. It was supposed to be me who would spend the night with you, to make love with you and sleep wrapped in your arms, not him. I finally had some sense of worth, thinking I'm ascending higher that I could almost reach you, and you weren't even on the same planet as me."

Viktor rushes to hug Yuuri consoling him. He felt every word muttered by Yuuri, he can totally imagine the loneliness and betrayal Yuuri felt back then, he was ripped off his joy with his big milestone and it's because he failed to celebrate him even as a friend.

"You don't owe me anything, but I just needed you by my side." Yuuri says against his shoulder, burying himself completely in his lover's enclosing body.

"And I promise again to never leave your side. I'm sorry Yuuri for last night."

Yuuri tears himself from their hug to look at him with eyefuls of tenderness and adoration. "I still got you in the end, I had you all for myself, and I slept in you ar-"

Viktor doesn't let him finish, in a second he's desperately kissing him with all he's got of passion, compensating for all the lost opportunities in this kiss. If he's in his right mind he would calculate the number of kisses they missed pretending to be just friends, and it's an impressive figure.

Viktor pulls away from the kiss panting, clutching Yuuri's shirt with iron fists. "We still haven't made love. You owe me one as a regular breakup sex, I owe you one as a celebratory sex in honor on your performance, and we owe each other a first time as lovers." Viktor's purrs with the huskiest voice he's sure it goes straight to Yuuri's dick.

He's not wrong as Yuuri's eye set ablaze, dancing with fire of wants and needs, the switch is immediately flicked on when he just pushes Viktor down on his back to overtake his welcoming body. "Well allow me to have my turn now, I've been dying to." He ends his request with a passionate kiss, Viktor responds with opening up to him, giving him the ultimate permission to do whatever he wants with him.

Yuuri doesn't waste time to undress both of them while panting and losing his breath the more his eyes drink in the sight of stripping Viktor, miles and miles of white ivory skin revealed, perfection in his eyes, all of it anticipating his hungry caresses and starving mouth and hands, ready to be marked his, because for the first time now they're having sex with all the strings attached.

Despite his thrill Yuuri takes his time when paying attention to each part of Viktor, no need to hurry it's no longer a borrowed time. Viktor now belongs to him only and it's not casual nor temporary. At one point it's overwhelming to be inside and surrounded by Viktor, it's too good to be true that he almost cries.

And Viktor can't stop moaning Yuuri's name, reminding himself this is reality and it's really him who's giving him all this immeasurable pleasure and bliss, his heart bursts in rapture for every kiss and every touch blessing him. Viktor attached himself more and more to Yuuri, adhering to his body like they're becoming one. And thus time unlike Yuuri he's too impatient, keeps rushing and urging him to penetrate his inside as hard as he can.

When Yuuri insists on gliding his hands across the icy skin of Viktor while preying on his neck and shoulders and skin Viktor huffs in irritation and pushes him away, to Yuuri's surprise he stares at him while Viktor moves gracefully to fetch their needs from the night stand muttering, "Fuck you Yuuri you still want to keep me waiting, never knew you were a total sadist. But I'm not intending to wait anymore. This time I'm taking matters in my hand and you'll just do as I say."

The excitement grows tenfold when Viktor announces his decision in his sexiest bossiest voice, Yuuri might like taking control but the way Viktor's defying him with determination is impossibly turning on that Yuuri might explode.

Pouring a generous amount of lube on his hand, Viktor teases his erection for a while, dragging his hand along the hard member while opening his leg obscenely wider, moaning so loud in intentional exaggeration. Yuuri, drooling, crawls to reach him but with his other hand pushed against his chest Viktor stops him in place. Yuuri almost growls in frustration at his unfulfilled thirst.

Suddenly, Viktor stops midact like he's forgetting something, and Yuuri thinks that he might finally have some mercy on him especially when Viktor glances at him with that wicked smirk he saves only for him. He shifts abruptly stepping out of the bed reaching to the neglected pants tossed on the floor, Yuuri's too distracted by watching the flawless stature of his lover glowing under the early morning light to be curious about what he's doing. And what he's doing is picking up his phone from the pocket with a satisfied smile, dragging his fingers across the screen and a music blasts from the phone.

Yuuri raises an impressed eyebrow when he recognizes it, Bolero, it turns out.

Happy with his choice Viktor climbs in the bed on hands and feet without an ounce of shame, he sticks out his glorious ass to Yuuri, in his face, while giving him a challenging look over his shoulder. Yuuri mistakes it for an invitation and like a predator he's ready to jump on his grand hunt, however Viktor's strict warning look frustrates him even more, especially when he starts balancing on one hand to reach to his behind, readying himself with his skillful finger. Yuuri is dying.

"Viktor please... Let me take you..." Yuuri begs and the only response he gets a loud whining from Viktor harmonious to the soft music.

"Not yet..." Viktor mumbles as he sinks his, now, two fingers deeper with an increasing pace while wiggling his hips to the rhythm of the soaring music, dancing. His whole body lights up as soon as he presses his pleasure button, it becomes more intense with the newly added finger, and his body is no more than ready to take whatever Yuuri will give him. And Yuuri will give a lot, ill drown them both in seas of ecstasy until they suffocate in pleasure. Now his job is to work him up even more, calling that beat within him.

Too pleased with himself, Viktor turns his head to look at his anticipating lover only to see the fascinating image of his lover relieving his own pain, humming with the music. "You know..." Viktor breathes, slowing down his thrusting fingers to keep himself from coming too early. "A certain one wanted to have sex with me... to Bolero..." Viktor says it deliberately slow, the desired effect is immediately achieved.

Suddenly the earth turns upside down, the look on Yuuri's face is enough to make Viktor shudder, pupils dilated and face pained red, eliciting waves of electricity down Viktor's body. Yuuri erects on his knees, great like a warrior winning the battle, filled with confidence and pride, he exclaims, "I am Bolero!"

Viktor doesn't even get the chance to breathe, his breath is stolen by the monstrous kiss Yuuri attacks him, all while mounting him with his entire body from behind, gripping his hips hard enough to leave bruises. As his tongue raids Viktor's welcoming mouth, his cock mimics the lustful kiss in seconds is buried deep inside Viktor's tight heat Viktor moans into the kiss, encouraging Yuuri to start thrusting at once, with all he owns of desire and might.

Moving on from his mouth, Yuuri kiss and bites down Viktor's jaw and neck reaching that perfect spot to nip at, and Viktor just keeps calling his name, begging him to go harder or softer, or anything, he doesn't know his mind is lost at the overwhelming stimulation, Yuuri is just hitting all the right places, combined with his lips and teeth on that sensitive spots, and his hands! God his hands on his body are heaven, he doesn't skip the tiniest spot without groping and caressing, touching in extreme wanton.

"Yuuri...please.. Please!" Viktor begs for what, he had no idea, it's just too much, too much even when Yuuri goes slower, turning their animalstic mating into sweet love making, like lovers would do.

"You're making me crazy..." Yuuri mumbles into his the kisses he spreads across Viktor's back. "Call my name more, only mine. Because you're only mine... I bet no one can make you feel this good but me..."

"Ha...only you Yuuri... I'm only yours..."

Yuuri rewards him with pounding harder. "Yes, yes that's p-perfect. Ah...don't have to hold back...anymore. No one can please you...like I do. Not him, no, your body only wants me... He could never make you like this..."

The soaring music melts into Yuuri's words, and the world blurs in Viktor's eyes being blinded by intense ecstasy...

"I was crying... I cried a lot, but now ahh.. now I'm laughing hard," Yuuri punctuates every word with a tremendous thrust, a hand clutching at Viktor's convulsing hip and the other reaching to his chest for his own obsession. "I'm laughing because you came back to me, just me... With all my issues and inexperience...you still chose me..."

Viktor extends his arm to reach Yuuri's head, stroking his face tenderly as Yuuri presses sweet kisses all over his shoulder, "You're the one for me... I only want you." He manages to whisper.

"And I only want you...literally. Ever since...since that kiss years ago, our first... It made me feel human, it made me feel and want and desire... Ah...Vitya... I love you Vitya..." Yuuri marks his declaration with one final thrust and he spills inside Viktor, while Viktor himself sees white, coming at the same time, in sync with the final explosion of Bolero. That brief moment of climax feels like forever, feels like an eternal bonding blessed with love declarations and vows. The way Yuuri wraps his arms tightly around Viktor to contain him in his embrace feels like a physical union, they're becoming one.

They don't move from their curled fetal position, Yuuri is still inside and outside Viktor, still spreading feathery kisses on his hair and nape. Viktor takes his hand, closing it to his moth to crown every fingertip with a kiss, then to his knuckle and his palm, covering the skin of his hand with tiny loving pecks.

Finally, Viktor squirms urging Yuuri to pull out when it becomes too unbearable to keep him inside, especially with his already growing hardness while his own softened member has a longer refractory period, it has always amazed him, Yuuri's mind-blowing stamina and his huge sexual appetite. Viktor giggles to himself at the thought.

He feels Yuuri's body weight pressing his side as snuggles closer to him. Licking Viktor's earlobe, he asks, with a smile in his voice, "Something funny?"

Viktor turns on his back to face his lover, admiring his afterglows, still giggling with an infectious joy that Yuuri starts giggling as well. Viktor wraps his arms around his neck playfully. "You've ruined me for any other person, I would never want anyone else."

Yuuri kisses his nose. "Good. Now I'm not the only one with a conditioned libido."

Viktor clicks his tongue, preening the fact that he's the only person with the ability to turn Yuuri on. "So, I'm literally the only one who can seduce you..."

"Yes, you are. And what a seduction you are!" He emphasizes with a series of kisses robbing Viktor off any strength left in him. They move in a more comfortable position, cuddling together with their eyes and bodies.

"To be honest I hadn't thought much of my sexuality, hadn't cared enough. My first kiss ever was never a big deal for me, even when I had felt for the person I shared it with. I hadn't experienced those physical needs as the rest of guys at my age or even during puberty. Perhaps I had attributed it to my demanding training and ballet had consumed me. Until I had that serious relationship with a guy at my old company, it took me months to start developing physical attraction to him, but we had to separate so not much happened.

"With time I realized what it meant and the consequences of it, how relationships just became a harder burden. When I tried getting in relationships again I told them the truth about my preferences and they usually fled away."

"Idiots. We have a lovely common history with idiots." Viktor pouts, pulling a laugh from Yuuri who then plants a kiss on his forehead.

"Then we met, and I can't say it's love on first sight, but I had that non explainable urge to get closer to you through friendship. When you offered me a place to stay with you, I got unreasonably too thrilled about it. And living with you was-is fantastic, you've made my life worth living Viktor. For the first time I had someone to long to, to be excited to share my day with, to resort to other than ballet, someone I could be myself with, and become happy about it. Living with you was a test from god too, you're such a magnificent tease with a modest wardrobe choices..." Viktor cackles at this, realizing eventually that his efforts to impress the demisexual guy didn't go in waste. "You were my real sexual awakening Viktor."

"You have no idea how much you've just restored my faith in myself Yuuri."

Yuuri chuckles and peppers his face with more kisses while toying with his hair. "I began fantasizing about you, I even began for the first time to please myself to the image of someone, I started having visions of us together, Viktor. The time I figured I'm too deep in your love was the night we kissed. I couldn't register what was happening back than, I had much conflicts and insecurities, and my gut feeling told me it would end badly. I didn't want to lose you. I'm so sorry for all you pain, I know I caused you much confusion and distress."

Viktor staring at him with moony eyes doesn't reply to immediately. He takes his time collection his train of thoughts, forming a coherent speech inspired by the ethereal beauty of Yuuri's features. "Let's not look at the past, we are the product of what we've been through, and we are who we are today thanks to it. Do I regret all this time sent on a borderline relationship with blurred boundaries? Yes indeed. But I believe it's about timing, this is the perfect time for us to get together, after enhancing our relationship with all getting over those obstacles and doubts. We're now stronger than ever."

"Oh Viktor, I'm still afraid to death, I'm afraid of disappointing you and of ruining this. I'll try my hardest but I'm afraid."

"And I'll never cease to reassure you and be always by your side. You think I won't disappoint you or unintentionally hurt you one day? Stupid Yuuri of course I'll do and you'll do. We're going to cause disasters, but that's the beauty of it. For each fight we will make up and come together even stronger. For each disappointment we'll work harder to fix ourselves and become better versions of ourselves. For each misunderstanding we'll understand each other more,and with each mistake we'll become more forgiving and tolerant."

Happy tears flood his eyes, Yuuri the crybaby who has cried in these two days more than in his entire life, and Yuuri has always been a crybaby. He throws his self in Viktor's arm, seeking shelter into the warmth of love, he repeats "I love you Viktor" more than Viktor can count, and Viktor answers him back every time.

 

After a while of peaceful silence disturbed only by their low breathing, Yuuri initiates an unhurried kiss like many others before. Viktor is already addicted on these new kisses with their non urgency, the taste is nothing alike anything.

But after breaking it off, Viktor recognizes the sparkle in Yuuri's eyes, an asked question. "What's on your mind love?"

Yuuri seems hesitant at first, but then take his chance anyway. "What exactly happened between you and Badr?"

Oh right, Viktor sighs. "He...knew. Guess we weren't the most subtle about our secretive yearning for each other. He has always known but we always denied. He could easily spot it in our eyes. Last night we were supposed to sleep together, I couldn't. I kept thinking about you, about that brief kiss we stole. He noticed my distance, so he didn't pressure me. It's...weird to be this...this kind and understanding. Like he asked me if it was about you and confronted me with all his doubts and I just...collapsed, couldn't keep lying to him and myself, I told him about how we often...had sex. He was surprised because he had that knowledge about you being demisexual, and he figured it out... He just...let me go, and encouraged to confront you as well."

Yuuri drops his eyes to the ground, like he's ashamed. "Fuck! He's really an angel! Perfection personified, better than me in everything, even at sacrificing. Like I couldn't even let you go properly. It hurt so much I couldn't stand it. And I know he loves you Viktor, I can't claim I love you more because I can't measure. But I swear I tried so hard and I failed. The night we were at the bar and I sang that stupid song, I overheard you, he was complaining because he sensed it. That's why I tried to stay away from you and from home for the past few weeks, but yesterday I broke down. Maybe I'm just too selfish...weak and spineless..."

"Or...maybe you know too well I'm equally in love with you and nothing could change that, and I would eventually come back to you. Yuuri you're neither selfish nor weak, it's unfair to compare, because for Badr, there's no point of defending a lost case. That's the difference, you had the hope, and he's hopeless. I'm awfully sorry for him I can't even describe my guilt. Badr is perfect and he deserves someone as good as him, but he's not perfect for me. He's simply not for me."

A new bright light shines in Yuuri's eyes, paired with a soft smile. "I'm the one for you."

"Yes you are."

It does feel like winning a war, and victory does taste sweet.

"So, we still got few compensatory rounds." Viktor teases as hand sneaks scandalously to scandalize Yuuri, and Yuuri gasps on response.

"Makka and Vicchan!" He reminds him, and Viktor whines clinging to him tigheter. Yuuri comforts him with a kiss on top of his head. "Just their breakfast Vitya and I'll be back in a minute."

The new term of endearment, Vitya, is doing all kind of things to him. Viktor surrenders and Yuuri laughs, kissing his pout he jumps out of the bed.

Viktor flops on bed, hugging the pillow to himself, grinning like a schoolgirl getting asked for a prom date from her lifelong crush.

Oh boy he has much to tell to Chris!

 

******

 

One doesn't simply go watch La Boheme at the Met without remembering Viktor Nikiforov.

One doesn't simply forget Viktor Nikiforov.

Also one doesn't go watch La boheme without expecting to see Viktor Nikiforov. Of all the shows presented by the opera house, this is the most trusted to guarantee a glimpse of him. It's been more than a year, and other than the occasional social media stalking, Badr hasn't laid his eyes on him since their quiet break up. Not that Viktor has been evading him ad avoiding his calls, on the contrary, it was Viktor who reached out, asking for a proper closure. Badr always assured him, it's unnecessary, the sweet memory of their brief shared time is more than enough condolence, not using the exact term of course. But spare them from awkward goodbyes and pointless pity, the last thing needed is sympathy.

Badr is totally over it, he really is. Maybe there're residuals of this unrequited love in his heart, but it's not as bitter as some imagine it. It's an evidence that it once happened to him, the love that offers you the world, and then in a blink of an eye take it all back with no prior warning. It means he experienced it, what he has been writing for his whole life, and not just scribbling down the fantasy of what he craved, it's the raw taste of it, with all its sweetness and bitterness. And he's glad for it, even if it didn't work out.

Love is as beautiful as he had always believed, it's also ugly as it's been always rumored to be, but isn't this life anyway? One thing people have also been right about; time heals everything. And after one year he can proudly claim he's fully heal with only a trace of a scar. It's not an ugly scar though, it's a survival scar. I'd been in love like a fool once I lost my mind, but I regained it back, I survived a severe loss and turned it into a win. And what a marvelous win it is, his latest book.

Honestly he doesn't give a damn about the critical and commercial reaction. Badr wrote the work of his lifetime, hopefully so far, he doesn't want to peak this early unless he's able to maintain a long plateau. Anyway this is the artwork he wants his name to associated with forever, probably because it's his personal pain transformed into a beautiful art. It's more than a failing love story, it's about a love you see and hear but you can't reach, all the love surrounding you yet none of it belongs to you. So you just observe and wish, hopefully you'll have your well deserved share eventually if you wait patiently.

You watch couples around you, families, parents and children, friends, strangers, you realize there's a love in each single living person, no matter the variety of this love and its labels, it's love. Because a life always goes hand in hand with love, you simply can't separate them without a great disturbance at your balance. And after one failing love story, Badr doesn't feel dizzy or imbalanced, he still all sorts of love inside of him, he still can observe them all around him, he's fine. He just needs to wait...for the person it makes sense with them.

 

La Boheme is another sad love story where love and life go hand in hand, and with one gone the other of an unknown fate. A group of struggling Parisians surviving poverty and illness yet they find the love in the middle of this cruel life. The poor poet Rodolfo has nothing to offer but his sugary words and his insecure love to the sweet Mimi, his neighbor who falls equally for him and for a terminal illness. Just another tragedy with imperfect characters surviving life on love.

The probability of Viktor being here is at its highest. It's not particularly his most favorite, Badr isn't sure, but his intuition is telling him he's definitely here tonight.

And it's not wrong.

There he is, stunning and magnificent as he always is, in his elegant tuxedo standing on his own at the waiting area, too immersed in focusing on his phone. Needless to guess who he's preoccupied with. The grin on his face is sufficient of a clue. Where's his lover? It's still pre-show, there's a chance he's coming later to accompany him. Viktor isn't just someone can be left on their own.

Maybe it's not wise to stare, to expect an eye contact, but honestly Badr just wants to say hi. He's not asking for much.

When the inevitable contact occurs, Viktor's expression quickly turn from recognition to a warm compassionate smile. It's hard to resist such a smile, it's hard not to dream about, but at least he still can look and admire, thank the lord!

With easy steps like the floor is carrying him to his aim, Badr reaches him, extending his hand. Viktor shakes it, and the glint of that golden ring is just too blinding. Badr pretends he still can see. "Fancy seeing you here Mr Nikiforov."

The laughter rings in his ears like the first sound returned after deafness. "Fancy seeing you here too, Mr Williams. You've been missed."

"So have been you. You're watching La Boheme?" Viktor gives him a look, and just then Badr realizes the stupidity of his question. He slaps his forehead comically. "Oh yeah I can't strike a normal social conversation without sounding too stupid, another hidden talent of mine I have the privilege of introducing to you."

Viktor laughs on, and not just for the sake of being polite. That's good. "I'm here watching La Boheme tonight, yes. Are you here for that too?"

"Oh yeah, I'm a man of culture. I dragged myself in a date with myself because we've been having a hard time together, so we're trying to revaluate our relationship and you know...recharge."

"Well good luck with that, you and yourself deserve the best."

"Thank you sir."

A minute heavy with silence and numerous unanswered questions slowly passes. Badr ,finally, unleashes his curiosity. "How are you Viktor?"

The smile he answers with says everything. "I'm great. Everything is great."

"Tell me more?" He just wants to hear a confirmation.

"Well I finally got my PhD degree and now I'm a doctor, after years of putting off and procrastination for other projects. My work is doing well, I recently got promoted to a higher position. Um..." Yeah wave your hand more, it's not like he can't see it anyway. "I got engaged with Yuuri..."

"That's wonderful. Congratulations Viktor, I'm happy for you." No matter what the assumptions are, it's genuine. "You need to tell me more about it, and Yuuri, how's he?"

Viktor talking about himself is something humble, but moving to a more intimate topic, his face is entirely something else, something lighting up like a Christmas tree. "He's doing fantastically with his company, he's been getting great roles, he could even get promoted to a principal by the next season, it's crazy. You should come watch him in the Nutcracker next month, we'll get you a VIP ticket, those are hard to get you know." He shoots him a wink, charming as ever.

"How dare I say no? Rejecting a Tchaikovsky...by the ABT...with Yuuri in it? The blasphemy! And what about the other thing?" He gestures knowingly at the ring, enjoying the endearing blush coloring his high cheeks.

"We're planning a late spring wedding after the season's over, well this sounds ridiculous but actually three weddings." He smiles bashfully, while Badr's eyebrows shoot up to his hair. "Don't laugh, we're having one here in New York with our friends and colleagues, one Japan for Yuuri's family and old friends as they can't be here, and the third in St Pittsburgh for my family which is really bizarre because they'll still be at the other two, but eh... The Nikiforovs."

"Wow, I would give you five weddings." Yeah he doesn't have an impulse control but he can pass it as joke, and luckily, Viktor laughs.

"One with Yuuri is enough for me." Viktor doesn't hesitate to convey the message but there's no need for that. Love suits Viktor a lot, and Badr likes this look on him.

"Am I invited to one of them?" He asks.

"Of course, you're on top of the guest list." There's no scepticism in his tone, his invitation is sincere as well. And that's another good sign. "After all... We're still grateful to you."

"Yeah yeah I brought you together, I know I'm such a cupid." The tinge of biternees goes unnoticed in his humorous attitude. Not an envy or a grudge, but just a selfish need asking what about me? When do I get to have my share? Not with Viktor though, he's learned to live with it, the earth had seven billion people, Viktor is just one and he's bot the one for him.

"What about you? Anything new?" A translation to this question is do I still have to feel guilty about not returning your feelings, and the answer should be an absolute No. It's nobody's fault but this silly game of hearts.

"I'm sensing the hungry fan in you sniffling for something." Badr winks playfully at him.

"Smart and shrewd as ever. I've been hearing some exciting news, any confirmation?"

"My new book is to be released next spring yes, hoe coincidental, maybe I'm psychic as well, this could be my wedding gift to you."

"Oh! Will you fuel my ego and tell me I'm someone present in this book?"

Badr's smile persists for a while, contemplating how much he should reveal to him. "Spoiler alert, they're many characters in this book, including a portrait artist and a ballroom dancing instructor, and there's a lot of dancing." Badr watches an odd smile spread across the gorgeous face, but he could tell he already likes it. "Wow, can I be more subtle about it?"

Viktor doesn't bother with the sarcasm, still someone impressed with the short spoiler. "Do I get to know the title?"

"You get to. The final title is A Romantic Voyeur. It's a book about a man with a delayed flight but he's not mad, he gets the pleasure watching the take off and landing of love affairs around him with his feet planted to the ground. He's git everything in his life but love, so his solace is in watching the others love, maybe stalking lovers... It's for all those who are fulfilling their love lives with fantasies and imagination, for the single matchmaker friend, for the fandom subculture fanfic writer, for the teenager stalking their newlywed neighbors from the window and shipping two fictional characters together. All the romantic voyeurs who are gaining the pleasure of romance by watching without participating..."

It's watching Yuuri play a heartfelt song with amateur song writing abilities and endless passion for a single person in the room while everyone else vanishing from existence, and Viktor instantly connecting with it because it's just for him. It's watching all this while feeling irritated, yet admiring because love is beautiful to observe. So to establish all your naive beliefs about long-lasting love and happy endings by wishing their love to never end, to project all your overflowing feelings on one succesul story that could be yours, because if it works with them, it can work with you. Because you want believe so bad that love exists and it could work it's way through obstacles. You could be in your thirties, but you still want to hold into this pure childish belief.

It's his final conclusion, they'd suffered long enough before finding each other, and it's his turn. That's why there's no envy or jealousy. He simply wants to be them, with the right one...the other right one.

"Badr... This... It's beautiful. I already know it is." The look of fascination on Viktor is enough of feedback to the whole book.

"I promise the first printed copy will be yours. But only one, so you and Yuuri would share it."

"Fine by me." Viktor nods enthusiastically, obviously too overjoyed by the idea of sharing everything with Yuuri. "Badr, I want to thank you... For everything."

Badr doesn't get a chance to reply, because out of nowhere Yuuri appears in his vision field, quickly securing his place next to his fiance, hurrying to wrap an arm possessively around Viktor's waist, proclaiming him as his, the matching ring around his finger is equally eye-catching. But Badr is too distracted by Viktor's radiating heart shaped smile with Yuuri's presence to care about the hint of jealousy and rivalry in Yuuri's eyes. Just the mere presence of Yuuri by his side is making him like this, this happy. 

"Hello Yuuri. Great to see you, congratulations to you and Viktor, I'm delighted for you." Badr manages to earn his trust with the sincere greeting, which makes Yuuri ease his grip at Viktor.

"Thank you Badr. Good to see you too." He manages as politely as he can.

"Yuuri, Badr just told me we get the first copy of his new book, which already sounds amazing."

Yuuri tries too hard not to sound cold, he can fool Viktor but not Badr himself. "That's generous of you, we appreciate it."

We, they speak in we more frequently now.

"Well, the show is about to start, shall we?" It's for the best to end this immediately, and they wordlessly agree on that.

 

Even with the start of the show, it doesn't end. Because ironically, their seats are close enough to be easily spotted from Badr's position. And even with the great production and extraordinary job or the singers and musicians there's a whole show right on front of Badr, and it's much as attractive and enjoyable.

He's not the only who's watching with half attention, Viktor the avid opera fanatic is too engrossed in the show actively reacting and even singing along the songs libretto, on the other hand Yuuri is the other one who's easily distracted by the person leaning to him, watching him more intently than the show.

And even with his limited knowledge of Italian, it's easy to recognize the lip movement during [O Soave Fanciulla](https://youtu.be/pzPW8mXX3bg) duet Yuuri's whispering with particularly the part corresponding "The dream I see in you is the dream I always want to dream...". He doesn't forget appropriating it from Yuuri's mouth before, but it's fine. He also notices them looking at each other at a certain moment, smiling they together mouth "Vi staro vicina", I'll stay close to you. Smiling to himself, Badr decides to enjoy the main show instead, more consoling. And here comes the aria he likes the most.

Rodolfo warming Mimi's cold hand while introducing himself to her as the poor poet rich with his words and dreams, falling in love with her eyes at the first sight, [Che Gelida Manina](https://youtu.be/OkHGUaB1Bs8).

The tenor's voice is overflowing with beauty, similar to Pavarotti if he may say.

But the lyrics subtitles, those are something else...

 _Who am I? I am a poet._  
_What do I do? I write._  
_And how do I live? I live._  
_In my carefree poverty_  
_I squander rhymes_  
_and love songs like a lord._  
_When it comes to dreams and visions_  
_and castles in the air,_  
_I've the soul of a millionaire._  
_From time to time two thieves_  
_steal all the jewels_  
_out of my safe, two pretty eyes._  
_They came in with you just now,_  
_and my customary dreams_  
_my lovely dreams,_  
_melted at once into thin air!_  
_But the theft doesn't anger me,_  
_for their place has been_  
_taken by hope_

For no obvious reason these particular words moves him, by the end of the aria he's elated, he's high above the clouds. It's been a while since he last enjoyed something this much.

Out of curiosity his eyes deviate to sneak a peek at the couple, now they're just laughing together and leaning closer to each other in their own bubble, isolated from the entire world, the theater is only theirs and the show is for them only. And it's heartwarming to watch them, it's heartwarming to follow a beautiful love story, in an opera show, in a movie, on a song, on a book, and in real life. In the end, we all are romantic voyeurs who enjoy watching love until we take a part, we wait until everything makes sense with the right one.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this it.  
> First of all, I want to apologize for taking this long, but the same excuse, school. And honestly lately I had no appetite for anything, the past days have been hard on me, so I'm finally having a breeze of fresh air, and I hope the response to this chapter could elevate my mood, so your comments and reactions are really much needed and appreciated. 
> 
> Secondly, I want to thank everyone who supported this story and kept on reading it, you make me the happiest, and I hope it's well enjoyed.
> 
> It's rely emotional to finish it as I dare to claim I'm proud of this story the most. Usually I finish stories and I'm not totally satisfied about them, but this one... I gave my all to it. I know it's still modest and lacks a lot as I'm not near good, but I still feel it's the best thing I've done so far. 
> 
> I so very much love Viktor and Yuuri here, their relationship, their characters. I feel like I gave them the depth and character they deserve, trying to incorporate my own preferences and interests with them and applying my own headcanons feel great. I loved giving them all these special habits and shared moments, their private jokes and references, it made them even more precious for me. 
> 
> Also I found it a great opportunity to boast my music tastes in it and share them with someone who might enjoy them in the right context, hopefully my choices were suitable. Because I love merging music with writing and involve music generally with anything. That's one of the main reasons I love yoi much, its amazing music. (Stammi Vicino is my absolute favorite) Also I was lucky that my final choice with La Boheme included the line "Vi staro vicina" which is somehow close to Stammi Vicino.
> 
> For Viktor and Yuuri wow...three weddings, and that's a headcanon btw, two weddings at least. Anyway I know the slow burn is frustrating and they're just dumb but yeah their story is so beautiful isn't it. I'm so happy to watch my boys prosper and succeed together with their names attached, oh god I love them so much
> 
> As for Badr, I even fell for my totally unrealistic oc, and I know he deserves only the best, and as a creator of this universe, he'll get it. I just wanted to view things from his perspective in the end call, because it's somehow the reader's perspective, the reader who loves the love of two characters and wishes to have something alike with a special one, we all are romantic voyeurs. The name of the book might sound dumb but I personally love it. 
> 
> Finally thank you a million times, hopefully you enjoyed thoroughly, 
> 
> See you next level
> 
> Follow me on twitter @votretoast

**Author's Note:**

> I know not much happened in the first chapter, it's basically Viktor isn't in the mood to sleep with his date, neither is Yuuri with his boyfriend, so instead they sleep with each other. So yeah 
> 
> Will I shamelessly beg for comments if you like this story? Yes please they make me so happy!


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